Chapter 44: Another Side - Inferiority Complex and Lack of Love.
Everyone seemed to know this was no easy task. After a moment of silence, Feng Huaihe stood by the door, turned back and smiled at Zhu Qing: "Don't worry, I have a plan. If you're bored, you can try shooting an arrow by yourself first. There are practice targets prepared in the backyard."
Zhu Qing nodded softly and watched Feng Huaihe leave.
As night fell, his tall, pine-like figure gradually disappeared into the cold wind and snow. The yellow and red silk fluttering on the plum blossoms blurred his silhouette until he vanished from sight, at which point Zhu Qing withdrew her gaze.
On the table in the center of the room were her and Feng Huaihe's belongings.
Feng Huaihe had already packed all the clothes from his luggage and folded them into the wardrobe. Now, only Zhu Qing's medicine and some snacks bought along the way remained on the table.
Zhu Qing never paid attention to what was in their luggage. Feng Huaihe was the one who packed and added things along the way. Whatever she wanted, he could provide.
Only then did she notice that on the top shelf of the bookshelf next to Chuan Yang, there was a small, dark-colored box.
If I remember correctly, Feng Huaihe carried it with him the whole way, treating it like a precious treasure, but he never opened it.
Zhu Qing suddenly became curious about what was inside. Given how perverted he was, could he be hiding some erotic pictures or some kind of miracle drug?
Zhu Qing walked to the shelf, stood on tiptoe to take the box down, placed it on the table, and opened it.
Zhu Qing was stunned when she saw what was inside.
It wasn't any of those things she was thinking of, but a broken inkstone.
This is the inkstone she accidentally broke when she first returned to this world, and Feng Huaihe bought it for ten taels of silver.
Unexpectedly, he had kept it all this time, and it seemed he would take it out to look at it often. There was no dust on the inkstone, and the lock on the box had become smooth from being opened so frequently.
Zhu Qing recalled that in her previous life, this inkstone was the last thing she did when she argued with Feng Huaihe, and he angrily smashed it.
In this life, it was accidentally shattered by her.
He had never been in complete condition in either of his two lives, but even though he was incomplete and broken, he still kept it all intact.
Zhu Qing had lost count of how many times she had stumbled upon Feng Huaihe's secrets. She didn't like the feeling, as if she was always invading his privacy.
She closed the box, carefully placed it back in its original position without revealing any flaws, and then lay down on the low couch by the window.
The low couch was like a sofa in her modern society, except it had no backrest. However, it was still comfortable enough to lie on. Zhu Qing lay there lazily like a dead fish, looking at the wishing tree outside the window.
The plum tree should be in bloom soon. When the plum blossoms are in full bloom and their fragrance fills the air, the scene will be a beautiful natural spectacle, especially when paired with the falling snow.
Away from the concrete jungle of society, this place has its own unique charm, but the world is just too chaotic. She and Feng Huaihe had just arrived in Jinyang when Huang Chao captured Chang'an at the end of November.
Zhu Qing remembered that after Huang Chao occupied Chang'an, he would massacre the powerful families. Feng Huaihe's family had been merchants for a hundred years and was one of the top families in Chang'an. They would probably not be spared. However, he had never seen Feng Huaihe show any grief along the way.
Is she hiding her feelings, or does she really not care?
A charcoal stove was burning brightly in the room, making it warm and cozy, which made people feel drowsy and lazy. Zhu Qing was so sleepy that he lay down on the low couch and fell asleep.
-
The next day, Jinyang City indeed experienced even heavier snowfall. When Zhu Xing woke up, he saw a thick layer of snow piled up in the courtyard outside the window, but in the distance, a golden sun appeared on the horizon.
The brilliant sunlight shone on the snow-covered city, and Jinyang City was shrouded in a white snow mist and radiance, both serene and majestic.
Zhu Qing had seen snow before, but she had never seen such a bright sunny day with heavy snow falling, like a magnificent display of flowers blooming on the icy snow.
In the courtyard downstairs from Xihuatang, plum blossom branches were weighed down by snow, and red silk swayed in the wind, dancing in the air with the snow.
Zhu Qing was stunned.
Just then, the sound of an arrow cutting through the air came from behind. Zhu Qing followed the sound to the window facing the backyard and looked down. He saw Feng Huaihe holding a willow branch and shooting an arrow at the target.
All four arrows were fired simultaneously, and with a whoosh, they all struck the bullseye.
He seemed to sense Zhu Qing, put down the cannon, and looked up.
Zhu Qing instinctively wanted to hide, but then she realized there was nothing to hide from, otherwise it would make it seem like she was spying on Feng Huaihe.
Feng Huaihe looked up at her with a half-smile, then beckoned to her, "Come down."
Zhu Qing pursed her lips, went back to her room to wash and dress, put on thick clothes, and then wrapped herself in a silver-white fox fur cloak before going down to the flower-washing hall.
In the backyard, Feng Huaihe, dressed in a dark green outfit, stood tall and straight in the wind and snow. His tall, upright hair was covered with snowflakes. When he saw Zhu Qing approaching, he glanced at her sideways and handed her the slingshot.
"Try it, is it heavy?" Feng Huaihe pulled her to the practice point, facing the target opposite. Bao Fu next to her helped remove the four arrows from the bullseye and then quickly stepped aside.
"If it's too heavy, or you feel that the cannon is too big and not suitable, I'll make you a new one that's smaller and more suitable."
As Zhu Qing listened to his words, she raised her slingshot.
The bow was cold and hard to the touch, and quite heavy. My arm ached from holding it, but Zhu Qing twisted her arm and said, "It's alright, I'll get used to it."
Feng Huaihe handed her an arrow. "Pull it up."
Zhu Qing obediently nocked an arrow and drew the bow.
“Raise your arms,” Feng Huaihe gently lifted her arms beside him. “Open your shoulders,” he placed his hands on her shoulders, helping her correct her posture.
He stroked Zhu Qing's slender waist and thighs with his large hand, "Stand up straight, legs straight too, make sure your angle is accurate. Concentrate all your strength in your arms."
This was the first time he had touched her without any lust. His expression was serious, and his voice was indifferent, as if he were just a good teacher patiently and earnestly instructing his students.
“Then, pull away,” Feng Huaihe hugged Zhu Qing loosely from behind, his warm breath tickling her neck.
He placed his hand over hers and gently guided her through the piercing.
The back of Zhu Qing's hand, chilled by the cold wind, was instantly covered by Feng Huaihe's warm palm, which protected her from the cold. Zhu Qing's fingers twitched slightly, and she quietly looked up at Feng Huaihe.
She was so close to him, teaching him hand in hand, that she could even see his individual eyelashes and the snow-white indifference in his eyes.
"Did you hear the sizzling sound of the taut bowstring?" He suddenly looked down, saw her looking at him, paused for a moment, then curled the corners of his mouth: "Don't look at me, look at the target."
"..."
Zhu Qing turned her head awkwardly and stared intently at the target in front of her.
"Imagine that it's not a target, but the person you hate the most, or the thing you fear the most. If you hit it with an arrow, the person you hate or the thing you fear will cease to exist."
'call out--'
As soon as he finished speaking, he and Zhu Qing released the bowstring, and the arrow shot out with a thud, hitting the target right in the bullseye.
Zhu Qingxin was overjoyed and turned to look at Feng Huaihe: "I'm starting to feel it!"
Seeing the joy on her face, Feng Huaihe was in a good mood, but he didn't show it on his face. He slowly released her and handed her an arrow: "Try it yourself."
When Zhu Qing took the arrow, she noticed the Buddhist prayer beads on his wrist.
I've seen him wearing it since we were in Chang'an, but he wasn't on the way to Jinyang, and now he's wearing it again.
As Zhu Qing drew his bow, he casually asked, "Jing Wan, did you kill him?"
"yes."
Feng Huaihe readily admitted it, stepped aside, and looked at Zhu Qing's serious profile, afraid that she would blame him.
But she said nothing, only that, "Since you killed him, there's no need to wear Buddhist beads to repent."
Feng Huaihe paused for a moment, then laughed and said, "Wearing this bead is not for repentance."
What is that?
“Let me express my loyalty to Buddha,” Feng Huaihe said, “because I’ve seen you again.”
'call out--'
Zhu Qing released the bow and arrow, the sound of it cutting through the air drowning out Feng Huaihe's voice. She focused on the arrow the whole time; it flew out, but only traveled halfway before falling to the ground with a thud.
Clearly, she lacked arm strength.
Zhu Qing sighed regretfully.
Feng Huaihe caught the arrow and put it away, saying, "Let's practice again tomorrow. The wind and snow are too heavy today, which will have some impact."
Zhu Qing didn't insist; her hands were getting cold from practicing like that. She and Feng Huaihe walked towards Xihua Hall, and she asked him, "How is Li Cunxu?"
Feng Huaihe said indifferently, "They're not that easy to trust. But they won't kill us so easily either."
"Then what should we do?"
Zhu Qing felt anxious upon hearing this answer. She only knew the course of history, but when it came to dealing with people's hearts and waging war against them, she was no match for Feng Huaihe.
If Feng Huaihe cannot gain Li Cunxu's trust, she, now one with him, will also be implicated.
Feng Huaihe glanced at her and said, "What are you worried about? I'm not Zhang Yin, incompetent enough to not be able to protect you."
"Don't be too arrogant. No matter what Zhang Yin was like in my past life, it was you who turned the knife on me."
Feng Huaihe remained silent. In his previous life, he had shouldered heavy responsibilities and perhaps had some other selfish motives. In any case, he had no explanation for killing Zhu Qing and would not defend himself.
But this did not stop him from hating Zhang Yin's scheming.
He has nothing in this life, and he doesn't have the grand ideals and responsibilities of his previous life. He belongs to Zhu Qing alone.
He then said, "In short, you don't need to worry about this. There may be dangers when we go to the battlefield together with the monarch, but I will not let you die."
"Tch, where does he get such a big mouth?"
"Alright, your brother and sister-in-law will be here soon. Think about the marriage I mentioned yesterday. If you want to be a strategist in the future, you will have to step forward. I won't keep you hidden here forever."
Zhu Qing's eyes lit up, "Really?"
"On the condition that you don't run away and live a good life with me after we get married, I can be an ordinary couple with you."
Zhu Qing's eyes dimmed again. "Let me think about it some more."
Feng Huaihe glanced at her secretly, but didn't say anything. He seemed confident, so he wasn't in a hurry to urge her.
Zhu Qing continued, "If you were to assist Li Cunxu, you would be on the same side as Zhang Yin. Don't you hate him the most? If you were to see him, you might make the wrong judgment again."
"So what?" Feng Huaihe's tone was full of disdain for Zhang Yin. What he didn't say was that now that he was here, he would never give Zhang Yin another chance to assist Li Cunxu.
Now that Zhang Yin is under the protection of Li Keyong and his son, he wants to gain their trust, so he cannot rush into killing Zhang Yin.
He had other options; enduring it for now was simply to ensure he wouldn't have to see Zhang Yin again in the future.
"Young master, the Zhu family's carriage has arrived," an unfamiliar servant announced.
Zhu Qing then realized that there were many more servants in the house, only Bao Fu and Chen Zhong were acquaintances. She hadn't expected Feng Huaihe to actually take that step.
As Zhu Qing pondered this, she walked towards the gate of the house, and sure enough, she saw two carriages slowly approaching, one after the other.
Zhu Zhengyang held Manman in his arms with one hand and led Nie Zhen by the hand with the other. Zhu Yubo and Chen Sangguo followed closely behind.
They had a lot of luggage, each carrying large and small bags, but their faces showed no signs of fatigue, and they seemed to have had a very pleasant journey.
The family met and chattered incessantly as they walked into the house.
Feng Huaihe followed them from a distance and saw Zhu Qing surrounded by them, who kept calling her "Qingqing" and asking her about her journey and how she managed to get such a large house and so many servants.
Zhu Qing pulled Manman in one hand and Chen Sangguo in the other, made up a few excuses, and walked into the Washing Flower Hall with them laughing and joking.
Feng Huaihe only followed them to the door and did not go back in.
Zhu Qing, who was in front, noticed that the person who had been watching her was gone. She turned around and saw Feng Huaihe standing outside the porch, looking at them indifferently, with a faint expectation in his eyes.
Snowflakes fluttered behind him, making him look rather pitiful, all alone.
Nie Zhen turned around and saw him. She realized that he was now truly alone. She wanted to call someone in, but her husband hadn't spoken, so she didn't dare to make the decision herself.
She glanced at Zhu Zhengyang secretly.
Before Zhu Zhengyang could speak, a servant ran up behind Feng Huaihe, bowed, and said to Feng Huaihe, "Young master, someone has come to say that Li Cunxu wants to see you."
Feng Huaihe hummed in agreement, glanced at Zhu Qing one last time, said there was no need to stay for dinner, and then turned and left.
Zhu Qing heard the servant's announcement and frowned uneasyly. He worried that since he hadn't trusted him yesterday, and now he wanted to see him again, there might be a trap.
However, the Li Cunxu that Zhu Qing knew in history was not a cunning person. The Later Tang Dynasty he founded was destroyed because he was obsessed with opera and favored male actors, which gave others an opportunity.
After thinking about it, Zhu Qing felt a little relieved and went into the Washing Flower Hall with her family.
Once the group sat down, they became even more talkative, and the once quiet Xihuatang suddenly became lively and bustling.
The house was large enough, and Feng Huaihe must have thought it through in advance, as each of the three brothers had their own courtyard, and even Chen Sangguo and Chen Zhong were given their own courtyards.
After Zhu Qing assigned them to hospital rooms and there were no objections, Zhu Zhengyang asked, "Was Feng Huaihe with you the whole way?"
Zhu Qing nodded.
"Is this house yours or his?" Zhu Zhengyang sensed something was wrong.
Zhu Qing had given almost all of Tian Lingzi's gifts to Zhu Feichuan to help him build his fortune. Where would she find the extra money to purchase such a large house?
Zhu Qing didn't hide it, "It's his. He was pursuing me, and he gave it to me."
"Chasing you?" Several people asked in unison, all turning to look at her.
"He gave it to me because he wanted to marry me and wanted to show me his affection."
Zhu Zhengyang felt uneasy: "Shouldn't he have a matchmaker come to propose marriage? What kind of procedure is this? And who would offer such an expensive house to marry a wife? I'm not saying she's not worth it, but Feng Huaihe is giving too much. I'm afraid he has ulterior motives."
Zhu Qing gave him a thumbs up in his heart; he had already seen through Feng Huaihe's ulterior motives!
She didn't want to talk much about her relationship with Feng Huaihe, only saying, "Anyway, I have my own considerations, so don't worry about it. Just stay here in peace."
Zhu Qing couldn't imagine anywhere safer than this place, and had no intention of moving them anywhere else.
Although Feng Huaihe wasn't a very good person, she was completely at ease about his safety.
It's just that Feng Huaihe is very suspicious. The fact that he was able to close the Secretariat for so many years, preventing even a biting fly from getting in, is enough to say a lot...
Hearing her say that, Zhu Zhengyang stopped asking questions.
On his way here, he saw many beautiful sights and suddenly realized that Qingqing, because of her weak health, had lived a secluded life before serving in the shogunate and had seen very limited things.
She had been under their protection for so many years.
But Zhu Qing has grown up and is planning the future for her family. She will not always be the Qingqing they protect; she should have her own choices and life, and be responsible for them.
But Zhu Zhengyang was also afraid that she might take a risky approach, so he couldn't help but ask, "So what do you think? Do you agree with Feng Huaihe?"
Zhu Qing replied dismissively, "We'll see."
Zhuo Yunmeng weakly interjected, "I remember when he was in Qingxi Village, he was all alone. It seems his foster mother didn't treat him very well. After being found and reunited with his family by Master Feng, he didn't have many good days before he was alone again. It's really pitiful."
Zhu Yubo, who had been silent all along, quickly chimed in, "That's right..."
He said something else after that, but Zhu Qing didn't listen.
She fell into deep thought because of Zhuo Yunmeng's words.
It wasn't that I felt sorry for Feng Huaihe, but rather that I saw a reflection of my past self in him.
Before Zhu Qing arrived here and before she remembered the memories that had been forgotten by the long river of history, she didn't actually feel a sense of belonging.
Although her brother and sister-in-law were good to her, she knew this wasn't her home. She still worried that if her identity were exposed, they might leave.
But in her previous life, in that modern-day home that wasn't really a home, Zhu Qing still felt no sense of belonging.
No matter where she goes, no place is her home.
What difference is there between him and the current Feng Huaihe? Qingxi Village was the birthplace of his elder sister's hatred, and the wealthy Feng family was the birthplace of his father Feng Ruling's obsession. He was merely a product of tragedy.
Just like her.
He was both insecure and lacked love. Last time at the inn at the Yellow River ferry, he clearly wanted to hear Zhu Qing say things like she didn't love Zhang Yin and didn't want to protect him, but he used the most awkward and contradictory approach because of his insecurity.
Every time he saw Zhang Yin, he would go crazy in front of Zhu Qing.
In her past life, Zhu Qing would go crazy and argue with her parents every time she returned to that home. Her extreme behavior was not much different from Feng Huaihe's in the present.
They are all using this base method to seek a sense of existence and proof of being loved.
Zhu Qing lowered her eyes, suddenly feeling a lump in her throat. No matter how crazy she went, her parents would never love her, just as she would never love Feng Huaihe.
Suddenly a warm hand reached out and took hers.
She looked up and saw Zhuo Yunmeng smiling gently at her. Zhuo Yunmeng didn't say anything, but simply stroked the back of her hand.
Zhuo Yunmeng then said, "When I came in just now, I noticed that some people outside the house seemed a bit strange. But I don't know much about this place, so I dare not make any conclusions. Would you like to go and take a look?"
Zhu Qing was stunned for a moment, feeling that Zhuo Yunmeng's smile was warmer than a stove in winter.
Zhuo Yunmeng's strength lies in this: she has a clear mind and can see everything, but she never says it out loud.
Zhu Qing stood up. "I'll go check it out. Things are tense right now; I hope nothing bad has happened."
Zhu Zhengyang followed behind her, saying, "I'll go with you."
The brother and sister went out together. Zhu Qing stood outside the gate and carefully observed the surroundings. Sure enough, she saw that many people were pretending to be setting up stalls or shopping, but their eyes were actually glancing in this direction.
Almost immediately, Zhu Qing thought that they might be people from Li Keyong and his son.
It's hard not to be suspicious that Feng Huaihe, a renowned strategist, would betray Chang'an and actively seek refuge with them.
However, not wanting to lose such a strategist, and unwilling to kill him directly, they naturally had to find someone to keep an eye on him and test him. If any problems were found, they could kill him immediately.
It's a strategy that guarantees a profit.
Zhu Qing silently counted in her mind, there were about thirty people, not many, so they must have a backup plan.
She was a little worried, so she went back with Zhu Zhengyang without explaining the situation to her family so as not to worry them.
As night deepened, the house became quiet, with only the sound of the wind howling under the eaves and the rustling of falling snow.
Zhu Qingli stood by the window, staring in the direction of the gate, waiting for Feng Huaihe to return.
She was somewhat anxious, not because she was worried about Feng Huaihe, but because she was worried that he didn't have her trust and that if something happened to him, she would be implicated.
Time passed slowly, and the night grew deeper, but Feng Huaihe still did not return, nor did he send a single message.
Zhu Qing was so anxious she couldn't sit still. She disliked this feeling of being out of control. Having already died once, she dared not entrust her life to Feng Huaihe alone.
Zhu Qing put on thick clothes, wrapped himself in a cloak, put on the woolen hood of the cloak, took the dagger that his elder brother used to use to deal with small prey, opened an umbrella, and went out into the wind and snow.
It was already curfew, so Zhu Qing dared not be open about it and had to sneak around to Zhang Yin's residence.
Last time in the carriage, Zhang Yin told her his current address. She knocked on the door, and someone opened it and poked their head out. As if they had received instructions, the person quickly let her in, just in time to avoid a patrol of soldiers.
The man took Zhu Qing to see Zhang Yin. Zhang Yin had been playing a game of leaf-picking for a while and was just about to go to sleep when he saw her arrive. He was very surprised: "So late, what brings you here...?"
Zhu Qing took off her woolen hat, revealing her face flushed from running, and looked up at him, getting straight to the point: "I need to see Li Cunxu, can you take me there?"
She knew that Zhang Yin had a connection with Zhang Chengye and was highly regarded by him.
Zhang Chengye and Li Keyong had some connection. Later, when Zhu Wen attacked Chang'an and massacred the eunuchs, Li Keyong secretly took Zhang Chengye away.
Zhang Yin was recommended by Zhang Chengye. Although he wasn't a powerful minister, it was still easy for him to meet with Zhang Yin late at night.
Zhang Yin put on his cloak, straightened his clothes, and handed Zhu Qing a hand warmer. "I do have a token that allows me to pass through curfew, but what are you going to see him for so late?"
Zhu Qing said succinctly, "Something came up."
Zhang Yin frowned. "Is it for Feng Huaihe?"
"No, it's for myself."
Zhang Yin didn't ask any more questions and told her to come with him.
Zhu Qing boarded Zhang Yin's carriage and slowly headed towards Li Cunxu's residence. On the way, soldiers blocked the road, but Zhang Yin did not show his face. He simply held out a sign and said, "I have urgent business to discuss with the Third Protector."
"So it's Mr. Yin..." The soldiers made way for them.
The carriage creaked and groaned as it arrived at its destination. Zhu Qing followed closely behind Zhang Yin and went to Li Cunxu's residence.
The gate was tightly shut, and several soldiers guarded the outside. Zhu Qing looked up and saw light shining through the crack in the door.
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