Chapter 40
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The wind in June is warm, but the starry sky in June is bright.
"What's wrong?" Tang Mu hooked back her hair that was messed up by the wind and tucked it behind her ears. She turned sideways and looked at Jin Xi. This should be the first time that Jin Xi took the initiative to invite her.
The interlaced cans under the starry sky seem to represent the friendship of youth.
Jin Xi took another big sip and said, "Nothing, I just want to drink something." Jin Xi can be alone, but she doesn't want to be alone.
Jin Xi felt as if the whole world had abandoned her.
"Come to think of it, this is the first time you've invited me." Tang Mu narrowed his eyes slightly and took a sip of beer. A night like this seemed to make one want to say something. "For the past two years, you've been lukewarm with the people in the dorm." Tang Mu and Jin Xi weren't as close as the rumors said, like sisters. It was just that it was rare for someone of the same sex to appear around Jin Xi, so Tang Mu had always been considered Jin Xi's "close friend." Tang Mu herself said that the two of them were probably just "fake sisters."
"..." Jin Xi glanced meaningfully at the beautiful woman beside her. "You're the same, aren't you?" How could Tang Mu be any better than her? Tang Mu was nice to everyone. In other words, Tang Mu didn't really like anyone. Everyone was the same to her. "Besides, I can't get along with them." Jin Xi never thought about ruining the relationship in the dormitory. She didn't need to be familiar with them, nor did she need to deliberately distance herself from them. But Jin Xi didn't expect that one of her roommates had a crush on Gao Yu...
"Haha, that's true. It's a bit difficult for you, Jinyuanhua." Tang Mu understood that there were too many girls in the academy who regarded Jinxi as an imaginary enemy. They didn't like Jinxi, so how could Jinxi like them?
"Stop making fun of me." Jin Xi knew that Tang Mu was a smart person, and Jin Xi was willing to make friends with smart people.
"What happened today?" Tang Mu was not present, but heard it from others. However, Tang Mu couldn't understand why Jin Xi announced in a "high-profile" manner that she was with Gao Yu. "I remember you said a long time ago that you didn't like Gao Yu. Why did you do this to him in public today?" Was it just to piss off Xue Ren?
"..." Jin Xi didn't expect Tang Mu to be skeptical. In the eyes of others, it was obvious that it was "natural" for her and Gao Yu to be together.
"Hey, don't be so surprised. If you like Gao Yu, you two would have been together a long time ago." Although Tang Mu and Jin Xi were not real "best friends", they must have some understanding of each other after two years of formal relationship. "Besides, Gao Yu doesn't look..." like a nobody.
Jin Xi sighed, "He and I each get what we need."
"Really?" Tang Mu stopped asking.
After finishing one can of beer, Jin Xi picked up another one and gulped down half of it, but her consciousness became more and more clear.
Tang Mu silently observed Jin Xi's state. Jin Xi was acting strangely tonight. Was she sad? Was it because of Xue Ren? Tang Mu felt that it was impossible. Could it be... "Jin Xi..."
"Um?"
"Ren Qiao'an." For some reason, Tang Mu searched for this name in his mind.
"..." Jin Xi paused.
"You two?" Tang Mu tried to ask.
Jin Xi immediately denied it, "There's nothing between us."
"..." Tang Mu didn't expect that his trick would succeed, "Hahahaha, I was just asking casually."
"..." Jin Xi frowned, she had been set up.
After laughing, Tang Mu continued, "If I remember correctly, you seemed to have taken the initiative to ask me for help several times recently, all for one person." Mountain climbing, Penguin account, photos, when did Jin Xi ever care about these things, and all these things were for a girl...Haha, if Tang Mu still couldn't see anything, then she must be stupid.
"No way..." Jin Xi, whose secret was touched, turned her head away awkwardly, avoiding Tang Mu's gaze.
Phew... The "arrogant" Jin Xi was actually shy. Tang Mu always felt that there was something weird about these two people. Now it was confirmed that there must be something fishy going on between them.
"Jinxi, you don't like me, do you?"
"…No!"
What was with this coy and weak denial… Tang Mu had just made a joke, and she had actually hit the mark? No way. No way!
But Jin Xi's reaction, turning her head away, her ears reddening, and not even looking at her to deny it, wasn't this just agreeing with what Tang Mu said!
Tang Mu never expected that Jin Xi cared about him in this way.
"Then... are you still with Gao Yu?" According to common sense, shouldn't she be with Ren Qiao'an? In that case, if Jin Xi and Ren Qiao'an announced that they were together one day, Tang Mu wouldn't seem to find it strange.
Jin Xi calmed down and asked Tang Mu, "Isn't that the kind of person I am?"
Yes, Jinxi, you are such a woman. Wouldn't it be better to let her see everything clearly? Then she will be completely disappointed in you...
Disappointed? Jin Xi is disappointed in herself...
"..." What Tang Mu admired most about Jin Xi was that she never cared about other people's opinions. Otherwise, with Jin Xi's ability, it wouldn't be difficult for some girls to like her. Tang Mu had always believed that Jin Xi didn't care about the outside world's opinions, so she always did her own thing. "Only you can judge what kind of person you are. Jin Xi, when have you ever cared about other people's opinions?"
Tang Mu’s words made Jin Xi unable to refute, but... Tang Mu didn’t understand, she... "Anyway, I can't like her." After saying that, Jin Xi lowered her head and kicked the can at her feet.
Jin Xi can't like Ren Qiao'an.
Can't like it.
“…You’ll push people away by doing this.” Tang Mu couldn’t understand.
"Just push it away." The rolling can hit the wall and rolled back. Jin Xi crushed it with one foot, "It's better to keep it far away."
For the first time, Tang Mu discovered that Jin Xi had a weird side to her personality, and it was... oddly cute. "Why is she like a weird, naughty kid?" She had to pretend to be indifferent to those she disliked, but pushed away those she liked. Following this logic, Tang Mu suddenly understood who Jin Xi's actions today were for.
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Jin Xi can't like Ren Qiao'an.
Can't like it.
Since childhood, Jin Xi has understood a truth: love is heartache.
Four-year-old Jinxi didn't understand the meaning of divorce. She only knew they had moved from the city to the countryside. With her grandfather in the family, her father was no longer around. Her father was always away on business, and the naive young Jinxi could only wait by the window every night, yearning for his return.
My father’s smile is warm, like sunshine in winter.
Every time her father returned, he would bring the most beautiful gifts. So in the kindergarten (and in the entire village), Jinxi was always the prettiest child. Back then, Jinxi always thought her father loved her, very much, because he would always say, "Look, my little princess, you're so beautiful!"
Before she was seven, Jin Xi enjoyed her mother's meticulous care. Until one day, her mother said she wanted to go back home because she could no longer bear life in the countryside.
Jin Xi didn't understand. Where did her mother want to go back to? Hadn't their home always been here?
Young Jin Xi cried bitterly in her mother's arms, begging her mother to take her with her, but her mother left without looking back and went alone to the so-called big city.
Nine-year-old Jin Xi already vaguely understood something, but she still longed for her parents to come home, even if they no longer showed up at the same time.
Later, one day, her father came to see Jinxi with a little kid in his arms and told her that this was her younger brother.
Jinxi is no longer the young Jinxi.
Only then did Jin Xi understand that the smile her father gave her when he looked at her brother was love, and what he gave her was just charity.
From then on, the more her father gave her, the more clearly Jin Xi felt that her father did not love her.
Later, Jinxi had a younger sister.
Jin Xi understood that her mother's love was gone.
Gradually, it seemed as if everyone's life was getting better. They sent more and more living expenses to Grandpa, and Jinxi's material conditions were always the best among her peers. However, Jinxi understood that the more material things they gave, the greater the distance between them. They simply wanted to push their former daughter away.
Gradually, Jin Xi stopped begging and fantasizing. She cried and tried to beg him to stay, but the world was like this. The more she wanted, the less she could get. The more she liked, the more disappointed she became. Given this, perhaps not loving, not expecting, was the best solution.
After growing up, Jinxi learned how to pretend and not to like others.
After all, if she can't even trust her parents' love, what else can she trust?
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