Chapter 3: Paying Respects? Better to Just Die.
The first moment of Mao Shi.
On this winter morning, the sky was as black as ink. The north wind howled and lashed against the windowpanes, making a teeth-grinding creaking sound. The entire capital was still immersed in a deep sleep, but the main courtyard of the Regent's Palace was brightly lit.
"Your Highness, it's time to get up."
A rigid, stern, and emotionless call pierced through the layers of curtains like a demonic sound, striking Jiang Mianmian's eardrums directly.
Beneath the brocade quilt, Jiang Mianmian frowned in pain. She turned over, pulling the quilt over her head, trying to shut herself out of this malicious world.
[Shut up! Who's talking? Don't you know it's illegal to disturb someone's sleep? Have alarm clocks evolved into AI voice alarms these days? Siri, shut up, just five more minutes... just five minutes...]
However, that artificial intelligence clearly didn't have a power-off button.
"Your Highness, it's already dawn. The Prince has instructed that you must go to the palace today to pay your respects to the Empress Dowager and also to offer sacrifices to your ancestors. You must not be late."
As soon as those words were spoken, that merciless claw reached in and yanked off the warm quilt.
Cold air rushed in instantly.
Jiang Mianmian suddenly shivered and was forced to open her eyes.
What came into view was an old nanny with a wrinkled face and sharp eyes. She was a senior member of the Prince's mansion and was known for her strictness. At this moment, she was holding a basin of water for washing her face and looking down at her.
After a three-second pause, Jiang Mianmian's brain finally restarted successfully.
Oh, right, she time-traveled. Oh, right, yesterday that petty regent told her to get up early to pay her respects.
【Chen Jin! You son of a bitch! Mao Shi? That's 5 AM! The roosters haven't even gotten up yet, and you want me to? Are you the reincarnation of Zhou Bapi? This is retribution! Blatant personal vendetta! Just because I said you're impotent? What, are you getting up this early to prove your morning erections are normal?】
Outside the window, Shen Jin, who was about to come in to "inspect the results," stumbled and almost missed a step.
He steadied himself with a dark expression and took a deep breath.
What's wrong with this woman's brain? How can she think of everything in that way?
Inside the room, Jiang Mianmian had already been forcibly dragged off the bed by the nanny. She was like a boneless mollusk, letting the maids do whatever they wanted to her.
Get dressed, wash up, and comb your hair.
Although she no longer needed to wear the heavy phoenix crown, it still took her most of the day to comb her elaborate hair. Jiang Mianmian sat in front of the dressing table, her eyes vacant, her head bobbing up and down like a worm.
[So sleepy... My soul has left my body... I'm just a walking corpse now... Why do I have to bow? Why do I have to put on makeup? Why weren't there any sudden death insurance policies in ancient times? If I die now, can I travel back in time?]
"Your Highness, please stand properly; you need to wear a corset." The old nanny reminded her coldly.
Jiang Mianmian was forced to stand up. The maid took a long belt and tightened it around her waist, trying to make her look as delicate as a willow in the wind.
“Uh…” Jiang Mianmian rolled her eyes.
[Just strangle me already! This isn't a corset, it's some kind of physical sterilization to squeeze out all the E. coli! That pervert Shen Jin definitely wants to see me humiliated. He wants me to go to the palace to pay my respects? He wants me to make him look good? Heh, dream on.]
After getting ready, Jiang Mianmian was helped out of the room by her nanny.
A cold wind swept over her, and Jiang Mianmian shivered. She looked up at the dark sky, her heart filled with despair.
[It's not even dawn yet! Going out in this weather will freeze you solid! Greetings? What a load of rubbish! You might as well just die!]
Just then, footsteps sounded at the courtyard gate.
Shen Jin, dressed in a dark court robe and draped in a black cloak, looked refreshed and imposing. He had arrived long ago, having listened to Jiang Mianmian's inner thoughts for a long time, and was now here to watch the show.
He wanted to see the woman beg for mercy, or to see her put on a brave face to please him.
"Your Highness has awakened?" Shen Jin walked up to her, a wicked smile curving his lips. "It's getting late. Come with me to the palace."
Looking at that face that was so handsome it was outrageous, yet at this moment it seemed incredibly irritating, Jiang Mianmian's inner volcano finally erupted.
[Going to the palace? Going to the palace my ass! An hour-long bumpy carriage ride, kneeling before that old hag Empress Dowager, and listening to a bunch of women's sarcastic remarks… No way, this workload is too much! Not only is there no overtime pay, but it's also seriously damaging my physical and mental health.]
【I can't go! I absolutely can't go! But if I don't go, it's disobeying the imperial decree, it's being unfaithful as a woman, and that scoundrel will definitely use this as an excuse to punish me... What should I do?】
[Got it! Since I'm a "sickly beauty," I'll make full use of my physical advantages! Skill card loading—"Feigning Stun in One Second," activated!]
Shen Jin was waiting to see how she would respond when he suddenly heard a crisp sound of a skill being activated in his mind.
Immediately afterward, Jiang Mianmian, who was barely standing despite being swaying a second ago, suddenly turned deathly pale (actually, she was holding her breath).
"Your Highness..."
She reached out her trembling hand, as if trying to grasp Chen Jin's sleeve, her eyes unfocused, her voice so weak it sounded like she might die at any moment, "This concubine... this concubine suddenly feels a sharp pain in her chest... I can't breathe..."
Before she could finish speaking, her body, like a withered leaf, fell backward softly and gracefully.
Of course, the angle at which she fell was precisely calculated—she landed right behind that plump, muscular old woman.
"princess!"
"Oh my god, the princess has fainted!"
The scene instantly descended into chaos. The plump old woman frantically caught Jiang Mianmian, her face trembling with fear.
Meanwhile, Jiang Mianmian, who was "in a coma," was comfortably nestled in her nanny's bouncy arms, her eyes closed, inwardly letting out a squeal of joy like a groundhog:
[Nice! Perfect! I give this a perfect score! Perfect falling posture, perfect facial expression control! As long as I'm unconscious, I don't have to go to pay my respects! As long as I'm unconscious, I can go back to bed for a nap with a clear conscience! Hahahaha, I'm such a genius!]
[Chen Jin was dumbfounded, wasn't she? Didn't expect that, did she? Trying to mess with me? In your next life! Quick, Granny, take me back! I miss my pillow!]
Shen Jin stood there, looking at the woman whose eyes were closed and who seemed unconscious, but was actually celebrating in her heart with champagne.
His lips twitched violently.
Stunned?
He was truly dumbfounded.
He had seen people feign illness before, but never one so confidently and smoothly. Moreover, the timing of her fainting was more precise than his bodyguards' killings.
"Your Highness, this..." The plump nanny panicked, "The Princess Consort is frail and may not be able to withstand the cold. She cannot come to the palace to pay her respects..."
Looking at Jiang Mianmian's slightly trembling eyelashes, Shen Jin felt a deep sense of powerlessness welling up inside him.
If he exposes her, this woman will definitely have other tricks up her sleeve. She might vomit all over him in the carriage, or even perform a "vomiting blood" act in front of the Empress Dowager.
He'll be the one who loses face in the end.
Moreover, upon hearing her inner thought, "Finally, I can go back to sleep," Shen Jin strangely felt... a little envious?
He gets up at dawn every day to attend court, rain or shine, and has never had the privilege of taking a nap.
"Never mind."
With a cold expression, Shen Jin waved his sleeve and said, "The Princess Consort is in poor health, so she is exempt from coming to the palace to pay her respects today. From now on, the morning and evening greetings will also be waived, so let her 'recuperate' in the courtyard."
[Holy crap? Really? I don't have to pay my respects anymore? What kind of divine reward is this? Happiness came so suddenly, I just want to jump up and kiss him! Shen Jin, you're such a good person! You're a living Bodhisattva! You're an angel descended to earth!]
Upon hearing the line "I want to jump up and kiss him," Chen Jin's ears inexplicably warmed.
"but--"
He changed the subject, his gaze sweeping over the woman who was still pretending to be dead, "Since the princess is seriously ill, her meals for the next few days should be light, with no meat or fish, only congee and side dishes, so as not to make her too weak to take the supplements."
Jiang Mianmian, who was mentally setting off fireworks, froze instantly.
[What?! Plain porridge and side dishes?! My meat! My braised pork! My chicken leg! Shen Jin, you devil! I take back what I just said, you're not a bodhisattva, you're the King of Hell! You're a miserly tyrant! You're a paramecium without taste buds!]
Hearing the string of furious insults, Shen Jin felt instantly relieved.
Ha, you want to fight me?
"Escort the princess back to her room to rest."
Shen Jin left these words behind, turned around and strode away, his steps light and quick, even his back view exuding a sense of joy at having avenged his great grudge.
Behind her, Jiang Mianmian was carried back to her room.
The moment she touched the bed, she wanted to rise from the dead and start cursing, but because there were maids around, she could only remain in a "comatose" state. However, her little hand, hidden under the quilt, fiercely tore the bed sheet into a ball of pickled vegetables.
【Shen Jin, you win! I'll remember this! When I wake up, I'm going to sneak a bite in the kitchen! I don't believe you can lock the kitchen!】
...
Half an hour later, in the imperial court.
The ministers were surprised to find that the regent, who usually had a cold and aloof expression and seemed ready to wipe out the entire family at any moment, seemed to be in a rather good mood today?
Even when he heard the Minister of Revenue complaining about being poor, he didn't immediately throw down his memorial, but instead listened patiently to the whole thing.
"Does Your Highness have some joyous occasion today?" After the court session ended, a trusted minister asked cautiously.
Shen Jin thought of the woman who pretended to faint in order to sleep in, and who was probably dreaming of eating chicken legs right now.
"It's nothing."
He said casually, a barely perceptible smile flashing in his eyes, "I just discovered that there's a very interesting... pig being kept in the manor."
A pig that can not only eat and sleep, but also curse in his head.
These monotonous days finally seem to have some fun.
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