Seeing that he hesitated to make a move, but instead took a cloak and wrapped it around her, Qingchen was finally certain that he had known her identity all along.
If he hadn't known, he wouldn't have minded helping a man loosen his belt—it was just a small favor. He knew she was a woman, which is why he reacted this way, politely and with great manners. Just like that day at the inn in Huairou, when he absolutely refused to share a bed with her, it was also because of his gentlemanly conduct.
This is Song Yue, the Song Yue she knows.
He let out a soft breath and said quietly, "Know what?"
A cold wind blew in through the window, and Shen Qingchen shivered, her voice choked with emotion, "You knew perfectly well, you knew perfectly well that I was..."
"Woman." He finished the last two words for her. Since things had come to this point, he would be the one to free her.
"Teacher..." Qingchen couldn't hold back any longer, her eyes reddening and becoming slightly moist.
For years, she kept her secret tightly hidden, mingling with men as she took the imperial examinations and entered officialdom. For six years, she hadn't lived a single day as a woman. Even in front of her closest uncle, she dared not relax her guard for a moment, lest she be accidentally discovered and cause a terrible mistake.
Over the past six years, she has gradually adapted to the feeling of having a heavy weight on her mind, from the initial tension, unease, and anxiety. She no longer worries or feels anxious every day, unsure of what tomorrow will bring or how to get through it. However, this does not mean that she is free from burdens.
Just as she had asked Song Yue before, Mulan joined the army in place of her father and, despite her numerous military achievements, concealed her identity as a woman, which was still considered deceiving the emperor. Deceiving the emperor inevitably meant losing one's head and potentially implicating one's family and friends. Like Mulan, she was also working hard to contribute to the country and its people, but she still didn't know if any merit she accumulated could bring back her own and her loved ones' lives.
For six years, she dreamt countless nights of her identity being exposed, of being handcuffed and shackled, and led to the execution ground. With a single command of "Deceiving the emperor, according to the law, one should be executed," the executioner's blade fell, and she was beheaded. Her father, her second uncle, and even the entire Lin family were implicated, suffering sudden misfortune and ruin. She would often wake up drenched in sweat from these dreams.
Now, her identity has finally been discovered, and thankfully, the person is Song Yue.
The feeling was so contradictory and complex that when she asked, "You know, right?" a flood of emotions surged through her, making her unable to contain her excitement.
"Alright, don't cry." Song Yue gently wiped her eyes with his sleeve. "Hurry up and put your clothes on."
Having said that, he bent down, picked up her outer robe, and handed it to her, then turned away from her. Qingchen took a deep breath, calmed herself, and put on her clothes with trembling hands.
After getting dressed, she looked at his straight back and said, "Teacher... I'm ready."
Song Yue turned around, and the person in front of her had recovered from her excited state and returned to her usual calm demeanor, just like she usually was—a humble and composed young man. Her eyes, washed clean by tears, were even brighter than before.
He walked over to the stove, tucked in his sleeves, poked at the embers, and said softly, "Now you're really freezing."
When he came back, she looked up at him and said, "If I didn't do this, how could you possibly admit it?"
Song Yue smiled slightly. "You're very smart and very bold."
She lowered her eyes and asked, "When did you find out?"
He knew it from the shadow she cast while changing clothes. But even then, he wasn't entirely sure, which is why he had her copy the Ballad of Mulan. Later, as he spent more time with her, his intuition told him more and more clearly that she was a woman. Intelligent, sensitive, diligent, resilient, gentle and kind, with a strength beneath her gentleness…
Through her wisdom and courage, she rose step by step to where she is today, becoming a Jinshi (successful candidate in the highest imperial examination) on two separate occasions, an official of the Ming Dynasty, and a potential prime minister. Thinking of this, an image of her suddenly appeared in his mind: her wearing a scarlet brocade official robe, a black gauze hat, a gold and jade belt around her waist, standing alone proudly in the Golden Palace, holding her tablet and submitting a memorial, speaking out for justice… Her face was elegant and refined, her expression solemn, even more composed and confident than she was now.
But before that, she still has a long way to go.
"Teacher?" Qingchen imitated him, tapping on the table.
Song Yue snapped out of her daze, "Hmm..."
“You still haven’t answered me. Since when did you realize that I’m different from your other students?” Even if he was her teacher, she needed to figure out the fatal details she had overlooked.
“When I first started teaching you, it was raining once, and I took you back to my residence to change your clothes. That’s when I found out.”
Qingchen gazed at the smoke rising from the incense burner, carefully recalling the scene from that day. She was soaked to the bone, shivering like a leaf, standing by the roadside, when his carriage drove up. He said he wanted to discuss poetry with her and got her into his carriage, but actually he wanted her to change out of her wet clothes.
Then she went to his study and changed her clothes behind a screen. He had been working at his desk, but then left. The only time she might have been exposed was while changing clothes.
Qingchen pursed her lips. "How did you figure that out?"
"You went behind the screen to change your clothes, and there was a shadow of yours on the wall. I didn't know you were a woman, so I didn't try to be discreet... I'm sorry, I was rude."
She was slightly embarrassed. "...It's okay."
"Then..." Shen Qingchen mentally prepared herself for a moment, looked at him steadily, and calmly asked, "Now that you know I am a woman, will you hand me over to the imperial court?"
Looking at the person in front of her, Song Yue had been feeling emotional just moments before because her secret had been exposed, but in no time she had composed herself and was now looking at him with an open and fearless attitude.
Her slightly raised eyebrows and clear, resolute eyes showed no intention of using their teacher-student relationship to get him to keep her secret. Instead, she was prepared to negotiate. A negotiation between intelligent people.
Very good. Regardless of who she's dealing with, she's clearly realized that no one can be lucky forever. Learning to protect oneself before the next misfortune strikes, and not waiting for anyone to lend a helping hand, is of paramount importance.
Calm, fearless, and intelligent, she was indeed the kind of person who, upon arriving at the Ministry of Works to observe governance, could seize the opportunity to display her talents, and who, upon meeting the emperor, could shine brightly and rise rapidly in rank. Given an opportunity, she would grasp it tightly, like a vine, striving to climb and grow.
He had to admit that she was well-suited to the officialdom.
"What if I teach you, and what if I don't?"
Qingchen glanced out the window, then slowly picked up the doucai teapot in front of him and poured hot tea for the two of them.
The sound of flowing water filled the room, and wisps of tea smoke rose gently.
“Teacher, you can’t teach me.” She calmly stared at him and said, “Since ancient times, teachers and students have been separate entities. You have been my teacher for three months. In other people’s eyes, you and I are already in the same boat. Teachers are smart people and will consider the pros and cons of everything. Now I will discuss the pros and cons of this move for you.”
Song Yue took a sip of the tea she poured, quietly watching her as she unraveled the mystery bit by bit.
"Teacher, handing me over might enhance your reputation for righteousness in punishing your disciple and even earn you some rewards. But for you, who are already in the position of Second Assistant Minister, these insignificant reputations and rewards are meaningless. What you care more about is how to assist the monarch in governing the country and how to ensure that all the people live in peace and prosperity, rather than using a student to achieve some good name. This 'benefit' is far too small for you."
As she spoke, she picked up her teacup, took a sip, and moistened her throat. Song Yue reminded her, "Drink slowly, speak slowly, don't rush."
Outside, fine snowflakes continued to fall, landing little by little on the window frame.
“As for the drawbacks,” Shen Qingchen continued, “I currently hold four positions: I am the heir apparent to the cabinet, and I also have the Crown Prince to rely on. My teacher is my political resource, but am I not also my teacher’s resource?”
"In this chaotic world, with treacherous officials in power, countless people are lamenting and beating their chests in despair, placing all their hopes for cleansing the court on you. Every bit of strength is vital, and every additional person or every bit of power could potentially change the situation and turn the tide. What reason do you have not to make the most of the resources you already hold? Handing me over would not only allow the Xu faction to mock you for having an internal conflict with your student, but it would also embarrass the Emperor, who just promoted me, and you yourself would lose a valuable asset."
"Therefore, weighing the pros and cons, if the teacher were to hand me over, it would undoubtedly be more harmful than beneficial. As intelligent as you are, you naturally know what to choose."
After Qingchen finished speaking, she looked at him quietly, calm and composed, with piercing eyes.
"Excellent analysis," he said with a faint smile. She had indeed come well-prepared; she was meticulous, calm under pressure, and her analysis was incisive and insightful—truly remarkable.
However, her statement was incomplete. Although he was in a long, silent war, many people were intentionally or unintentionally pushing him forward, forcing him to increase efficiency within a limited time, so he was very concerned about pros and cons. But he wouldn't hand her over; pros and cons were only one aspect, and what was more important was not that.
"Can you tell me why you dressed as a man?" His voice was soft, as if he were afraid of touching her wounds.
Qingchen frowned. Where should he begin?
“My father raised me as a man from a young age, always hoping that I would pass the imperial examination and become the top scholar. Later, he developed hysteria. I didn’t want to disappoint him, so I continued to treat myself as a man. But I never expected that one day I would actually pass the imperial examination and enter the Hanlin Academy. I thought, if Heaven really gave me the opportunity to enter the court as a woman and prove that women are not inferior to men, then I cannot let this opportunity go to waste.”
She chose a path of no return, a narrow and arduous one with no end in sight, forcing her to tread carefully, as if walking on thin ice. But she diligently did what she was supposed to do, refusing to waste her life, each step taken resolutely and steadily. Even if one day this trail of footprints suddenly ended, she wouldn't regret having rushed through life without leaving a trace.
Song Yue nodded after hearing this, looking at her. "Qingchen, I never intended to expose your secret. I am your teacher; I will teach you and discipline you, but I will not betray you. Your concealment is not out of disloyalty or injustice; on the contrary, it is simply because the current nation owes all women a chance to realize their ambitions and serve the country. Therefore... I will not only not expose you, but I will also support you, encourage you, and even... take care of you and protect you."
He paused for a moment, then continued, "Since Heaven has chosen me to be your teacher and created this bond between us, let me walk this path with you."
He spoke these words carefully, and after he finished, he looked at her quietly. His face, bathed in the soft glow of snow, appeared handsome and dignified, and his long, thick eyelashes seemed to freeze time, casting two very faint shadows.
Upon hearing this, Qingchen felt a surge of emotion, an indescribable feeling of being moved.
She walked up to him, gently hugged him, and buried her head in his shoulder. "Thank you."
This natural act, following one's feelings and originating from the heart, transcends time and gender. The conscious concepts of "should" and "shouldn't," the norms of "can" and "cannot," are temporarily set aside.
At that moment, she suddenly realized that he wasn't her teacher. They were originally strangers from different worlds who had come together by fate and gradually became closer. He was willing to keep her biggest secret, even support her in doing what she wanted, and said he would take care of her and protect her.
It's less of a promise from a teacher to a student, and more of a mutual support and appreciation between close friends.
Even if mountains crumble and the earth splits, and the world changes forever, nothing can replace the feelings she had at this moment.
She knew that in her heart, he was different. Perhaps, in his heart, she was different too.
He closed his eyes, gently embraced her, and after a while released her, said, "I have a gift for you. To celebrate your promotion, Lord Shen."
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