The man's crying gradually faded from the window. I looked out the window again and saw him standing by Erhai Lake. Suddenly, I saw despair in his back and worried that he might jump. So I put on my clothes and left the courtyard. Even now, I still haven't replied to the messages from Yang Sisi and Ye Zhi.
I walked over to him and asked, "Hey buddy, what's up?"
He just turned and glanced at me without saying a word, but his pain was written all over his face.
I offered him a cigarette and said, "I run an inn nearby. I mean no harm... I just wanted to come and see if I could help you in any way."
He didn't take the cigarette from my hand, but finally said, "I'm fine."
"If you have nothing else to do, hurry up and find a place to stay and rest. It's getting late!"
"I can't sleep, I can't sleep all night long."
I offered him the cigarette I hadn't given him yet, and said, "I'm having trouble sleeping too. Let's chat for a bit."
He then took the cigarette from my hand, and I handed him the lighter as well.
The flickering flame cast a faint light between his fingers. I had found a rock to sit on before him, and while waiting for him to return the lighter, I lit a cigarette. I didn't rush to talk to him, because by the Erhai Lake, where the cold wind kept blowing, he was like a mirror to me. Through him, I saw a version of myself in unbearable pain.
As I was finishing my cigarette, I asked him, "Dude, where are you from?"
"A native of Nanjing."
"Is your love life going poorly?"
He closed his eyes and after a long while replied, "It's extremely painful, an indescribable pain!"
I tilted my head back, exhaled the smoke heavily from my mouth, and replied, "I've been through it, but I've made it through."
How long did it take you?
"Let's talk about what you've been through..."
He looked down at the nearly burnt cigarette in his hand, but showed no intention of extinguishing it. In the ensuing silence, the cigarette burned his fingers, and he endured the pain with a pained expression. But I knew that the one who was hurting the most was his heart. He thought that physical pain could numb his heart, but doing so would only make the pain worse.
Amidst the crashing waves, he finally spoke to me, saying, "We've been together for eight years. Eight years, do you know how long that is?"
"You and her entire youth."
"yes."
I offered him another cigarette and waited for him to continue.
"She betrayed me, but I hate myself... When her father was hospitalized, all my savings were only 50,000 yuan, which I used for his treatment. But that wasn't even enough for a week's medical expenses... I started borrowing money from relatives and friends, borrowing from everyone I could, and finally scraped together another 100,000 yuan; but when I delivered that money to the hospital, a man driving a Mercedes also brought her 200,000 yuan... I knew that man had been pursuing her... Haha, when she took that money from that man, I knew I was finished... I really was finished. Not long after her father was discharged, she married that man. The day before the wedding, she returned the 50,000 yuan to me, saying: 'I hope neither of us owes the other anything...'"
My heart was so heavy that it took me a long time before I said to him, "You're a real man!"
He shed tears.
I patted him on the shoulder again and said, "She loves you. She just doesn't want to be a burden to you anymore, so... Sigh! Sometimes life is just so helpless!"
"But I can't forget her. The thought that her wedding dress wasn't for me makes my heart bleed!"
"It's quite painful... but from another perspective, this is the best outcome for you two..."
"I'd rather she kill me with her own hands than live like this!"
"I advise you not to think like that... She definitely wants you to be happier than her."
"It's not going to get better... It'll never get better... I didn't believe it before, but now I do. Incompetence and mediocrity can really kill a person... I can't find any motivation to live anymore."
I said to him, with a cigarette dangling from my lips, "Then hate her fiercely... Hate can also keep you alive!"
He turned to look at me... He was shocked by what I had said.
I added, "Send her a message right now, saying you hate her... and make her suffer even more than you do."
He wept again, saying, "Even if she's suffering more than I am, what can I do?... She still can't come back!"
"Then what's the point of your current suffering? ... You might as well think about something more practical, like how to make yourself stronger; after all, that's the root of your suffering. You should understand better than me that it was your weakness that 'forced' her to make that choice."
He yelled at me, "Do you think she'll come back to me if I become stronger?"
"She won't... So, she's already in your past... Maybe if you try to grit your teeth and take a few more steps forward, you'll discover a better view. You really shouldn't treat this place as your grave..."
At this point, I pointed ahead and said to him, “Look at Erhai Lake. Right now, it’s a dark, gloomy mess, like a monster that could devour you. But you can’t let that make you doubt everything about it. When the sun rises tomorrow, you’ll see a completely different scene. Right here where we’re sitting, after seven o’clock there will be seagulls, white cruise ships, and all sorts of beautiful women coming to board them… If you don’t deliberately think about those painful things, light a cigarette, watch the seagulls, and look at the beautiful women, isn’t that a kind of enjoyment too?… But the premise is that you’re willing to persevere a little longer!”
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