"Your idea is truly mind-blowing!"
"Actually, what I'm trying to say is that I should have a home of my own."
Yang Sisi looked at me and replied, "Looks like you've been bullied quite a bit by this world!"
I squinted and took a deep drag on my cigarette. I didn't know why I suddenly wanted to say these nonsensical things to Yang Sisi, but my longing for a home has never changed. Ever since I got together with Lu Jia, I've wanted a small family that just belongs to the two of us.
Seeing that I didn't speak, Yang Sisi asked me again, "So what kind of home do you hope to have?"
"It doesn't need to be specific, just something that makes me feel fulfilled..." After a slight pause, I added, "Do you know how important a sense of fulfillment is to us humans?"
"I don't understand."
"It's a human instinct, just like the pursuit of basic needs... You ask why men like women with large breasts? To say it's just for visual stimulation is superficial; thinking deeper, it's because they get a sense of fulfillment when they penetrate them. Similarly, why do women like men with large genitals? It's because it gives them a sense of fulfillment... So, the pursuit of fulfillment is something ingrained in human nature."
Yang Sisi blushed slightly and after a long pause said to me, "When the country was eliminating the Four Pests, why didn't they also take care of scoundrels like you?... Is it appropriate for you to say these things to me?"
"Putting aside worldly perspectives, don't you think what I'm saying is quite philosophical?"
Yang Sisi remained unmoved and replied, "Then go find a woman with big breasts to be your girlfriend."
I almost choked on my own cigarette, and then a wave of loneliness and feeling misunderstood washed over me... I suppose it's because I'm living such a confused and unfulfilling life that I said those things. But for me, is the pursuit of fulfillment only about my home or my spouse?
I couldn't figure it out.
After a moment of silence, I asked Yang Sisi again, "And you, how do you understand the concept of 'home'?"
Yang Sisi replied almost without thinking, "When I'm with the person I love, anywhere can be home to me."
I observed her; she didn't seem to be joking. And in that instant, I found myself somewhat moved by her purity and simplicity, because I saw in her what I lacked most.
At the same time, I also saw a contradictory version of myself.
I long for this newly rented apartment to feel like home, but I also worry that this feeling will be defeated by reality and won't last.
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