Three minutes is enough time to smoke a cigarette, sing a song, and for my emotions to go from calm to turbulent. Honestly, after that female singer finished singing "Run Away," I really wanted to go over and have a drink with her, or chat for a bit, but she had already started singing her next song…
It was then that I realized that what everyone was using for amusement was actually her job, and she must not be doing well, otherwise she wouldn't have ended up singing in such a deserted bar... I just wonder, looking back on the grand entrance she made in Dali and then thinking about her current situation, does she really not regret it at all?
At least I can understand her pain from an outsider's perspective. After all, she eloped to Dali with a man, but now she is all alone, singing and talking to herself in this alley.
After "Run Away," she sang about four or five more songs before ending her performance for the night. While she was tidying up her instruments and sheet music, I went into her bar. Although it was a little awkward because we were strangers, I still said to her, "Hi, I was sitting in the bar across the street when you were singing... I think your singing can't be simply judged as good or bad. It's more like... more like you're singing about your feelings, so I'd like to chat with you... If you're not busy, I'll buy you a drink."
She paused for a moment, then replied, "Is this what you call hitting on someone?"
I smiled and said, "No, that doesn't count... I remember everything you said before you sang 'Run Away'... If you're willing to share, I'd like to hear about your experience."
"A writer? He came to Dali to find writing material."
I quickly explained, "No...no, I'm just an ordinary person, doing an ordinary job..."
"Oh, I once met a writer... You meet all sorts of people in a bar."
I smiled. She seemed like a very open woman, not overly wary of me, a stranger, perhaps because I appeared sincere enough.
...
She found a table and sat down. She took a cigarette from my pack, lit it, took a drag, and asked me, "You're drinking alone at a bar. You must have a lot on your mind, right?"
Before hearing you sing, I always thought of myself as a very rational person. After hearing you sing, I started to doubt myself. Maybe it's not rationality, it's cowardice!
"Haha... I don't think I have the ability to change someone's mind."
“You really did it…that’s why I really wanted to talk to you…not to pick up girls, just to have a serious chat for a while.”
"Um."
After a brief silence, I asked, "How should I address you?"
"Just call me Nicole."
"Then Nicole... can you tell me about yourself?"
Nicole glanced at me, then took another deep drag on her cigarette. I realized that she wasn't usually one to confide in others, but today was different…
She finally smiled and said, "Two years ago today, he and I came to Dali... Last year during the Spring Festival, he left Dali... I don't know why I sang that song just now, maybe it was because I was unwilling to accept it... I couldn't believe that someone who eloped with me to Dali would leave just like that in the end... But that's the truth!"
"If I may ask, why did you elope?"
Nicole's face showed a look of reminiscence, but after a moment she still smiled and said to me, "He and I are both from a small county in Jiangsu. Before we came to Dali, we were already engaged... In other people's eyes, we were a good match... His father is a painter, and my father is the president of the court."
At this point, Nicole's smile froze on her face. She then continued, "Four years ago, his father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. To pay for his treatment, he first spent all his savings and then sold the family house. But it was an incurable disease, so a year before we were supposed to get married, his father passed away… My family is quite pragmatic. They felt that since he didn't even own a house, we would have to rent after marriage and would be burdened with so much debt. They thought I wouldn't be able to make it work… so they wanted to break off the engagement…"
She paused briefly, then continued, "Heh... What is a marriage contract?... A marriage contract is the most sacred promise in the world. In my heart, he was the one I was meant to spend my life with... From then on, I worked during the day and sang at a bar in the county town at night... It took a year, and we finally paid off all our debts together... I thought we could get married, but the obstacles in reality kept increasing... My parents started 'forcing' me to go on blind dates with other men and threatened me with their parenting love to make a choice... I felt so depressed and disgusted by this choice... I had no choice but to leave the county town where I had lived for over ten years and escape to Dali with him... Like most people who haven't been here, I considered this place the last pure land in my life, but I never imagined that I wouldn't lose him in the county town where I was born and raised, but here..."
Nicole's experience has left me feeling very heavy-hearted.
She finished a can of beer, then asked me with a self-deprecating smile, "Isn't it ironic?"
"If I tell you the truth, you'll be even more upset."
"How much more painful can it be?... The hardest days are over."
I lit a cigarette, trying to lighten my mood. When I was almost halfway through, I said to her, "You've given him everything you could, why did he leave you?"
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