After Taozi told me about the past involving Wang Lei and Lu Jia, I was in a daze. I thought about many possibilities, but none of them were as efficient as asking Lu Jia directly. I gradually became restless...
But the next moment, I asked myself again, even if there is such a thing as the truth, now that time has passed, is it really worthwhile for me to pursue it?
For me, not only Lu Jia, but even the city of Shanghai, should be completely erased from my memory. What I really need to face is everything I encountered in Dali. I have a new career and new relationships... Compared to those years in Shanghai, I am much happier now. At least I have relieved my financial pressure and have the ability to build a career of my own... And this is probably the stability that many people pursue.
I know that if I recklessly pursue the truth of that day, the first thing that might be destroyed is the stability we have now...
...
Peach snapped me out of my daze and asked, "Michael, how do you plan to handle this?"
I let out a sigh of relief and asked in return, "Do you think that Lu Jia's decision to break up with me was related to Wang Lei?"
"It's not impossible. Actually... I think it's good that you and Lu Jia are together. I'm not saying Ye Zhi is bad, but I'm worried that over time, you won't be able to handle the pressure of being a 'climber'..." After a slight pause, Taozi continued in a low voice, "I understand that feeling. When I worked in nightclubs, I also met sugar daddies. Our relationship was simple enough; I pleased him, and he gave me money... But even so, I had to work hard to maintain this unequal relationship. It was really tiring and made me feel inferior... What about you? You and Ye Zhi are aiming for marriage, to spend your lives together, unlike us hiding in the shadows, just living one day at a time. Your relationship will eventually surface, and people will gossip about you. With your personality, can you really handle that?"
I looked at Taozi and after a long while replied, "I've thought of all of these things, which is why I haven't brought them up before."
"What about Lu Jia? You really have no feelings for Lu Jia at all?"
"Peach, we've known each other for so many years, what kind of person do you think I am?"
“At least you’re not a heartless man… I can see that you have genuine feelings for Lu Jia, and you’ve sacrificed a lot for her over the years.”
Peach's words successfully reminded me of some scenes from when I was with Lu Jia: One winter, she often had to work overtime. No matter how late or how cold it was, I would buy her favorite hot coffee and wait for her downstairs at her company. Actually, the process was really painful, but as long as I thought that I would see her soon, I didn't care about the freezing weather and was full of determination to wait for her.
Every time we meet, the first thing she does is take off her scarf and tie it around my neck, then she calls me "baby" in a very mushy way and asks if I'm cold. If we weren't truly in love, where would we find such sweet little details that make us feel like we're melting?
My nose felt a little sore, and then my heart felt hot... I was confused and couldn't recognize myself. I felt like I was trapped in a whirlpool between new love and old love, and it was difficult to move forward.
Peach then said to me, "Michael, Ye Zhi is the kind of woman every man would like and yearn for, but she really is like a dream... Ask yourself honestly, if one day this dream ends, can you walk away unscathed?"
I shook my head, not out of self-doubt, but because I felt that Peach's words were too directed at me. In my opinion, when it comes to matters of the heart, there is never such a thing as a clean break, unless everyone is really just settling down and there are no real feelings or lingering attachments between them, then they can start and leave gracefully.
After a moment of silence, I finally spoke to Peach, saying, "Once you start weighing things in your heart, things become even more complicated. I'd better calm down first."
"Um."
I looked at Peach and said, "I didn't expect you to advise me to get back together with Lu Jia. I always thought you didn't like Lu Jia very much."
“I’ve never liked Lu Jia as a person, but since I consider you a close friend, I will definitely consider things from your perspective… You and Lu Jia are really a good match. All she needs is your success, and right now you’re on the path she hopes for… But if you’re with Ye Zhi, there are all sorts of things that you can’t handle.”
“I believe that… Lu Jia’s love is more realistic.”
"Whether it's reality or fantasy... as long as she truly loves you, that's enough. Can't you expect a little from someone? Besides, she's a woman from Shanghai."
I smiled and asked, "What's wrong with women in Shanghai?"
"Smart!"
"That's not necessarily true..."
Peach thought for a moment, then pointed at me and laughed, "Sisi!... She's really an exception, so carefree and doesn't care about anything!"
The tense and oppressive atmosphere was inexplicably relieved when we talked about Yang Sisi, and after smoking another cigarette, I ended my chat with Taozi... I felt that it was the right choice to calm myself down first, and the truth could wait... or, let the so-called truth drift away with the wind, and accept my current life and the people around me with peace of mind.
...
Wandering alone on Foreigners' Street, I walked from Foreigners' Street to Yeyu Road. It was almost 11 o'clock before I started walking towards "Jiulongju". At this time, I finally made up my mind. I wanted to talk to Lu Jia again... I didn't want to ask anything else, just what she and Wang Lei talked about when they met that day, and whether their conversation really led to our breakup as Taozi guessed.
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