The cigarette burned between Yang Sisi's fingers. She wasn't yet capable of enjoying smoking, so she would frown with each puff. Suddenly, she choked, and when she recovered, she looked at me with teary eyes and cursed, "You actually like such garbage? I really don't know what you're thinking!"
"Most men like it."
"That's why there are so many smelly men... Don't you think the smell of cigarettes is really awful?"
"The smelly one is from a blend of tobaccos; the flue-cured tobacco you're smoking doesn't smell bad."
What is a blended cigarette?
"Brands like Marlboro and Zhongnanhai are better left untouched; once you start smoking them, you'll smell like stinky feet."
After I finished speaking, I looked at Yang Sisi. I never expected that I, who have been particularly irritable lately, could calmly talk to Yang Sisi about the different types of cigarettes. Even in the past, if she had talked to me about these kinds of "nonsense" things, I would have been impatient.
“Michael, do you remember that night when you were by Erhai Lake chatting with a woman about everything from cigarettes to stinky feet? ... It sounds a bit vulgar, but I really liked that feeling... How should I put it? It was like two people who could talk about anything, passing the time together, and whatever was happening outside had nothing to do with us.”
I smiled, took out a cigarette, and lit it.
Yang Sisi looked down at the half-smoked cigarette in her hand, then threw it away and replaced it with a piece of chewing gum, which she chewed absentmindedly...
I wanted to sit a little longer, but my fifteen minutes were up, and I had to go back to "Jiulongju" to deal with the temporary inn where a bunch of things had been left unresolved.
I said to Yang Sisi, "Do you want me to take you back to Cao Xiaobei's place?"
Yang Sisi retorted, "You think I'm living with him?"
“I didn’t mean that. I think he must have found you a place to stay... after all, his family owns so many houses in Dali.”
"If I had a gun right now, I'd want to kill you."
"You probably don't know how terrifying the law can be!"
Why are you this kind of person?
"What did I do now?"
"You don't ask me why I wanted to kill you, but instead bring up the law with me. Don't you know that there is a sequence between killing and the law?"
I took a drag of my cigarette, squinted, and said, "Then tell me, why do you want to kill me?"
After a moment of contemplation, Yang Sisi replied, "Because you made me despise myself... I don't know why I foolishly ran back to Dali. I feel like I've become an incredibly stupid woman... like a moth drawn to a flame... This feeling is awful, but I can't control myself..."
Yang Sisi seemed to have only said half of what she wanted to say before she lowered her head.
After a long while, she said softly, "Actually, sometimes you're quite good to me... I guess that's just how you are. You have a sharp tongue, but you always have other people in your heart and are willing to think about others. But sometimes, I wish you could be a little selfish, so that the people around you can understand you more clearly... At least I don't want you to be a philanthropist... because I'm very selfish, and I only want you to be good to me."
I replied, "Honestly, I don't know what you're trying to say."
"I don't like Cao Xiaobei, but you 'forced' me to... Tell me, to do something so immature, I'm just a stupid woman."
My heart tightened, but I pretended to be calm and said, "You're not stupid, you're just a little indecisive."
"Hehe, is that so... If I were really an indecisive woman, why haven't I had any romantic experience before? I'm at the age where I should be dating."
"You want me to take the blame?"
"I wouldn't dare... I just have some complaints in my heart that I have to get off my chest."
I took another deep drag of my cigarette and replied, "You sound much more mature when you talk to me like that."
Yang Sisi was silent for a moment, then said to me in a very disjointed way, "I really want to stay abroad and never come back... that way I won't have to see you and Cao Xiaobei anymore, neither of you are good people."
"How come Cao Xiaobei isn't a good person either?"
Yang Sisi cried...
"Did he bully you...? If he really did, tell me and I'll go and kill him."
"No one in this world can bully me."
"So what's wrong with you?"
Yang Sisi sobbed, “Everything he did makes me feel like I owe him so much… Anyone who puts me under psychological pressure is no good.”
I sighed, "After all this time, he's still just a child... He likes you, so isn't it only natural for him to be good to you?"
"If I put myself in your shoes, what did I do wrong? I just wanted to be good to you... but you never appreciate it and treat me like a burden. Am I that worthless?... Sometimes, I wonder if things would be different if I hadn't met Ye Zhi on the highway that day?... This question has really troubled me for a long time; it wasn't until these last two days that I realized that when I started thinking like this, I had already lost completely."
I remain silent.
Yang Sisi said in a low voice, "Forget it, what's the point of saying so much if it only makes me look like a complaining woman? ... If your inn is really busy, I'll come and help you take care of it for a few days. Don't feel uncomfortable about it, just think of it as friends helping each other out... Anyway, I won't stay in Dali forever, and I don't know when I'll be back next time. This is all I can do to help you."
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