When I got home, my two aunts and uncles had already left, making the house much quieter. But Old Mi, sitting on the sofa smoking, looked very downcast. Seeing me return, he said, "Have your mother heat up the food, and you can eat some more."
I put the key on the shoe cabinet by the door and replied, "I'm not hungry. You guys tidy up and go to bed early too."
"No rush... Come here, let's chat for a bit."
I sat down in a chair opposite Lao Mi, and Lao Mi spoke again: "Today's incident was quite ugly. I wonder if Xiao Ye has any thoughts about it?"
"It's alright, she's not the kind of petty girl."
Old Mi felt a little guilty. He said, "It's my fault. I shouldn't have let your two aunts come over for dinner."
"Let's not talk about this anymore... By the way, Xiao Ye is coming over for lunch tomorrow, then I'll head back to Shanghai first."
Why are you in such a hurry to leave?
"She has a lot on her plate... It's already quite an achievement that she can squeeze out this little bit of time."
Old Mi understood. He sighed softly and said, "This is a mismatch between the two of you. You'll both suffer in the future."
I smiled and asked again, "Dad, do you think it's a good thing or a bad thing that we're together?"
"There's no good or bad in this matter; it just depends on whether you're comfortable or not... I want to ask you, what are your thoughts right now?"
"Keep it simple, don't worry about what she has or what you lack... Just take it easy. Anyway, in this society, we're not the only couple where the woman is stronger than the man. We'll always find a way to get along... Besides, I won't stay in this state forever. Maybe one day I'll make something of myself."
Old Mi remained silent.
I took advantage of the silence to light a cigarette. When I had almost finished half of it, Old Mi finally spoke up: "Your mother and I don't want to interfere too much in your relationships, so whether it's Lu Jia or Xiao Ye, as long as you two get along, that's fine... But you also need to feel a sense of urgency, after all, you're getting on in years, so if you can settle down, the sooner the better... We don't have any high expectations for you, as long as you can support your own family in the future, that's enough... Your mother and I don't need you to worry about us, we don't have many expenses, my retirement pension is enough to live on."
"Over the years, you have never caused me any worry... On the contrary, I have done a bad job and failed to do the right thing at the right time."
"What's past is past... Keep going from now on."
"It's done."
Old Mi got up, patted my shoulder, and told me to go to bed early. He then took the leftover food from the table to the kitchen and cleaned it up with my mom.
Watching their aged backs, I took a deep drag on my cigarette, then lowered my head in shame... because I didn't have much confidence in myself, and as for my marriage with Ye Zhi, it was still uncertain.
...
Lying in bed, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep, but I didn't want to contact anyone. I would stare at the ceiling for a while, then stare blankly at the dog-head pattern on the curtains. When I came to my senses, I had no idea what I was thinking during that time. And the night was wasted in this meaningless way.
I don't know how long this went on, but Nicole sent me a voice message. She said, "Chen Jin just came and borrowed an electric scooter from me, saying he found a job delivering food... What's wrong with him?"
"Things at Jiulongju aren't going well, so he said he needs to find a job first to manage his living expenses... He's quick on the uptake! He called me this afternoon to talk about it, and now he's already getting started!"
"He said Tina helped him get the job. There happened to be a Chaozhou-style porridge shop in the old town that needed a delivery person."
"If he feels he has to do it this way, then let him do it."
"What about Jiulongju?"
“I’ll handle the negotiations myself… I’m definitely not going to give up just because I encounter trouble.”
"Are you saying that you have feelings towards Chen Jin?"
"No... I bear a large part of the responsibility for the failure of Jiulongju. I let him down."
"I think he doesn't really want to deliver food; he just wants to put more pressure on you... He's also quite anxious. After all, he came all the way from Shanghai to Dali hoping to get things done, but now he's stuck and can't move forward."
“I understand his feelings, but even if he puts pressure on me, what can I do? ... I can't really go to Ye Zhi and ask her to agree to Cao Jinbo taking 30% of the profits from the Cangshan Villa project, can I?”
"Since you've hit a dead end, why don't you switch to another project? Someone like you, are you afraid you can't make money in Dali?"
“I don’t want to give up… Think about it, there are about 200 shops in the entire Jiulongju area. If we can really make this street popular, even if each shop only earns 20,000, that’s still 4 million in profit flowing into our studio’s pocket… Really, there’s no other project that can compare to the return on investment of this project; and right now I really don’t have that much money to invest in another project that can make money steadily.”
"Your appetite is too big now... I really worry about you, you'll have to worry so much!"
"I have a big appetite?"
"Anyway, I feel like you've changed... Is it because Ye Zhi is putting too much pressure on you?"
I was stunned, and then I thought back on my feelings after spending time with Ye Zhi... I seemed to have become even hungrier and less likely to be happy... I was especially afraid that I couldn't keep up with the pace of my relationship with Ye Zhi.
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