When I got back to my place, Yang Sisi had already packed my luggage. She was sitting on the sofa near my bed, drinking water. When she saw me, she said, "I put your luggage in the cabinet by the window. Everything you need is there. You can take it and leave tomorrow morning."
"Thanks."
"Don't say thank you to me... I don't like it when you treat me like an outsider."
I looked at her, unsure of how to express myself.
She then said to me, "Even when I bully you, you're not allowed to hate me... because I know when to be kind to you and when to be mean to you... so I will never rub salt into your wounds, nor will I stand by and watch them bleed without doing anything..."
"I know."
Yang Sisi was unusually silent for a moment before saying, "Let's go for a drink tonight... I know a new bar that opened near Erhai Lake, and you can see the lake from the first floor... I think that might make things easier for you."
"No need to go to a bar, just sit by Erhai Lake for a while."
...
In my memory, it had been a long time since I had been to Erhai Lake. I just wanted to come alone and have some peace and quiet, but Yang Sisi still came with me. It seemed like she had something to say to me.
The waves roared in the wind, one after another, and before long, Yang Sisi and I had completely soaked our trouser legs.
I finally spoke to Yang Sisi and said, "Let's drive to Kunming later, I'm afraid we won't make it tomorrow morning."
"If you're not afraid of getting tired, I'll come with you... but I'll have to drive, you definitely haven't been sleeping well these past few days."
"Okay, you drive."
Yang Sisi hugged her knees, stared at Erhai Lake for a while, and then asked me softly, "Michael, if you were on that yacht, you would have risked your life to save her, right?"
"Yes, it's just a pity I didn't have that opportunity."
Do you really love her?
"There was love and hate... But now, the so-called hate is no longer important... I just hope she can live peacefully, even if it means paying the price of never having met her in this lifetime, I think it's worth it... I often feel that if I hadn't appeared in her world, she might have lived more like herself."
“Yes…the fate between people is really strange…if her tire hadn’t blown out, you probably wouldn’t have appeared in her world.”
My heart ached.
"Michael... if one day something happens to me... will you be as sad as you are now?"
I turned to look at Yang Sisi, reluctant to imagine such a scene. I replied, "Don't talk nonsense... You must live well... I must live well too."
“But we will all die eventually… sooner or later… I’m particularly pessimistic right now because we really don’t know whether tomorrow or an accident will come first.” She paused for a moment, then continued, “Look at it from another perspective… maybe death is a kind of relief… I’ve experienced that feeling, also in the sea… after a feeling of suffocation and fear, it suddenly becomes very warm, like a beam of light is guiding you… filling you with curiosity about another world… it’s like an illusion, but you still feel that something is right beside you, within reach… I’m not lying to you, that really is that feeling.”
I believe Yang Sisi's words because before coming to Dali, she had indeed done something that put her life on the line... so she would have a deeper understanding of death than I do.
I nodded and replied, "Maybe this is what death feels like."
"Yes, it's not as painful as you imagine, not even as painful as the pain of living... I'm saying this just to advise you that if the final outcome is really bad, you shouldn't be so sad, because death is inevitable... If you're not happy, what's the point of living for decades longer? It's just enduring more suffering!"
I didn't say anything more, and neither did Yang Sisi. We sat there by Erhai Lake for a full two hours... And I still couldn't bring myself to do the worst. I hoped a miracle would happen to Ye Zhi... I wanted her to know that even if she chose to give up on me, I no longer hated her... As long as she lived well, I could hide in a corner where she couldn't see me and silently bless her, and I wouldn't be jealous of the man who would be with her in the future... Everything began silently and ended silently.
...
That night, Yang Sisi and I drove to Kunming ahead of time, and the next day we boarded a flight to Phuket at Kunming Changshui Airport on time. It wasn't until I embarked on this journey that I truly appreciated having Yang Sisi by my side. I didn't even know how to fill out the departure card because my English is really terrible.
After I got off the plane, Yang Sisi was the one who asked me for directions. She could communicate fluently with the airport staff in English and successfully booked a hotel on the island. She also helped me get in touch with the search and rescue team.
The search and rescue operation is still ongoing, and the search and rescue team has stated that their efforts will not cease until the person is found... but the situation is already very dire.
...
That night, I stood alone on the hotel balcony, gazing at the lights dotting the seaside... I hoped that one of them was lit for Ye Zhi, like a guide, guiding her to return to the mainland.
Even if there's only a sliver of hope, I will stay here and wait for her safe return.
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