Jian Zihan's words left me with mixed feelings. I was clearly older than Ye Zhi, but when we were together, I became the one who was immature. I had unknowingly put her in such a difficult position and put her under so much pressure!
I closed my eyes and after a moment said, "Why would she rather tell you, her friend, these things than tell me?"
"She probably hopes you'll hate her... so you won't be too attached to this relationship."
"If she wants me to hate her... then why did you meet with me and then relay these words to me?"
Jian Zihan glanced at me, then gripped the railing of the observation deck again, gazing towards the sea... while I patiently waited for her answer.
She finally spoke to me, saying, "Her fate is unknown now, and I don't want you to forget her too quickly... You must remember her kindness and her hardships... You must wait for her... Believe that she is still alive... Not just you, we all must believe that she is still alive... We even had a meal together before she came to Thailand, how could she just be gone like that?"
As she spoke, I kept looking at her. Her hands were gripping the railing tightly, and her inner pain was palpable... My pain was only greater than hers, so for a long time afterward, we didn't speak to each other again...
But the quieter it was, the more he noticed the roaring waves, and then he remembered that Ye Zhi had met with an accident in this vast ocean, and his pain intensified.
...
I don't know exactly how much time passed before Jian Zihan turned around to face me again and asked, "How long do you plan to stay in Thailand?"
"There's no set timeframe; I hope to wait here until she comes back."
"I can tell you're a very sentimental man..."
I didn't say anything, just silently lit a cigarette. I was conflicted; I wanted to know more about Ye Zhi from this woman, but I was also afraid to hear it...
Jian Zihan sighed and sat down on the bench closest to her. She seemed to be talking to herself: "What kind of creatures are women, anyway?... When they're shrewd, no one can outsmart them; when they're stupid, they're incredibly stupid... I've met more than one woman like Ye Zhi... I have a cousin whose mother is a high-ranking official and whose father owns a huge advertising company in Shanghai... Everyone would envy such a family background, but she just happened to fall in love with a good-for-nothing scoundrel... Later, she even eloped with him to Suzhou... That scoundrel must have been moved, right? But during the years she studied abroad, that scoundrel started seeing other women... Even so, after my cousin returned to China, she still wholeheartedly helped that scoundrel develop his career... But that scoundrel was truly ungrateful and never changed his mind... Haha, isn't she incredibly foolish? Thinking they could live and die together... But everything can't withstand waiting... During the years she was abroad, that scoundrel waited and waited, and then his heart changed..."
I looked at Jian Zihan, wondering what she was trying to say, or if she was just expressing her feelings. I was definitely not the same as the little rascal she was talking about, because even if I waited, it was always others who would give up on me; I had never given up on anyone.
In my silence, she said again, "I will wait here as well, unless I see no hope at all..."
...
After leaving Jian Zihan's place, I was in a daze the whole way. In that daze, I even forgot how to get back to the hotel. I couldn't communicate with the local taxi drivers, so I could only call Yang Sisi and ask her to come and pick me up.
Yang Sisi asked me to find a storefront as a reference point, take a picture, and send it to her. This method was quite useful, and she found me by taxi in no time.
I didn't want to go back too early and confine myself to the house, so Yang Sisi and I walked on the beach...
Ten minutes later, Yang Sisi pointed ahead and said to me, "That's our hotel. Do you want to go back, or do you want to stay outside for a while?"
I looked up, took off my shirt, and handed it to Yang Sisi. Then I plunged into the churning sea... I wished this vast ocean was just a simple container, so I could throw all my worries and pain into it... I also hoped that Ye Zhi and I could meet in this container in a special way. I believed that every drop of seawater that touched me would bear her mark, because seawater is flowing, one drop embedded in another, infinitely merging.
I really want to see her, even if she only appears in my imagination, it would be a comfort.
...
About twenty minutes later, I got ashore. Yang Sisi was sitting on the beach, watching over my clothes while gazing at a small island nestled in the sea with her chin in her hand…
When she saw me come up, she handed me the clothes. I didn't put them on. I sat down next to her with my upper body bare, facing the constantly blowing sea breeze. Then she took out a cigarette from her pocket and lit it.
"There's a restaurant nearby, would you like something to eat? I'll go buy it for you."
I shook my head and replied, "I have no appetite... Could you contact the search and rescue team for me tomorrow morning? I'd like to participate in the rescue as well."
"They probably won't agree... If something happens to you, it could cause a diplomatic incident... Let's just stay at the hotel and wait... If you also participate in the rescue, they'll have to divert their energy to ensure your safety, which will actually reduce their efficiency."
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