After standing there for a while, Yang Sisi sat back down on the sofa. She looked very depressed and didn't say a word, perhaps already beginning to accept the reality... After what seemed like an eternity, she finally smiled and said to me, "I used to say you were poor, that you didn't feel secure... Now, suddenly I'm just like you... No, I'm nowhere near as good as you. At least you can earn your own money and support yourself, but what can I do?... I've always lived off my dad..."
She paused here, tears welling up in her eyes. After a moment, she choked out, "My dad is such a proud and arrogant man, he must be feeling incredibly frustrated right now... I'm such a disappointment, my first thought wasn't about his feelings, but about how I'd be miserable... I'm such a spoiled brat, I don't know how to share their burdens at all... Not only do I not share their burdens, but I've also caused them so much trouble, always making them worry about me... I'm such a jerk... such a jerk!"
Yang Sisi covered her face with her hands and then burst into tears. After crying for a while, she seemed to have lost her soul and remained in a daze for a long time...
My Adam's apple bobbed as I finally spoke to her, "When you live in this world, you'll always encounter setbacks, but setbacks aren't scary. First, you have to be strong so you can have a good mental outlook and give your dad the courage to face setbacks... Besides, I don't think you're the kind of girl who can't live a simple life... I remember when you first came to Dali, you set up a street stall. Even if things get tough in the future, it won't be worse than that, right?"
“It’s different, really different… Back then, I set up a street stall because I had confidence, it was like playing around, because if I wanted to, I could go back to my old life… But now?”
Are you really afraid of living an ordinary life?
Yang Sisi looked up at me, and after a long while, she replied in a low voice, "I'm not afraid of living an ordinary life. I'm afraid of not having confidence in myself and feeling useless... I have no idea how to be independent in the future... All I know is how to spend money."
"It's normal for you to be afraid right now... Everything takes time to adjust to. Once you truly accept this fact, you'll strive to live your life to the fullest... At the very least, you know how to reflect on yourself, and reflection can be a form of motivation..."
After a brief silence, I continued, "I'm not very good at comforting people, but you should understand what I mean. You're different from other girls. I feel there's a certain strength within you, and it's this strength that makes you very measured, knowing when and what to do... Of course, you can feel lost or even panicked right now, because that's a normal reaction, but in the future..."
This time, Yang Sisi interrupted me and said, "You don't need to repeat the same thing several times to comfort me... I know what I should do. I'm going to pack my bags now. I'm going abroad to be with my dad."
I nodded, finally feeling a little relieved, and then lit another cigarette for myself.
I had just taken a puff when Yang Sisi seemed to remember something and said to me, "What will you do if I leave?"
I looked at her, feeling a mix of emotions. Even at this point, she was still thinking about my future!
Yang Sisi stopped and then said to me, her voice choked with emotion, "Michael, I really can't stay in Dali to look after you this time... You have to take good care of yourself. If you're feeling down, you can talk to Coach Ma, but you absolutely mustn't think about becoming a monk... Even if you can disregard the feelings of us friends, you have to consider your parents. You're their only son. If you really become a monk, they'll be more heartbroken than anyone else because you'll leave them with no one to rely on in their old age."
"Yes, we're all fine..."
"And the business at Jiulongju, don't always let Chen Jin handle it all by himself... He may not say anything, but over time, he'll definitely start to have his complaints..."
After a brief pause, Yang Sisi asked me again, "Do you know what's most attractive about you?"
I countered, "Why are you suddenly bringing this up?"
Yang Sisi wiped away the tears that had just left on her face and replied, "I used to think you weren't good enough for Ye Zhi, after all, she's so beautiful and comes from such a good family... But since her accident and you went to Thailand, I don't think that way anymore... You really are a very loyal and righteous man. It seems like anyone could give up on you, but you're always the one who perseveres to the end... That's the kind of security that women crave most, especially women like Ye Zhi and me. We've always come from well-off families, but our parents are busy with their own businesses, and we always feel like we have no one by our side. So, many times, we feel more lonely than others, and we also feel like our parents have abandoned us... I don't know how to express it, but I just hope you can keep the shining qualities you have, whether it's towards your lover or your friends... You're really too颓废 (颓废 is a difficult word to translate directly, but it implies a state of being listless, dispirited, and lacking motivation) right now. If this continues, people will be disappointed in you!"
I smiled and said, "You've expressed everything I was thinking but didn't say... You should do the same. Keep your strengths and try to get out of the shadows as soon as possible."
Yang Sisi nodded, then smiled through her tears...
I felt a little sorry for her and suddenly wanted to hug her, but after staring at her for a long time, I couldn't bring myself to do it. After she went into the room to pack her clothes, I put out my cigarette and lit one for myself.
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