The moment I asked the delivery guy to let me see the photo frame, I regretted it... It was a dream I'd conjured up, a dream brimming with anticipation and longing. If I chose to shatter it now, where would my anticipation and longing find a place? ...I know she's just a woman whose back view is very similar to Ye Zhi's, and I'm a man living on fantasy within that back view. So why do I have to see her face and prove she's not Ye Zhi?
I looked at the reluctant deliveryman, smiled again, and said, "I know you guys work against the clock, but if you're busy, then forget it."
The woman's landlord chimed in, saying to me, "Don't look at that photo anymore. It's a senior classmate of hers, not her... Tell me, what's the name of your friend you can't reach? I have the address and contact information she gave me. Let's compare them and we'll figure it out."
I've always felt conflicted when I look at that figure from behind. Sometimes I really want to know the answer, but other times I'm afraid that my own curiosity will shatter the illusion I've painstakingly woven. And right now, I'm most conflicted because an external force has intervened.
The landlord is waiting for my answer.
The delivery guy wasn't in a hurry to get back to work. It was as if two people with particularly dull lives insisted on listening to a story from me to make this evening less ordinary. But facing these two strangers, I didn't know how to start a conversation.
Finally, I smiled and said to the landlord, "Please don't be angry, but I know that the woman who stayed here isn't the one I'm looking for at all... They just look very similar from behind... I really want to see my friend, so for a while, before you moved out, I would come over whenever I had a spare moment, just to see her back... How should I put it?... It's like someone who's in utter despair, but is still alive because they still have a sliver of hope... I've taken that back view as my hope... It can't be broken!"
"Bro, you're not making this up, are you? With information so readily available these days, is there anyone you can't find? Unless, of course she's deliberately avoiding you, but if she is, why are you making things difficult for her?"
My heart sank. I instinctively reached into my cigarette case, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and then replied in a low voice, "She was my girlfriend. Two months ago, she was in a boat accident in Phuket, Thailand... She's not coming back. I know."
The landlord looked sympathetic and didn't know what to say to me for a moment.
It's really unpleasant to expose your wounds to others, so after saying that, I turned and left.
"Brother, don't rush off, let me say a few words."
I stopped and looked at him.
The landlord walked up to me and, unexpectedly, asked, "Is your girlfriend named Ye Zhi?"
My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my throat. He wouldn't know Ye Zhi's name for no reason. Perhaps the miracle was just a matter of his words.
The landlord seemed to read my mind. After a moment's hesitation, he said to me, "I have a friend who works as a supervisor on the Cangshan Villa project. The project was later taken over by Shanghai's Binjiang Group. Your girlfriend is the youngest person in charge at Binjiang Group. That's how I learned her name is Ye Zhi..."
After pausing briefly, he continued, "Binjiang Group has invested in two major projects in Dali, creating many jobs here and already having a significant influence... So it's impossible for the news not to spread that their manager had an accident in Thailand."
This explanation made my heart sink even further... I wanted to speak several times, but this feeling of utter disappointment extinguished my words. I knew that I would not get the answer I wanted from him, so saying anything more would be futile.
The landlord patted me on the shoulder first, then shook his head and said, "Brother, I know you're a sentimental person... but... uh... I still have to tell you... my tenant and she aren't..."
I interrupted, "Stop talking... leave some room for imagination."
"Even if I leave you with these thoughts... what's the use?... Brother, be brave. The longer you hold onto these thoughts, the harder it will be for you to move on... You can't live like this forever, can you?"
I remained silent. I was unwilling to let everything I had painstakingly imagined be shattered by a stranger. It was his words that brought me utter destruction... I will never find another back view so similar again.
The landlord then said to me, "If you're not busy, let's take a walk on Renmin Road. I'll take you to meet someone who might give you some inspiration."
...
I don't know what my feelings were when I went to Renmin Road with this landlord I was meeting for the first time. All I know is that he wanted to help me... In Dali, there are many kind-hearted people like him. Sometimes they can really help, and sometimes they're just there because they're bored.
Standing amidst the bustling crowd, he pointed to a beggar sitting in the middle of the road and said to me, "Have you ever noticed him before?... He's not just any ordinary homeless person; many locals in Dali know him."
I looked in the direction he was pointing and seemed to recognize the beggar. To be precise, he wasn't a beggar, because he never reached out to ask for alms. Another thing that clearly distinguished him from other beggars was that he was accompanied by many stray dogs, which he must have adopted. If someone gave him some food, he would eat it himself and share it with the dogs. If someone gave him money, he would neatly fold it and hold it in his hand.
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