After I told Yang Sisi about my promise with Lu Jia, she finally looked away from me. She hugged her knees again, letting the sea breeze tousle her hair. She laughed self-deprecatingly before speaking to me, "If your life were a movie, I probably wouldn't even be a supporting character... Thinking about it, it's really infuriating. We've been together the longest... Why am I the one who feels the least noticeable? The most ridiculous thing is that I'm usually quite the scene-stealer in real life, but with you, I'm truly invisible..."
Don't say that.
"Michael, before you and Lu Jia made this decision... did you even think of me?... Even for a second... did you think of me?"
"I don't want to answer this question... but during my time in Jimo, I will often think of you."
"Then what?"
"I thought you had a boyfriend after all this time... I thought you had one after all this time."
Yang Sisi laughed through her tears: "How little do you know me to have such an absurd idea... If I were really a woman who could fall in love with someone so easily, I wouldn't have left that postcard in your bag when you left Dali... You know what? You always think Ye Zhi is a worry for you... But for me, you're a worry for me too... No, more than a worry for me... I really feel so helpless. Sometimes you're sitting right next to me, but I feel like you're the furthest away from me... Is it because I'm young and not as mature as them that you're taking advantage of me like this?"
I sighed, not knowing how to explain it to her.
My silence only fueled her anger, and she said to me again, her voice trembling with rage: "Back then, you thought I was a rich girl and that you weren't good enough for me... But what about now? You're a successful person now, and my dad's comeback is largely thanks to you... What excuse do you have now?... I can tell you with absolute certainty that if you want to marry me, my parents won't object in the slightest... They won't even ask for a dowry, let alone a house... because your contributions to my family are far more meaningful than any of that... They've seen your character in this whole affair, and they really, really admire you... But... you don't love me at all..."
Yang Sisi tried her best to hold back her tears, but her lips trembled incessantly, and tears had already stuck to the hair at her temples. When the sea breeze blew, it was a heartbreaking sight.
At this moment, I couldn't help but ask myself: Why is the person I'm about to marry Lu Jia, and not her?
There is no answer, just like no one is foolish enough to ask which came first, the chicken or the egg... Some things seem to be destined. I cannot win Ye Zhi's love. If I were to ask Ye Zhi why she treated me this way... she would have no answer either.
Therefore, living in this dazzling world, we are all contradictory beings who have hurt others and are destined to be hurt by others... This is like a natural law, equivalent to life and death, which no one can avoid.
Including Ye Zhi, she hurt me deeply, and one day, she will be hurt by someone else.
...
In the oppressive silence, Yang Sisi spoke again, saying to me, "I shouldn't have been so aggressive. Actually, you're quite pathetic... because your marriage to Lu Jia seems like something you had to do out of necessity. You won't be happy for the rest of your life... You're just repaying a favor, just trying to appease your parents... You're a man who has never lived for himself!"
"Go ahead and be as sharp-tongued as you want!"
"Whether I'm telling the truth or not, you know best in your heart... Heh, think about it, even I dared to let you face Ye Zhi, so why don't you dare?... Could it be that when you think of Ye Zhi, you feel more heartache than I do?"
"Please let me off the hook, I can't argue with you."
This time, Yang Sisi remained silent for a long time before finally speaking to me, "Forget it... after all these years, there's still no result... I won't say anything more... can you help me find a place to stay? I'm going back to Shanghai tomorrow."
“I want to sit a little longer. You can go find it yourself… Walk along the beach, and wherever there are lights, there are hotels and inns.”
"Okay, I won't bother you, I'll go find it myself."
After saying that, Yang Sisi turned and walked towards the light. I didn't look back at her... Just like she said, after all these years, there's still no result between us, let alone on our first night together.
But there's one thing she's wrong about... If my life were a story, she would definitely not be a supporting character, because I have her in my heart, but I can't find a way to like her... This sounds a bit sentimental, but if you've ever had such a similar emotional experience, you'll understand.
I'm terrified of hurting her by handling things improperly, but I don't have that concern with Ye Zhi. Sometimes, I can even say hurtful things to her.
This is probably what a woman is like, a personality.
In my heart, Ye Zhi is strong, so sometimes I'm not too afraid of hurting her, while Yang Sisi is the opposite.
...
Sitting alone by the sea, I felt both incredibly lonely and incredibly clear-headed...
In the time since Yang Sisi left, I haven't thought about anyone else. I've carefully thought through everything memorable from the time we met until now...
There was no particular impulse, but it was very heartwarming. I had long ago defined Yang Sisi as the sun in my heart. Although there are times of rain and sunshine, she is absolutely indispensable.
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