We drove around, stopping and starting, until Yang Sisi and I finally entered a bustling area. She booked a room for me and had dinner with me... Before she went home, we agreed to have dinner with her dad together the next night.
Standing in my hotel room, I looked down at the city once more, but my heart was no longer filled with the same love and hate as before…
I just feel a little empty, but more than that, I feel regret.
I'm in Shanghai, and Ye Zhi is probably there too... but there's no excuse for us to meet. Before this, she was the person I longed for day and night. I was depressed because of her, and I lost my motivation for life because of her.
Now that she's back... what should I do?
I don't have superpowers. I want to forget her, but it's impossible for me to completely forget her in a short time.
Looking back, we didn't actually spend much time together... The longest time was when she and I went back to our small town. We spent more than ten hours on the road in one car. That was the day I felt the most like a boyfriend and girlfriend.
Compared to her current indifference, was she really the same person she was that day? Or, can the person she is now truly be equated with the person she was that day?
A soft sigh, and a dreamlike melancholy spread through my heart, making me even more lost.
...
After standing there for a while, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Not many people know this number. I thought it was Lu Jia, but I forgot that Jian Zihan had also found out this number.
It was Jian Zihan calling.
Last time, I hung up the phone after only saying half of what I wanted to say... I don't need to think about it, she's calling again to talk to me about Ye Zhi.
I didn't answer, nor did I hang up; I just let the phone ring...
As the phone rang, I was reminded of the day she left her plane ticket and departed.
I still keep those plane tickets in my handbag... If I had been able to muster up the courage back then, to hug her, kiss her, and tell her that I couldn't live without her... what would the situation be like now?
Life doesn't offer so many "what ifs." All I know is that I'm currently living in her indifference, and it's causing me immense heartache.
Even if we had the chance to meet, I'm afraid I would become a man with many complaints in front of her, which wouldn't be good. It's better to leave a dashing image in her mind and simply not see her.
Maybe one day I'll become the next little leopard, and after having an epiphany, I'll turn around and leave.
Yes, even Xiao Bao can let go of Yang Sisi, so why can't I let go of Ye Zhi?
...
Jian Zihan is a very persistent woman; after typing it once, she typed it again.
This time, I answered the phone and asked her, "Is there something you need?"
After a moment of silence, Jian Zihan on the other end of the phone replied, "I'm a little worried about you... I've seen everything you've been through over the past year, though others may not know."
I laughed: "Yes, you've seen it all, but what can you do for me? ... Relationships are always a matter between two people, and outsiders can't interfere... To be honest, I'm very sad, but in all my decades of life, has there been anything more painful than this? Like when I heard she had an accident at sea, could there be anything more painful than that? I'm slowly getting through it... I only know that no matter how painful it is, there will always be an end to it... So, I've prepared myself mentally."
"You can't let go of Ye Zhi, whose fate is unknown? Could it be that you can let go of Ye Zhi, who is alive?"
"I won't answer that kind of question... People change, not just Ye Zhi, I change too."
After another moment of silence, Jian Zihan asked, "Where are you right now? I'd like to find some time to come see you."
"Heh... Would you believe me if I said I'm in Shanghai right now?... Why don't you come out now? I was just looking for someone to have a few drinks with."
"Okay...where are you? I'll be right there."
...
I met Jian Zihan at a bar near the hotel that was perfect for chatting. After we sat down, she said to me, "I thought you were joking with me, but I didn't expect you to actually come to Shanghai... Besides Ye Zi, I don't think you have any other reason to come to Shanghai... Before this, we hadn't seen each other for almost a year."
"I didn't come to Shanghai for Ye Zhi."
Jian Zihan smiled and said, "How do you expect me to believe you?"
“If it were for her sake, I would have found a way to see her… The fact that I didn’t do that is the best proof of that.”
After a brief pause, I added, "I will forget her... really!"
“I don’t know if what you’re telling me is the truth or a lie… but now that I’m here to see you, I’m going to tell you the truth. If you want to meet Ye Zhi, I’ll help you find a way… I just think there are some things you should tell her face to face… otherwise, all the time you’ve spent over the past year has been for nothing!”
"I don't want to see her, I really don't!"
After saying that, I picked up the glass, drank the wine in it in one gulp, and then slammed it heavily on the table. It was a mix of heartache and catharsis.
...
In front of Jian Zihan, I drank a bottle of foreign liquor, and after that, she didn't try to persuade me to drink any more...
I find it ridiculous. If Ye Zhi and I are supposed to meet, why would she need to come up with a solution? ... Her words make it sound like I'm begging to see Ye Zhi.
If two people truly love each other, is it necessary to use the word "beg"? Is it really necessary to "force" the other into such a desperate situation? Besides, with the legal system in society now in this state, if Ye Zhi really wants to see me, who can restrict her most basic freedom?
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