"Now you've really given up on me, haven't you?"
I took a drag of my cigarette, squinted at the crowds coming and going on the street, and after a long while nodded. Then I asked Instructor Ma, "Do you think it's true that she was able to come back because her name was written on the merit monument? If that's the case, your temple is quite effective."
Coach Ma laughed: "So, you have to have some reverence for Buddhism... I'll say it again, as long as you believe in Buddhism, I'll be waiting for you at Jizu Mountain, rain or shine."
"You've really gone mad from being a monk... You can't even tell the difference between good and bad words."
"Life and death are the same to us, let alone good or bad words."
I was speechless, and felt even worse inside... I felt like I had lost him as a friend. He wouldn't talk to me like he used to. Actually, I really wanted to hear him talk to me about things in the rock scene, like which singers were truly talented, and which singers had lost their rock spirit and started to pander to popular tastes in order to make money. I also wanted him to throw me a cigarette and invite me to go out for some skewers and drinks.
But he doesn't know how to do any of these things anymore.
...
Damn it, people are so fickle and heartless!
...
Before nightfall, I went to the shore of Erhai Lake again.
I sat alone on that rock, feeding the flock of white seagulls with bread... After the bread was finished, the setting sun began to shatter on the sea.
My mood was also disrupted by this bleak, almost dusky atmosphere.
I took all the plane tickets that Ye Zhi had left behind out of my handbag, glanced at them, and then became a vandal. As I tore the plane tickets to shreds, I also damaged the ecological environment of Erhai Lake.
I know this is wrong, but I am filled with a kind of pleasure after venting.
I think doing this is a way of getting revenge on Ye Zhi for being so heartless to me.
However, when I actually looked at those fragments, I suddenly felt incredibly sad.
But so what?
Ideally, she could come here too, and see these fragments, and see my resolve... I will definitely move on from this relationship and pull myself together.
...
I want to buy the best villa in Dali, drive the best car, and raise the best child to call me Dad... and all of this has nothing to do with this cold-hearted woman!
My happiness is mine alone, and has nothing to do with her!
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