I'm not sure if this is a manifestation of my subconscious, but at this moment I'm in a pretty good mood, so I'm not thinking about those messy emotional things at all.
...
After finishing a can of beer, I changed the subject and said to Nicole, "I've been gone for almost a year... How are things between you and Chen Jin?... I know you have feelings for him, otherwise you wouldn't have called me to persuade me to come back because of him."
Nicole looked at him with a disappointed expression and replied, "He can be really loyal when he wants to be, but he can also be really despicable when he wants to be... I still think he and Tina are more suitable. Tina really doesn't hold it against him, even though she knows he's completely rotten in that area!"
"Well, that's not a good thing about him."
"Let him go. It's his own path, he can walk it himself... No one will wait for him here."
I wanted to say something more, but Nicole stopped me and said, "I've been living a very quiet life these past few years, so there's really nothing to talk about... But you are quite a worry!"
"What do I have to worry about?"
"My feelings for Chen Jin are so-so, but your feelings for Ye Zhi are genuine... Can you really get over this hurdle in your heart so easily?"
"You have to get through it whether you like it or not... Think about how hurtful the things she did were. No one would have the nerve to go to her and ask for a worthless result."
Nicole glanced at me, and after a moment of silence, replied, "I still stand by what I said... I hope you think this through very carefully, and don't make a choice you'll regret; you need to give yourself some time, and give her some time too... I'm afraid she's suffering even more than you are!"
I forced a smile and said, "Heh... What's there for her to suffer about!... Do you know she's in Dali? Right now she's surrounded by a bunch of sycophants... She has a dinner party and a card game tonight... Where do you see her suffering?"
After I finished speaking, I lit a cigarette, and then the scene of her, Cao Jinbo, and their other supporters eating and playing cards came to mind.
My good mood is gone just like that... I want to go find her, have a huge fight with her, and ask her why she let me down like this... But the moment I thought that, it was already a joke, because I had no self-awareness at all!
...
I felt a bit ashamed of myself. After taking a deep drag of my cigarette, I forced myself not to think about that woman.
Just then, Cao Jinbo called me and extended a very formal invitation to their party... but not in Ye Zhi's name. He told me that anyone with a bit of fame in Dali had been invited... and that I was someone important in his eyes. He told me to cherish this opportunity to expand my network.
This is really something else! Even someone like Cao Jinbo is starting to worry about my network of connections!
Should I go or not?
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