After Chen Jin left, I boiled a kettle of water and sat on the sofa smoking while waiting for it to boil. I didn't think about anything specific until Nicole called me.
After the call connected, she asked me, "Is Chen Jin still with you?"
"No, he just left. Did you need to see him?"
Nicole replied, "There's an industry exchange meeting on Renmin Road tomorrow, attended by elites from the bar industry. I got him an invitation so he can go and learn something."
Why didn't you call him?
"I called, but the phone is already off."
"Well... when I see him later, I'll bring it up for you."
Nicole smiled and replied, "Never mind, you probably won't run into him tonight. He's probably out fooling around again!"
I was surprised that Nicole knew Chen Jin so well, but I couldn't say it out loud. I smiled and replied, "No, that's not true. He drank quite a bit tonight, so he doesn't have the energy to go out and cause trouble. I guess he turned off his phone and went to sleep."
"Come on, you know him better than I do. I'm used to it."
After a brief silence, I replied, "You say those things about him, but you actually care about him a lot... Why can't you give him some real help and change him?... It really can't go on like this!"
"No, Michael, you can't say that. These are two different things."
"Actually, I feel the same way you are trying so hard to bring me and Ye Zhi together... I also really hope you can help him out of his predicament. Who knows if he really likes this kind of life or if he's just doing it to vent his frustrations."
"Is Chen Jin comparable to Ye Zhi? He's truly rotten to the core!"
"So you have to help him even more, otherwise he'll be completely ruined... Only you can help him, you know he likes you a lot."
"I know he likes me, but how can I accept his body?... I'd feel disgusted, really!"
I sighed, and then felt a sense of anger and disappointment towards Chen Jin. In his current state, no woman with even a little bit of spiritual pursuit would accept him.
After a moment of silence, Nicole spoke to me in a low voice, "A person doesn't become like this for no reason. Can you tell me what he went through in Shanghai?"
"He has never told you about his past?"
“I asked him, but he said there was no need to dwell on the past… If he were truly someone who could take his past lightly, would he still be the way he is now?… He hasn’t moved on from the shadows of the past at all.”
After a brief silence, I replied, "You know him quite well... His time in Shanghai was particularly terrible!"
"Tell me about it."
I lit a cigarette and replied, "His ex-girlfriend ruined him terribly. She not only ruined his chance for a promotion at work, but also swindled him out of his down payment for a house."
"Are they colleagues?"
“Yes, we used to work at the same company... I know how devoted and serious Chen Jin was to her; he gave her everything he could. So when this happened, he must have been really hurt! ... He lost not only material things, but also his youth and sincerity... So, after that, he stopped believing in relationships, especially with women, and always had a casual attitude.”
“This is not an excuse. He can also choose to work hard and find the right person. Not all women are like his ex-girlfriend.”
“Who can argue with that… So I’ve been trying to persuade him, and I hope that he has a woman who truly cares for him and can help him get out of this quagmire.”
Nicole sighed, and after a long silence, she replied, "Now I finally understand how you felt when I was advising you... It was contradictory and painful, like wanting to do something but knowing full well that it's impossible... It was a particularly clear-headed feeling, and the clearer you were, the more contradictory you felt!"
Yes, that's right.
"Let's not talk about this anymore. Let's all take care of ourselves."
I responded, and Nicole hung up the phone. It was only then that I started to think about things more concretely. I felt that Chen Jin shouldn't continue like this, and I also felt that I should find a way to get out of this quagmire so that we could all have a better life.
...
I poured Yu Tou a glass of water and placed it on his bedside table before leaving his room and walking alone on the street. For some reason, the wind was particularly cold that night, and even though I was wearing a coat, I couldn't quite ward off the chill.
It wasn't until the rain started that I realized it would definitely be cold, because that's just how Dali is. Even in the sweltering summer, it gets freezing cold as soon as it rains.
I quickened my pace and finally found a roof over which I could take shelter from the rain. My companion was a stray dog that seemed to have been hungry for several days and looked very listless.
I felt genuine sympathy for it, so I braved the rain and went to the food stall across the street to buy some things that suited its taste. I didn't need its gratitude; I just hoped that it would enjoy the food.
I didn't intend to take it in either, because there are just too many stray dogs in the old city. They can't survive on human compassion alone; they have to find their own way to survive. And that's how cruel this world is—a cruelty that transcends even life and death.
...
The rain grew heavier and the air grew colder. Before long, even the busiest Renmin Road was deserted. At first, I felt a little anxious, but gradually I felt myself merging with the "drip, drip" of the rain, as if I were an unexpected raindrop, then shattering on the ground.
It wasn't until I lit a cigarette that I snapped out of that feeling.
I tossed another chicken leg to the dog, then stubbed out my cigarette and prepared to eat the last chicken leg in the bag.
I'm not like a dog; it can only eat what I give it, but I can sprinkle some chili powder on the chicken leg... I also want to experience the pleasure of "it tastes so good," but so what? On this cold, rainy night, apart from having a little more chili powder, my situation is not much different from that of this stray dog.
No, I am not even as good as it, because it still has me to pity it, but what about me?
...
Suddenly, my phone vibrated, pulling me out of this empty and lonely world. The message was from Yang Sisi.
"I want to see you, I really want to, right now... I don't know why, can I come to you?... I hate it when it rains in Shanghai, I can't sleep... I just want to see you!"
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