I was terribly confused, but subconsciously I could still sense how determined Yang Sisi looked at me. She was yearning for an answer, and even after countless heartbreaks, she still refused to let go.
I tilted my head back, took a deep drag on my cigarette, and thought of countless moments we had shared over the years. In that instant, I desperately wanted to hug her. For me, that might be the answer. But what words could I use to express it?
I was particularly confused: Could a man really be hurt by one woman and then quickly seek comfort in another? Or perhaps I really liked Yang Sisi, but because of Ye Zhi's appearance, I had to separate them and firmly believed that I couldn't like two women at the same time.
Yes, I am a traditional man at heart. I always feel that being amorous is a sin, so I deliberately avoid it.
At that moment, I really wanted to call Chen Jin and ask him: how did he manage to love Tina's body while also loving Nicole's soul... Not only that, he could also have casual relationships with countless women at the same time... He always told me that he would definitely enjoy himself while he could in love, but I felt that this was a kind of reckless self-indulgence... But no matter what the outcome, he still managed to do it.
I finally spoke to Yang Sisi and said, "Before I answer you, can you tell me if it's really possible for a person to love two people at the same time?... or even more!"
"I don't know... but love must have varying degrees of depth... like me, maybe I have feelings for Cao Xiaobei, but I've never thought about marrying him... What about you, how do you feel when you're with me?"
I hesitated, wanting to say something but stopping myself.
Yang Sisi then said to me, "Are you particularly afraid of becoming a scumbag?... You clearly love Ye Zhi deeply, so how could you possibly like Yang Sisi?"
"No, I'm not afraid of being labeled a scumbag... I've always been a man who pursues minimalism in love. I reject complicated romantic relationships... I just want to find a woman to live a peaceful life with. I don't pursue being a womanizer, nor do I need to be liked by many people!"
With a hint of melancholy, Yang Sisi smiled and said, "Yes, if you weren't this kind of man, how could I have liked you?... So, people are really contradictory. If you could really love Ye Zhi while also liking me, would I still like someone like you?... I think I'm someone with emotional purity, but I still can't help but want to get an answer from you!"
I wiped my face hard with both hands, and after a long while I replied, "Some things really shouldn't be answered... The answers you get might be against your conscience. The real answers only exist in the relationship between two people, and you should feel them with your heart."
So, if one day I completely disappear from your life, or die... will you be sad?
"It will cause me heart-wrenching pain!"
Yang Sisi looked at me with tears in her eyes, then smiled and said, "It was worth it! ... I believe this is what you truly feel... Whether it's love or not, it at least proves that I'm important to you... No matter who you end up with in the end, you will never forget me."
I remained silent, but a surge of impulse welled up inside me, a desire to tell her the weighty words, "I like you."
I'm not a block of wood. Over the past three years, there have been a few moments of clarity that have allowed me to see my own thoughts clearly... Yes, if it weren't for Ye Zhi, things might have been very different between Yang Sisi and me.
But just as I was about to speak, she smiled and said to me, "Michael, on Ye Zhi's wedding day, will you try to crash the wedding?... If you dare to go, I'll go with you..."
My emotions suddenly vanished. I simply shook my head and gestured to her that I didn't have such an absurd idea.
"Then guess what? When you marry Lu Jia, will Ye Zhi try to steal you away?"
As Yang Sisi spoke, she poured herself a full glass of wine and drank it down in one gulp...
I just stared at her for a long time before replying, "Why do you have so many absurd ideas in your head?"
"Because I've thought about what I'll do on the day you actually get married... I might pretend I don't know, or... I might even crash your wedding... I'll tell Lu Jia that you don't love her... even though you don't love me either... but I don't care... as long as you're not married, you can't kick me out of your world!"
Yang Sisi poured herself another glass of wine and drank it all in one gulp.
That's when I understood why she insisted I drink, and why she drank too.
She just wanted to use this drunkenness to make us say everything we should and shouldn't say... Maybe that way, she would feel like she had no regrets.
We stared at each other, but I didn't respond. I poured her another glass of wine and gestured for her to finish it. I wanted to see what she would say when she was drunk... My feelings were the same as hers; I was also in a state of not avoiding the topic.
This was probably the most unrestrained I've ever been with her, so I dared to listen to whatever she said.
However, her alcohol tolerance was really too low; she only drank three glasses before she became drowsy.
That's good, she's quiet now, and I should go... Although it's hard to get a taxi here, if you're determined to leave, you'll always find a way.
...
I turned on all the lights in the living room and helped Yang Sisi to her bedroom. I took off her shoes and socks for her... Then I looked at her; her quiet demeanor was like a flower bud about to bloom in autumn...
How can flowers bloom in autumn?
This is so precious, so precious that one can't bear to pick it!
I gently touched her cheek and then covered her with a blanket.
I really should go now... Saying goodbye to Shanghai and returning to Dali marks a new beginning.
If there's any regret... it's that I couldn't let her eat the preserved egg and lean pork congee that I brought from Dali.
...
Stepping out of the villa, the early summer in Shanghai still carried a slight chill. I unconsciously lit a cigarette and tucked my collar in... I looked towards the brightest spot and finally decided which direction to go... But the moment I took my first step, in the dim world, I felt a sense of loss, as if I were carrying loneliness and fleeing to the ends of the earth.
Just as I turned around, I saw Yang Sisi with the window open; it turned out she wasn't drunk after all…
The evening breeze tousled her hair, and she called out to me against the wind, "Michael... take me with you... anywhere is fine... you can support me, I'll do your laundry, cook for you, and have your babies!..."
She's drunk. Standing on a villa worth tens of millions, she expects me to support her!
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