After I used the rather hurtful term "petty bourgeois," Lu Jia was very upset. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she asked me, "Michael, you called me a petty bourgeois, then tell me, what kind of woman isn't a petty bourgeois... You must have some standards in your mind, otherwise you wouldn't have said such hurtful things!"
“I’m sorry, I hurt you with my words… I just don’t like…” After a short pause, I continued, “I know money is important, but people can’t live just for money.”
Lu Jia choked back tears as she replied, "We've argued about this so many times... I really didn't expect that money, a necessity for survival, would become the thing that hurts our relationship the most... Maybe you're right, but for me, many times I live for material things... I don't have that kind of high ideals. All I want is for my family to be safe and for me to have enough to eat... I won't harm others, and I can help others, but I will never sacrifice my own quality of life to help others..."
“This is my own money, and I have the right to spend it as I see fit… I won’t interfere with where you spend your money… I think this is the bare minimum of respect.”
"Does this sound like something two people who are about to spend their lives together would say?"
“I don’t think I did anything wrong… If you also insist that you are right… then let’s stop discussing this topic, because we won’t reach a conclusion and it will only hurt our feelings.”
"Okay... then we'll all just bear with it and not say a word."
After saying that, Lu Jia didn't speak again. In silence, she packed her luggage. She didn't leave, still wanting to stay and take care of me, so she took out wet wipes and wiped the dusty table again.
I felt quite uncomfortable. On the one hand, I felt that I shouldn't have spoken like that; on the other hand, I felt that she really didn't understand me.
...
After breakfast, Lu Jia said she was going to the supermarket to buy some daily necessities; after she left, I was left alone in the ward again. I was very anxious and wanted to get out of bed and take a good urination, but I felt powerless to do so.
I called Chen Jin and asked him to come over and make a chicken soup with those two chickens for me... I want to heal my leg as soon as possible; I hate being in this useless state.
...
Chen Jin rushed over in a hurry, and then rushed off again. I wouldn't let him go; I insisted that he stay and chat with me for a while.
It was raining again outside the window. The rain wasn't heavy, but it was enough to dampen one's spirits. I lit a cigarette and squinted at him as I said, "I just had a fight with Lu Jia... about money."
"You didn't ask that guy for compensation... so she's unhappy?"
I shook my head and replied, "That guy just came to see me... and I gave him another 10,000 yuan... I don't know what came over me... I did feel a bit sorry for him... but there was also a bit of resentment towards Lu Jia."
"What's the matter between you and Lu Jia?"
"She
When she came back, she complained that I had squandered all the money I had earned before… She felt that after buying two houses, I should have at least four or five hundred thousand yuan saved up… Why should I have four or five hundred thousand yuan saved up? It's my own money, why can't I spend it?”
Chen Jin frowned and replied after a long pause, "It's really hard for outsiders to comment on this... Maybe what she's bothered by is your current state."
“You’ve hit the nail on the head… If I still had the ability to earn a few million every year, she definitely wouldn’t hold it against me… But Chen Jin, we’re starting a business together, who can guarantee they won’t experience a few lows in their life… She can’t be like this… I really feel incredibly frustrated… I always feel that when I’m making money, she can love me to death… but when I can’t make money, she’ll be even more anxious than me… I’m not lying, the state we were in when we just argued was no different from what we went through before we broke up… Back then, there were endless arguments and endless cold wars… I already have a shadow in my heart… I don’t like this kind of relationship that’s based entirely on money… I find it particularly cheap!”
After a moment of contemplation, Chen Jin replied, "But when she's good to you, she's really good to you... When your father was seriously ill, if it weren't for her helping to manage everything inside and out, we probably wouldn't have been able to earn the money from Jiulongju so easily."
"I know...that's why I'm conflicted!"
"Stop picking on Lu Jia... What about yourself... how much sincerity do you still have for Lu Jia?"
I closed my eyes, took a deep drag on my cigarette, and then fell silent…
"You've changed your mind... Her unease stems from knowing you've changed your mind..."
“I have changed my mind… All that’s left in her is guilt and a sense of responsibility… There’s nothing I’m ashamed to admit.”
"So you're planning to just go along with this mistake?"
"I've thought about it... Maybe this is life, but I'll be unhappy... After we broke up, I gradually realized that the root cause of all the pain we endured was actually our incompatible values... Her world involves too much thinking and weighing."
Do you think she loves you?
"Cute, but not necessarily lovable."
"What are you saying?"
"If one day you meet a woman like this, you will understand... Actually, I know... In the years since the breakup, she must have been living a very painful life... She doesn't know what kind of man I am, or what kind of future I have... Just like I don't have confidence in her... And our relationship was worn away little by little in this guessing game."
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