I was so focused on venting my emotions that I completely disregarded how much force Ye Zhi's bra strap could withstand; the next moment, the sound of it breaking came from my tightly clenched hand... and it also woke me up.
I looked at Ye Zhi and felt really bad, so I tore off the bra strap on her bra. She must have been very uncomfortable.
Just when I thought she would be upset, she took out a tissue from her bag and wiped away the tears that had been welling up in my eyes... Strangely enough, after that one action, I couldn't control myself anymore. I looked at her, and tears streamed down my face.
She gently patted my back and went to the bathroom... When she came out, the broken part of the bra strap had been tied in a knot, so there was a noticeable bulge on her clothes; not only that, her hair, which had been down, was now braided...
As I watched, she made my bed and then tidied up the trash on the bedside table...
When she cleaned out all the cigarette butts from the ashtray, the previously smoky ward became much cleaner.
I was a little dazed. This was probably what she was like as a stay-at-home wife... She hadn't been real to me for too long. Suddenly doing these trivial things, I was filled with mixed feelings.
"...There's a peeled pear here, why aren't you eating it?"
As Ye Zhi spoke, she picked up the pear that Lu Jia had peeled for her before leaving. Because it had been sitting overnight, the pear's surface had turned yellow and it looked very unsightly.
I don't know what to say, but a tragic desolation fills my heart, like a city that has just been ravaged by blood, with cold winds blowing and corpses strewn everywhere... No one wants to turn love into a war, but for Lu Jia and me, it has indeed become so... There are no winners between us, only endless bitterness and disputes.
I finally spoke up and replied to Ye Zhi, "I forgot to eat."
"So, should we throw it away?"
I glanced at the pear again and couldn't help but recall the scenes from yesterday, which still made me very sad... So I said to Ye Zhi, "Let's throw away things that are already broken."
Ye Zhi nodded and threw the pear into the trash can, like an overripe, rotten fruit falling from the tree to the ground and smashing to pieces.
...
Back in my hospital bed, I lay half-reclined, with Ye Zhi sitting beside me. For a moment, neither of us could find a topic to talk about, so we remained silent for quite a while. Finally, I spoke up and asked her, "Weren't you abroad? Why did you come back so soon?"
"I came back to see you."
"I'm fine... it's just that I'm always cooped up in the hospital bed with no one to talk to, and it's a bit uncomfortable."
"Manager Yao told me that you were in a car accident while you were on the phone with him..."
"Yeah, I was in a hurry to deliver the order, and the thing they said on the phone was important, so I did it all at once... Maybe it was just my bad luck. If it had been a second earlier or a second later, I wouldn't have been caught."
"You're just too easily distracted... your mind is always filled with those thoughts."
"With so much to do, you must be very tired, right?"
"Don't talk about me, you're the same... We're all living pretty tiring lives, maybe that's what they call being in the world of martial arts."
Ye Zhi nodded, then stared blankly out the window... I followed her gaze and saw the sunlight filtering through the glass, creating halos on the ground; looking up again, further away, a flock of white doves landed on an old apartment building, and suddenly a van passed by, and they all took flight... After circling in the sky for a while, they finally landed back down.
For me, I really hope that these white doves can bring a little peace to my heart.
I still remember when I first came to Dali, I imagined a life of "a wooden house, a bottle of wine, a person, a dog, and an afternoon" at the foot of Cangshan Mountain and by Erhai Lake... Now, I'm so far removed from that... I've changed. I crave success and want more... Sometimes I inevitably feel tired, but there's no longer any power that can awaken the person I used to be!
After a brief silence, Ye Zhi asked me, "What do you want to eat? I'll go buy it for you."
I want to eat some mangosteens.
"Then wait for me for a while."
As Ye Zhi spoke, she picked up her handbag from the cabinet... Watching her back, I felt a warmth in my heart, but I suddenly forgot whether she treated me as well as she does now when we were dating.
...
Ye Zhi won't be back so soon, because she's a woman who cares a lot about her image. She'll definitely find a place to change out of that bra whose strap I tore...
After waiting for a while, Ye Zhi didn't return, but Zhou Sansan arrived instead.
He was carrying a rather large bag, and not knowing what it was, I asked him, "What are you carrying?"
"A latex pillow, I brought it for you... it will make sleeping more comfortable at night."
I smiled and asked again, "Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?"
"Never mind what I'm like... I just want to ask you, how did you feel being ignored by everyone these past two days?"
"Have you been neglecting me?...How come I didn't know?"
"Stop playing dumb... Don't you miss my fourth brother a lot right now?"
That hothead Zhou San is so impatient. As soon as he asked that question, I understood everything... He wanted me to realize how important Yang Sisi was to me.
Yang Sisi is certainly important, but in this situation, I can't afford to worry about that anymore.
I can't just frantically search for a safe haven right after Lu Jia leaves; that would be irresponsible to everyone... Because some things take a lot of time to figure out... Yang Sisi has never been a substitute for anyone, because her personality is too distinct. Therefore, she can only be Yang Sisi, or Yang Ruhua, or Fourth Brother.
I pressed my temples before replying to Zhou San: "I've known your fourth brother for so long."
She left, and I'm definitely heartbroken... But don't you think it's actually a pretty good outcome? ...She deserves to have her own life, her own joys... What she's doing now is a process of rediscovering herself... You know, living only for love is exhausting... I actually think she's even more charming now that she's let go of the past."
"So what do you mean?"
"When you don't know what to do, going with the flow is the best option... If you were in my situation, you would do the same... Besides, with that energy, why don't we focus on building our careers?... I really hope that when I die, people will remember what I've accomplished in my life, not the romantic entanglements..."
Do you think of yourself as a great person?
"In this lifetime, we may not become great people, but we should still leave something behind in this world... right?"
(End of this chapter)
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