After dinner, Yang Sisi went back to our guesthouse to pack some luggage. Then Ye Zhi and I drove her to the five-star hotel where the training was being conducted. We heard she would be training there for a month, around the time the first batch of guesthouses to reopen were announced in November.
It seems that Bai Lu had her own plans and strategies. Unfortunately, even now, we still can't be sure of our inn's chances of success. And this is the root of my recent anxiety; in my life, I've never done anything that involved taking a huge gamble, and this is the only one.
...
Back at the inn, it suddenly felt even more deserted, perhaps because Yang Sisi was gone. Bai Lu didn't come often because she had a house in Xiaguan, Coach Ma sang at night, and Tie Nan was like a wandering soul, socializing in the ancient city every day, sometimes even returning later than Coach Ma.
Right now, facing the desolate courtyard and the quietly flowing Erhai Lake, I miss them terribly. To be honest, since coming to Dali, I've found it even harder to overcome loneliness.
So I took a can of beer and a pack of cigarettes and came to the shore of Erhai Lake. Then I sat on the flattest rock that I had carefully chosen, took a drag of my cigarette, and drank a sip of beer...
I thought of everything I could think of, and then I thought of Lu Jia... I was worried about her. I knew it wouldn't be easy for her to adapt to being alone abroad, so I was even more worried about whether she was doing well.
In an instant, I felt a sudden pang of sadness. For a woman, loneliness is far more terrifying, so in that situation, she would definitely be eager to find a boyfriend to share her burden. This is a thorn in my side, because I was the one she once loved. How could I, the one she loved, possibly imagine her holding hands, kissing, and sleeping with another man?
I angrily threw the cigarette butt out of my hand, then slapped myself, forcing myself not to think about her or anything that might happen after she left.
To distract myself, I finally took my phone out of my pocket and took a picture of Erhai Lake shrouded in moonlight. In that picture, I saw a version of myself filled with anxiety and uncertainty... It seems I've wronged too many people, and some have let me down! So, I posted a status update on my WeChat Moments.
After finishing my cigarette, I started looking at other people's WeChat Moments posts, and then I saw myself in Yang Sisi's Moments. I don't know when she took those photos of me rescuing people, but she described almost the entire process in words...
Ye Zhi also posted something, but it was just a single photo—a snapshot of me running, taking off my coat, and rushing into Erhai Lake. She didn't say as much as Yang Sisi, but she gave several likes.
I lit another cigarette, squinted and took a few puffs, feeling a little smug... because this was the first time she had ever posted a real-life-related update on her WeChat Moments, and it was for me.
As the smoke dissipated, I saw my reflection in Erhai Lake again... and I also saw a version of myself that was full of thoughts, yet also very real.
Thinking about it, this quiet night is truly a wonderful thing. It allows me to be both immersed in the pain and anxiety of the past, and to live in the joy of the present, with my sights set on the future!
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