In all these years, I have never rejected Lu Jia so decisively. I no longer care about her feelings... because I am also a victim in this complicated relationship!
I stubbed out my cigarette and glanced at Lu Jia sitting on the sofa. Her eyes were unfocused, like someone who had lost their soul.
A moment later, she finally wiped away the tears on her face. I knew that, given her personality, she would definitely say something to me... She was not a woman who would easily give up because of a few words from others.
“Michael, I know what you’re thinking right now. The more I say, the more you resent it… So, I’ll just say nothing… I’ll just tell you this clearly: these two houses in Dali and Chengdu, even if you plead until the sky falls, you can’t take them from me… You can think I’m a shameless woman… Whatever, I’ll just throw caution to the wind… Anyway, if I’m not having an easy time, I won’t let you have one either…”
"Does it have to be a lose-lose situation?"
"I'm not hurt, what do I have to be hurt about... Anyway, if you don't want me, someone else will... The one who's really hurt is you... I've wasted your youth, and I've seized your assets... Look at yourself, what valuable things do you have left?"
"When you say these things, it's like you've become a completely different person!"
"Am I the only one in this world who would change?"
"Yes, of course you'll change... If I had known you could change so drastically... I shouldn't have helped you on the train... Because a ruthless woman like you, even if someone else takes your seat, you'll have a way with them far better than I do..."
Lu Jia remained silent.
Her silence made me uneasy, so I softened my tone and said to her, "Lu Jia, let's part amicably, don't become enemies, okay?..."
"Don't talk to me about these things, my mind is a mess right now."
“I can give you time to calm down… You have the right to choose to live the right life… You’re right, your current conditions are much better than mine… You’re a returnee from studying abroad, and you have a high-paying job. Aren’t you afraid of finding the right person in this materialistic world… Let me go, and make yourself look decent.”
“I have no dignity left with you… I’ve made it very clear: either we get married, or you can forget about getting these two houses back.”
My anxiety was intense. I instinctively reached into the pack, lit a cigarette, took a deep drag, and said to Lu Jia in a low voice, "I seriously doubt whether you ever truly loved me... You witnessed the darkest days of my life... So you know better than anyone how difficult it is for someone like me, with no foundation whatsoever, to build something of value in this society... These two houses were the result of a gamble with everything I had... If you truly loved me, you would never have willingly put me in this situation... Do you really want to destroy me with your own hands?"
?
Lu Jia retorted angrily: "If I wanted to ruin you, would I still be coming to you with my household registration book?... Or do you think that marrying me is the biggest disaster for you?"
"Leaving aside the present, if we could go back three years, and I were still working in Shanghai, earning only six thousand yuan a month, living in a rented apartment, would you still dare to marry me? ... You wouldn't dare, and I'm afraid I'd never have the chance to see what your household registration book looks like... Lu Jia, what I dislike most about you is your calculated way of giving... Can't two people be a little more genuine when they're together?... If you could be more genuine with me, when I was in Shanghai, maybe I wouldn't have been so hesitant and timid in everything I did... I'm afraid I won't do well, that you'll be disappointed, that you'll be unhappy... I'm so tired, but I don't know how to express it to you!"
“I admit to everything you said… From now on, I can make it up to you… I beg you to give me a chance.”
I took a deep drag on my cigarette, my heart filled with despair... I realized that Lu Jia and I could no longer communicate normally, because she always avoided the key points in my words... She seemed dazed, yet more lucid than ever... to the point that whatever I said was like a hammer hitting cotton, causing no pain or itch.
With a lump in my throat, I finally spoke to Lu Jia: "You value material things so much that you think everyone else is like you... That's why you're using the house to blackmail me... I won't compromise because we have completely different values... Just you wait and see, Lu Jia... I'll turn your rejection into motivation... From now on, you can open your eyes and watch how I, Michael, have climbed out of the predicament you created step by step... You're right, I have nothing materially, but my spirit has always been rich... It's a gold mine... Unfortunately, you've never been the woman who can mine this gold mine... Because your eyes and heart have been blinded by your scheming, you'll never see the shining qualities in me!"
...
After saying all that, Lu Jia and I parted ways in the "Cangshan Villa" house... I don't know how much longer Lu Jia will stay there, but I certainly can't sit still any longer...
On an asphalt road studded with landscape lights, I limped along, facing the cold wind, towards the corner at the end of the road...
Standing at the end of the road, having waited in vain for a taxi, I had lost all interest in the ride. I just smoked a cigarette while feeling the cold wind blowing from my neck toward the shore of Erhai Lake.
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