Several groups of people had already come and gone as they entered the office building before I finally took my phone out of my pocket. I was going to send Yang Sisi a message, telling her that I was standing right downstairs at her father's company and that I really wanted to see her.
I opened WeChat, and my mood suddenly plummeted. There was a message from Lu Jia ten minutes earlier in my unread messages. She said, "I went to your place to look for you. I heard you went to Shanghai… Michael, could you be any more pathetic?… When you first came to Dali to open the guesthouse, it was Wang Lei who gave you the money; later, when you opened the temporary guesthouse, it was thanks to the compensation Ye Zhi got; even the Jiulongju business was only successful because Yang Sisi gave you a sum of money… You said you had a project you wanted to do, but you couldn't get a solution from me, so you went to Shanghai again. I don't need to guess, I know you went to ask Yang Sisi for money…" Are you really planning to live off women your whole life? ...You're a man, you should have the backbone of a man, not take advantage of some women's affection to make unrestrained demands...That's being a kept man...But can you live off a kept man for a lifetime? ...Being down-to-earth is the foundation of being a good person...I don't mean to be sarcastic, I just don't want you to go further down the wrong path...This society is too realistic, so there's no such thing as absolutely pure love anymore...If one day Yang Sisi doesn't love you anymore, she'll see all your flaws, she'll see your kept man side, and she'll look down on you!"
I can't describe how I feel right now. I just feel my blood rushing to my head, my head is buzzing, and I can't calm down for a long time...
I was trembling with anger. This was the first time in my life someone had called me a gigolo, and I didn't want to admit it... but what Lu Jia said was true...
Yes, I can say that I donated all the money Wang Lei gave me to Hope Education after I earned it myself; I also returned double the money Yang Sisi gave me... But no one cares about such an outcome; everyone only sees how you made your fortune... Undeniably, the two most important turning points in my life were deeply marked by women, which is undoubtedly a stain on my life.
Even though I knew Lu Jia had ulterior motives in those words, they still dealt a heavy blow to my mind... At this moment, I felt like I was standing in front of a mirror, and in the mirror, I saw a face full of a sycophantic attitude, while behind me stood the women who had once given me so much... I saw contempt in their eyes... I saw countless mouths, like blood basins, opening wide towards me... My psychological defenses completely collapsed!
In the gloomy weather, I walked across the road with my cane and sat down on a bench. I had lost all interest in doing anything.
I want to go back to Dali, right now, immediately, right away...
...
It was getting dark, and during this time, I tried to book a flight back to Dali, but the earliest flight available was tomorrow.
...
I finally calmed down a bit and realized that the reason I reacted so strongly was because Lu Jia knew me too well. She knew where my biggest weakness was, so she could hit me right in the heart.
Before coming to Shanghai, I acted on a whim and wasn't very determined to begin with; now, my heart feels even colder... I'm afraid of seeing a humble version of myself reflected in Yang Sisi's eyes.
I lit a cigarette and smoked it listlessly... and then I saw Yang Sisi's Scirocco in the traffic.
She stopped in the opposite lane for about ten seconds because of the traffic light, and I finally saw her with her short hair. There was someone else sitting in the passenger seat, but I couldn't see clearly who it was. However, I could vaguely see Yang Sisi turning her head to talk and laugh with him/her. Yang Sisi seemed to be in a good mood and wasn't as lonely as I had imagined.
I took another deep drag of my cigarette, and in that single breath, Yang Sisi had already driven away; all I could see were countless flashing halos, which reignited my fear of the city and made me see myself more clearly...
I shouldn't have come to Shanghai at this time, because this is not my best condition; right now, my leg is broken, my will is crippled, and my heart is extremely sensitive. How am I supposed to face Yang Sisi, who is a rich girl?
Even if Yang Sisi herself doesn't care, I should still take a long-term view of our relationship. I'm not young anymore, and I really can't play around with life like Yang Sisi, wearing the glamorous cloak of romanticism.
Under the dazzling city lights, I felt that my first midlife crisis was rapidly approaching.
...
As I was preparing to leave, I received another WeChat message from Zhou San. He guessed that I was now with Yang Sisi. I told him that the plans had changed, that I had not seen Yang Sisi, and that he should not tell Yang Sisi that I had been to Shanghai.
I don't know if he'll listen to me, and I don't care about that anymore. I just want to find a place to have a drink.
...
As far as I can remember, it had been more than three years since I last saw my cousin Dai Qiang. When I saw him again, he had changed drastically, looking every bit the social elite. He picked me up in his own car, which, while not a fancy luxury car, was still a symbol of his success. At least, during all the years I struggled in Shanghai, I had never been able to buy a car on my own. At the same age, he was far more successful than me.
...
After circling the Bund, Dai Qiang took me to a Western restaurant and ordered a bottle of expensive red wine. As soon as we sat down, Dai Qiang complained to me, "Look at you, you said you were bringing your girlfriend, so I specially booked a Western restaurant. If I had known it was just the two of us, I would have gone to a Sichuan restaurant."
"How can a Sichuan restaurant reflect your current status?"
Dai Qiang leaned closer, rolled up his sleeves, revealed his watch, and then smiled at me, saying:
I bought this last month when I was on a business trip to France. It's a Swiss luxury watch, over ten thousand yuan... Dude, I never would have dared to dream of that before... But I did it... I think the best thing I've ever done in my life was choosing to develop my career in Shanghai... Here, you can see things that you could never experience in our small county..."
"I can see your progress..."
"Wait until I buy a house in Shanghai before you say I've made progress... Anyway, I feel like I've only just started at the beginning of my life."
Looking at the spirited Dai Qiang, I felt a sense of unfamiliarity. I really couldn't connect him with the boy who sold braised food on the street anymore... In him, I saw an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
(End of this chapter)
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