Back at my place, I didn't have a moment to rest. I packed the luggage I needed for Thailand. My itinerary was clear: once I settled things with Wednesday and the bar, I could head to Thailand. Ping Ge wasn't idle either; he'd personally drive from Phuket to Bangkok tomorrow to arrange a bed for me. Ping Ge truly considers me a brother; he hasn't mentioned money to me at all, and he's using his own money to handle everything. Of course, I wouldn't let him suffer any loss. Once I got to Bangkok, I'd pay him back for everything he'd advanced.
After packing my luggage, I moved a chair to sit in the hallway and waited for Nicole to come back. She had lent me some money back then, and now that I'm no longer planning to do "one-click travel," I naturally have to pay her back.
While waiting, I listened to the pattering of the rain, which distracted me. Otherwise, I kept thinking about Yang Sisi, about how she rushed into my arms when she picked me up at the airport…
She just left like that. Sometimes I feel like she's far away, and other times I feel like she's right beside me. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the feeling that she's completely disappeared from my world.
Before, no matter how much we argued, I could always reach her if I wanted to. But this time, she took the initiative to cut off all ways to contact me. This is a fundamental change, meaning she really wants to let go. But for a long time, she was someone I would never leave in my mind, and that's where the feeling of unease came from—it was like a long-standing rule in my world had been broken.
...
In a daze, my phone vibrated again. I quickly picked it up and saw a message from Lu Jia. She said, "I'm still waiting for you. I've never given up. Come back to Chengdu. Give me a home, and give yourself a home too!"
I stared at the message for a long time, then sneered and replied, "Okay, let's get married."
Lu Jia replied instantly: "Are you serious?"
“I’m serious. I’m willing to marry you as long as you’re willing to marry me… But didn’t you say you’ve already let go of the past? You want to use the money from selling the house to improve yourself and then find a man who is better than me in every way.”
“I have thought about that, but every night, you are still the man I hold the deepest place in my heart… I want to be your wife, I want to have your children… Let’s be together in Chengdu and realize all the dreams we couldn’t achieve in Shanghai. I really feel that there is nothing more meaningful in life than this… To be able to marry the person you first loved is such a happy thought… Don’t you think so?”
“Happiness, definitely happiness… Bring your household registration book to Dali to find me, and we’ll register our marriage tomorrow.”
“If you’re not kidding me, I’ll book a flight and fly there right now.”
"You can place the order."
After waiting for about ten minutes, Lu Jia sent me a screenshot of the successful booking interface. Lu Jia was serious; she couldn't wait until tomorrow, so the flight was scheduled to take off at 9:30 tonight.
I pressed the intercom button, then laughed loudly without saying a word.
"What’s wrong with you??????"
"Am I crazy... Hahahaha!"
What's wrong with you?
“I really am sick… I went to the hospital for a check-up yesterday, and the doctor said my peroneal nerve is damaged. I will never be able to walk like a normal person again. If it is not treated properly, I will be paralyzed in a wheelchair for the rest of my life… Lu Jia, I am really grateful to you. When I was going through the most difficult time, you said so many heartfelt things to me. I was so touched… Let’s get married. I also feel that being with the person I first fell in love with is the greatest blessing in my life!”
After sending the message, I also sent her a photo of my test results; then I threw my phone aside. I knew Lu Jia wouldn't reply immediately, and I didn't care about the results. For me, this was just a way to vent, and then tear off the mask from Lu Jia's face.
Amid the sound of rain, I found another match and put it in my mouth. Although it didn't taste like cigarettes, it was better than nothing. Just like without Yang Sisi, I couldn't accept the feeling of losing cigarettes.
On the second day of quitting smoking, I already felt the pain. It felt like I had phlegm stuck in my throat, and my head was throbbing. Sometimes I would even tear up for no reason. If it weren't for wanting to become a healthy person again, I really wouldn't want to quit smoking.
...
After waiting for about half an hour, Lu Jia finally replied to my message. She said, "I'm sorry, Michael, I really love you, and I can't forget our past... When you just told me this, I even had the urge to marry you regardless of everything... But I know that's irrational. Even if I don't think about myself, I have to think about our future children. If they have a paralyzed father, they will suffer endless hardships for the rest of their lives. You will become a burden to him, and it may even affect his ability to get married and have children... I'm sorry, I can't take such a big risk!... I hope you're just joking with me!"
Lu Jia's words perfectly captured my feelings. These were the thoughts that came to mind when Yang Sisi mentioned marriage to me... If she chooses to be with me, she will most likely face the scenario Lu Jia described in the future. Even if I don't consider Yang Sisi, what about our child? What girl would want to marry into a family where the father is paralyzed?
This is endless suffering, and it will continue to affect the next generation... It is precisely because Yang Sisi is so sincere to me that I dare not let her gamble. If we really get married in a moment of impulse, she will have no way to turn back... So, it is better to have a short pain than a long one.
At that moment, I was actually grateful to Lu Jia. She had resolved the knot in my heart and made me realize that I wasn't hurting Yang Sisi, but rather silently dedicating myself to her...
I finally replied to Lu Jia, "You're right... Are you still resentful now?... Probably not... You'll never have to struggle with this pain again!"
"I'm still unwilling to accept it, but that's reality, and there's nothing I can do... In the face of reality, people have no right to resist... What do you plan to do in the future?"
When Lu Jia asked me that question, I felt the whole world suddenly go silent...
Speaking of Lu Jia, she once tried every means to "force" me to marry her, but in just a moment, she gave up the idea of marrying me... In reality, what could be more realistic than this?
But I didn't feel very sad, because I'm also a person who respects reality. I just felt very quiet at that moment... and felt that this world was incredibly real!
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