The afterglow of the setting sun pierced through the coconut trees, casting dappled shadows on the window. As the sea breeze blew, the shadows began to sway. I couldn't help but feel a little disoriented, wondering if I was in Phuket or Dali.
In Dali in the summer, especially at dusk, you sometimes have this feeling: you forget yourself because of the quiet. What makes me even more dazed is that I never thought Yang Sisi would come to Phuket. All my memories with her are based on Dali. Now that she is beside me, I can't help but have this illusion.
I finally spoke to Yang Sisi and asked, "How did you end up here?"
"Is this too old-fashioned? Can't you come up with some fresh words?"
I smiled and replied, "I'm a bit dazed. I feel like I'm still in Dali, with Erhai Lake right in front of me..."
"Your greatest skill is self-deception."
"What's wrong with numbing yourself? Being able to act like a fool is actually a kind of blessing."
Are you stupid?
Yang Sisi asked casually, then sat down on the sofa next to the table and picked up a travel magazine to read. But the more nonchalant she seemed, the more uneasy I felt. I'm not stupid; I knew she hated me.
She then asked me, "So, was Phuket fun?"
"I haven't gone out yet, but the seawater here is bluer than in China. This is what the ocean should look like... By the way, have you ever seen mantis shrimp that are thicker than an arm? I saw one at the seafood market the other day. Is it because of the water quality here? I've never seen such big mantis shrimp in China!"
Yang Sisi ignored me, probably knowing that I was just trying to make conversation.
Embarrassed, I asked her again, "Where have you been all this time?..."
"Are you asking this for yourself, or on behalf of my parents?"
"All... all count."
Yang Sisi closed the magazine in her hand and looked at me with a sharp gaze. I did not look away, but it felt like a needle had been stuck in my heart. I had stuck the needle in myself, and no one could remove it until she forgave me.
"Michael, I don't want to talk about what happened between us before... I came to Phuket this time just to ask you, can you please stop waiting until you're almost at your wit's end to think of me? Am I your quick fix?"
After a moment of silence, I replied, "Sometimes it's even more effective than nitroglycerin!"
"Heh... Looking back twenty years, and looking forward another twenty years, I doubt you'd find anyone with a thicker skin than you..."
These days, isn't it true that the thicker your skin, the more popular you are?
Yang Sisi didn't take it as a joke. She sighed first, then said to me seriously, "When you like someone, even if you slap me, I think it's a cool and charming move; when you don't like someone, even if you look at me twice, I feel like I'm being sexually harassed... Don't tell me that the thicker your skin, the more popular you are."
"I like you, but the key is how I perceive you..."
I laughed and said, "Then you certainly didn't think I was sexually harassing you, otherwise why would you have willingly come to my room?"
"No, if I had a hood right now, I would put it over your head and make you dizzy and disoriented... Look at what you've become, is there anything about you that's likable?"
"Then hurry up and find a mirror and put it in front of me so I can take a good look at myself and then die of shame."
"This is a good method, killing without shedding blood! ... Just like the way you harm others."
I looked at Yang Sisi, and through her half-smiling expression, I seemed to see her sorrowful heart... I was the same; behind my laughter and swearing, I also had a heart full of scars... But we were both adults, and it was impossible for us to fight to the death or cry our hearts out to vent our emotions as soon as we met... This way of bickering at least made her look less like a resentful woman, and I didn't look so much like an executioner.
My smile gradually froze on my face, and I finally whispered to her, "Sisi, I'm sorry... I know some things are particularly hurtful to you; but from my perspective, I have no choice but to do them... You can see what I'm like now. I don't want to do anything that hurts others or myself, but I really have no choice."
Yang Sisi looked at me first, then avoided my gaze. She spoke in a lower voice than mine, "I traveled all the way to Dali not to listen to this nonsense... Michael, remember this... I want to become mature because I liked you. I know you like mature, stable women... But you've got it backwards. You all think that hurting someone makes them mature and tolerant... So in your eyes, even hurting me is a blessing. But is that fair to me?... Have I really suffered less than you all these years?... I'm not immature, I'm just naturally optimistic and don't want to trap myself in painful things... So, you and Dad, stop forcing me to mature... It's precisely because I see this clearly that I must stay away from you... Because you and Dad are the kind of people who slap me and then expect me to laugh... I'm not that sensible, nor that noble... Do you understand?"
After a long silence, I finally spoke, "If this venting makes you feel better, I'm willing to be a listener."
"That's all I wanted to say... Didn't you ask my dad to send me back to Shanghai?... I'd like to see what you're capable of doing to get me back to Shanghai."
As Yang Sisi spoke, she pulled a bank card from her wallet, slammed it on the table, and said to me, "Didn't you want money to buy a villa?... There's nine million in this card. My dad and I got it. If you can persuade me to go back to Shanghai, I'll give you this card right now..."
"Sisi...that's not what I meant."
"Disgusting deal!"
You've really misunderstood.
"...I haven't been able to reach you these past few days, and I've given up on buying that villa, so it's not something I absolutely have to do... But I think it's true you're going back to Shanghai. Even if you feel other places are better for living than Shanghai, you should at least stay in touch with your family... They'll definitely worry about you being alone out there!"
"So you're saying you don't want the money?"
"If you feel that you have to use this money to prove that I'm not being insincere with you, then I'd rather not have it."
(End of this chapter) h/>/>
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