On New Year's Eve, the ancient city was bustling with traffic and brightly lit. I sat alone at the end of Renmin Road, smoking. I couldn't make it back to spend the New Year with Lao Mi and my mother... My heart was filled with indescribable loneliness.
But I am not the most unfortunate one. After experiencing such a big storm, Cao Xiaobei suffered from severe depression. Yang Sisi took Cao Xiaobei to Germany for treatment this morning. She did not let me go with her. She just said "I'm sorry" to me before leaving.
I understand what she means, but I'm the one who should be saying "I'm sorry".
Ye Zhi also returned to Shanghai quietly.
At this moment, if I weren't standing on the soil of Dali, I would really doubt that this is a dream... a particularly long dream!
I wanted to laugh, but I also felt like crying... because under these flickering lights, I was reminded of all the joys and sorrows I've experienced over the years...
Suddenly, I really wanted to sleep, the kind of sleep where I never woke up. This negativity stemmed from my sense of frustration.
If there are winners and losers in the world of emotions, I am undoubtedly the one who lost the most miserably... I have to accept the reality that there is no love in my world anymore, but even if I am completely defeated, I will accept my defeat wholeheartedly, because only the most sincere people deserve the most sincere love.
...
"Michael, the dumplings are all wrapped up, come and have your New Year's Eve dinner!"
It wasn't until Coach Ma sent me this voice message that I suddenly remembered I had a group of friends here, but I didn't want to eat, nor did I have any desire to integrate myself into the group...
I turned off my phone, curled up alone on a bench in the street, and cried my heart out while watching the flickering fireworks...
...
Three years later.
In a high-end residential community in Shanghai, I sat alone on the sofa in the living room, smoking. This was my second apartment in Shanghai, 196 square meters, with five bedrooms, five separate bathrooms, and good ventilation from north to south.
Yesterday, I also changed my car. I got a brand new BMW 760Li, the top-of-the-line model in the 7 Series, worth over two million yuan.
I gradually felt that Shanghai had become more open and expansive. I no longer had to squeeze onto buses and had my own dedicated parking space. I completely got rid of the hassle of crowding. I even set aside a room in my apartment to turn into a gym, filled with all sorts of fitness equipment. I love to work up a sweat on these machines because I forget a lot of things when I'm drenched in sweat.
My friends all think I work out so much because I care about my health, but I haven't given up smoking and drinking.
...
I stubbed out my cigarette, took another bottle of wine from the liquor cabinet, then drew back the curtains and stood on the 39th floor, looking down at the city below... I saw the interlacing lights, half bright and half dim, and when they blended together, they looked just like life... But standing on this building, I could no longer see the stinking vegetable market, nor the night market stalls where beer only cost two yuan and fifty cents a bottle... Yet, I could not deny their existence, because that's where I came from.
I was so engrossed in images of the past and present that I lost myself in them until someone knocked on the door.
...
I opened the door, and standing in front of me was Tong Yuwei, my new girlfriend… no, it's not exactly new anymore, because we've been together for almost a year now… I met her at a nightclub…
She frowned and asked me, "Have you been drinking again?"
"I had a little to drink... Is something wrong?"
Let's break up.
I smiled and asked, "Why do you want to break up? Is there something I did wrong?"
"It's my fault... so you've never truly loved me."
I lit another cigarette and asked in a very calm tone, "I bought you a house and a car, isn't that love?"
"Are you trying to settle scores with me?... Who's going to compensate me for my youth?... Did you expect me to have slept with you for a year for nothing?"
"What I give you is truly my gift to you."
"Hehe... That's true, you're already so rich, why would you bother with such a small thing!"
I looked at Tong Yuwei, and after a long silence, I finally asked her, "Yes, I'm already so rich, why did you still want to break up with me?"
This was a question I desperately wanted to know, but she had no intention of answering it. She started taking off her clothes and whispered in my ear, "Michael, remember my body..."
...
The night was so deep. I fled the empty house as if I were escaping, and then found Chen Jin, the only close friend I had in this city... It had been more than three years. Like me, he had never been back to Dali since he left.
We sat on the top floor of the Chamber of Commerce building, facing the cold wind. He smoked, and I drank...
I laughed and said to him, "I think I've developed depression. Every time I stand in a high place, I have this urge to jump... Do you think this might actually be a kind of relief?"
"Come on, do you think depression is some kind of fashionable disease? ...Even if it were depression, it should be me who gets it... You know, I'm quite successful now, right? But why is Nicole willing to wait for Cao Xue to get out of prison instead of giving me a chance?"
"You'll have to ask yourself that."
After replying, I couldn't help but laugh, like one patient mocking another.
"You stupid idiot!"
Chen Jin cursed at me and then started smoking a cigarette... Suddenly, he said to me seriously, "By the way, a friend in Dali told me something... More than a year ago, Cao Jinbo got pancreatic cancer and died while in custody!"
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