Rain started falling again outside the window. Raindrops fell on the hot lampshade, evaporating into condensation that drifted away in the wind. Staring at it for too long made one feel particularly disoriented… Then, in a sudden moment, my mind would become incredibly focused, and I would start thinking about philosophical questions like, "Why do humans exist?"
The more I thought about it, the more insignificant I felt, and I gradually became lost... I really wanted to let go of some obsessions and settle down to be someone important; but looking at the luxury cars and extravagant lights running all over the streets, I felt unwilling. I wanted to do something great to solidify my sense of security.
People are too materialistic, even their own parents; today, I wanted to borrow two thousand yuan from Lao Mi to buy a cell phone, but I was scolded, and I felt very frustrated.
At this point, I really started to feel sorry for those two houses that were transferred to Lu Jia's name... Who knows if I'll ever have the same luck and opportunities as when I made money at Jiulongju again.
Taking a deep drag of my cigarette, I turned to Zhou San, who was sitting beside me, and said, “San San, I consider you a brother, so there are some things I won’t hide from you… I’m out of startup capital, and the takeout ads I did have have to be stopped by the real estate developer; everything I have now is tied up in Chen Jin’s bar. If the bar does well, I can catch my breath for a while, but if it doesn’t, things will get even tougher… So, you should reconsider going to Shanghai…”
"Brother, what do you mean by this?"
I looked up at Zhou San and after a moment, I replied, "I may not be able to provide you with a stage to showcase your talents for a long time... In comparison, your fourth brother's side is indeed a good choice... Here, the world is very simple... So, I don't need you to be loyal, just do what is in your own best interest."
Zhou San was a little unhappy. He replied, "Why say such demoralizing things? ... If there's nothing suitable to do for the time being, I'll just continue delivering food... As long as I can support myself, that's fine."
"You're not young anymore, you'll be eighty next year, right?"
"Um."
"It's time to think about your future, otherwise when you reach my age, you'll feel just as insecure as I did..."
"What will you do if I go to Shanghai?"
I flicked my cigarette ash and replied, "I've gotten used to this situation in Dali over the past few years... I'm fine."
As I spoke, I took the money the man had returned from under my pillow. I pulled out two thousand yuan and said to Zhou Sansan, "My old phone is no longer working. Could you buy me a new phone tomorrow morning? Something around two thousand yuan will do."
After thinking for a moment, I only gave Zhou San 1,000 yuan, and then stroked my chin and said, "A new phone is just so-so. Aren't you a tech enthusiast? Go find me a good value second-hand one... Also, take this 3,000 yuan and pay my parents' rent for this month."
"Oh... okay."
"It's getting late, you should go back."
Take a rest...
On Wednesday, he nodded. Before leaving, I asked him to think carefully about working in Shanghai, but he didn't say anything. This time, however, I wasn't testing him. I was genuinely worried about my own situation and didn't want to hold him back because he was also a pitiful person.
...
After Wednesday left, I took the remaining five thousand yuan from under my pillow, and a sense of crisis welled up in my heart again... It's not that I'm bad at managing money, because after the business at Jiulongju, the two properties I invested in appreciated a lot in a short period of time, and I originally had the potential to double my assets, but now I've been defeated by the painful reality.
Where exactly did I go wrong?
I was so afraid of owing Lu Jia money that after I made some, I quickly bought a house in Chengdu and registered it in her name.
If two people truly want to be together, would they be afraid of feeling indebted to each other?
I think the subconscious is the most real thing. Since the breakup, I have never had the idea of getting back together with Lu Jia. So I just want to make up for her sacrifices even more.
...
I was a bit upset, so I lit another cigarette. I had no choice but to smoke, since I had thrown away my cell phone, the only thing that allowed me to connect with the outside world.
I'm such a lunatic, I don't even know who I'm messing with.
...
The next morning, Zhou San brought me a used phone. He only paid 800 yuan for it; it was a very outdated iPhone 5. Zhou San said that the phone was good because the previous owner hadn't upgraded the system, so the phone's configuration could still maintain smooth performance...
I tried it out and I think it's pretty good. Although the screen is a bit small, it's very suitable for one-handed operation.
Even if it's just self-consolation, it's better than feeling psychologically disappointed.
...
After Wednesday left, I plugged my phone in to charge and then opened WeChat... There was a message from Lu Jia.
She said, "Your parents talked to me about the house... I also conveyed my thoughts to you... As long as you agree to get a marriage certificate, I can return the house in Dali to your name."
"Heh...Trying to entice me?"
Lu Jia seemed to have been waiting for my reply. She replied very quickly: "I didn't mean to bribe you... Thinking about everything that happened in the past, I feel that we shouldn't end things so easily... You know how I feel about you."
"I really don't know how deep your feelings for me were... I only remember you telling me that you would hate me... You succeeded, and I really do hate you... You are the least trustworthy person I've ever been in my life!"
“That was just me saying it in anger… What you’re saying now is also just me saying it in anger… We’re the most suitable people for each other. I’ve already started working, with an annual salary of 0 yuan… I don’t mind that you’re going through a rough patch, as long as you’re willing to come back to Chengdu and work hard together… I can take on the responsibilities of the family first.”
"Don't you think using a house as a bargaining chip?"
Does offering such a bargaining chip seem despicable? ...I've already been quite lenient with you.
“I know you’ve taken all the blame… That’s why I’m even more afraid of losing you. I was wrong… Please come back… We’re both getting old, and I want a home… I’m sure you do too.”
Looking at this message, I felt quite uneasy; but I didn't reply, because everything about Lu Jia felt extremely unfamiliar to me.
...
My phone vibrated again. I thought it was Lu Jia saying something, but it turned out to be a message from Yang Sisi, whom I hadn't contacted since she left.
I dreamt about you last night... I miss you!
I was in a daze for a while...
She sent another message: "It's getting colder in Dali. I bought you a coat and sent it to the apartment you and Nicole are renting. Remember to pick up the package."
(End of this chapter)
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