It was already evening when I arrived in Chengdu from Dali. I walked out of the terminal with my backpack on, and Lu Jia walked beside me, dragging her suitcase... It was raining outside, and the air was damp and humid. What was even more uncomfortable than that were the streetlights reflected in the puddles. Their distorted shapes seemed to constantly remind you: in this city, you are a rootless drifter... This feeling was even stronger when the taxi driver came over to ask where you were going.
For a moment, I felt utterly lost… I'm always like this; faced with the lights of a big city, I lose my way amidst the crisscrossing streets… I habitually get lost in this vast urban jungle, and I hate sitting in a box-like car, wandering around the city like a cell…
After standing there for a moment, Lu Jia said to me, "We definitely won't have time to get things done today. Let's find a hotel near the hospital to stay in..."
I nodded, and Lu Jia immediately called over a taxi driver. After asking for directions, she put her suitcase in the car and then invited me to get in.
...
In a hotel that cost a little over 100 yuan a night, Lu Jia and I each stayed in a separate room.
A little while later, she called me and said she had ordered takeout and asked me to come over and get something to eat.
I didn't have much of an appetite and said I didn't want to eat, so she brought the takeout to my room and insisted that I drink the bowl of nourishing goji berry and red date porridge.
I was acting too listless. In order not to let this listlessness completely destroy my mentality, I forced myself to eat a little something. Lu Jia only picked up her chopsticks after seeing that I had started eating.
During the conversation, she casually said to me, "I have something to tell you... I'm thinking of giving up my studies and focusing on working in Chengdu from now on."
I looked up at her, but she didn't look up at all, and her chopsticks never stopped. She picked up a piece of pickled vegetable from her bowl, and everything seemed so casual.
I asked, "Why did you suddenly make this decision? ...You worked so hard to get this opportunity to study abroad!"
"You don't need to persuade me... I already sent an email to the school with my withdrawal application on the way to the hotel, so it's settled."
"Aren't you being a little too impulsive?!"
Lu Jia smiled and said, "Is it impulsive?... I don't think it's impulsive at all. This should be the most determined moment in my life... I have no other hope but that you can stay in Dali and start your business with peace of mind; as for your uncle, let me take care of him... I have already inquired and the treatment process is particularly long, which may take three or four months. You can't stay in Chengdu for three or four months. Your aunt can't take care of him by herself."
I now understand that Lu Jia gave up her studies so that I could better start my own business... Even if we didn't have a romantic relationship now, I would never let her make such a big sacrifice.
I said, “You should quickly explain to the school that you sent the email on impulse… No matter how difficult it is, this is my family matter, and I will grit my teeth and persevere… But you can’t do this. You’re not only jeopardizing your own future, but your parents will also be disappointed in you.”
Lu Jia put down her chopsticks, smiled, and then said to me, "I knew you would think that way. In your eyes, you've always thought my parents are typical Shanghai petty citizens, materialistic and calculating... But they're not like that at all... I don't want to explain too much. You'll gradually understand in the future... Just like they didn't understand you well enough before... It's my responsibility that I didn't do a good job of communication between you."
I really can't accept Lu Jia's choice with a clear conscience, but I don't know how to respond.
Lu Jia seemed to understand how I felt. She put some food in my bowl and then smiled, changing the subject, saying, "Hurry up and eat. Get a good night's sleep. I'll go to the hospital with you tomorrow morning..."
After finishing the meal, Lu Jia tidied up and left my room.
...
The weather in Chengdu was hot and humid. I took a hot shower and then lay down on the bed. Although I was very tired, I had no desire to sleep at all. So I called my mom again to ask her about Lao Mi's situation.
She told me not to worry, that Old Mi had no suspicions and was now asleep.
I briefly explained my situation to her, and she felt the same way I did. Even now, we were still pinning our hopes on the test results from the big hospital tomorrow. We desperately wanted to believe that the hospital in Dali had misdiagnosed Lao Mi's condition, even though Bai Lu's friend in the lab had told us that the chance of a misdiagnosis was almost nonexistent.
I put down my phone and lit another cigarette. My mindset had changed because of staying in such a mediocre hotel... I knew that Lu Jia had only stayed here to accommodate me.
Although others might see me as having achieved some success in my career, at this stage I still don't dare to spend money recklessly... so my quality of life has remained at a low level. Lu Jia came with me, and while I don't care what hotel I stay in, I feel really guilty making her stay in such a cheap hotel as well.
When we were together, I didn't provide her with any material happiness; after we broke up, things remained the same.
...
I had only smoked half a cigarette when I heard mosquitoes buzzing. I searched the cabinet for a long time but couldn't find any mosquito repellent. I called the front desk, but they were very impatient and insisted that I go downstairs and get mosquito coils myself, showing no remorse whatsoever about the hotel's work.
I took the mosquito coil from downstairs and went to Lu Jia's room. I thought: My room is already like this, hers must be in no better shape, so I decided to give her half of the mosquito coil.
When I was about to knock on her door, I gave up.
I didn't want to mistreat her anymore, so I immediately took out my phone and booked another room for her at a four-star hotel across the street before knocking on her door...
No matter how much Lu Jia objected, I insisted on taking her to the hotel across the street; only then did I feel a little better.
...
I lit the mosquito coil, lay back down on the bed, and continued in the same state as before, until my phone rang.
The call was from Jian Zihan. After I answered, she said to me, "I've already booked my flight back to Shanghai for tomorrow afternoon. Do you have time tomorrow at noon? ...If so, let's have lunch together."
"I can't eat anymore, I'm in Chengdu."
Jian Zihan was a little puzzled. She asked, "Why did you suddenly go to Chengdu?"
I replied in a low voice, "My dad was diagnosed with lymphoma in Dali, and I brought the biopsy to Chengdu for a follow-up examination... If it's confirmed, he'll be receiving treatment here in Chengdu, so I need to book a bed in advance." To chat with more like-minded people about "My Tenant Miss," follow "or" on WeChat to discuss your favorite books.
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