Looking at the message Yang Sisi sent, I could almost understand her feelings. It was a mix of love and hate. When she hated someone, she wished she could tear them apart; when she loved someone, she didn't want to be apart for even a second. And the so-called unforgettable love is something that accumulates little by little in this process.
After putting down my phone, I subconsciously looked around again, but I had no idea where I was. I had been brought to this place by a bus, and then I randomly found a hotel on the street, something like "Love's Romance".
The hotel was very run-down and very cheap, costing only 60 yuan a night. So I figured there must be some university nearby, because this kind of hotel is clearly designed for university students. University students are energetic and don't care about the location. I just found a used condom under the desk.
These hotels, besides being unhygienic, have a computer in the room as standard... But I still don't understand the point of having an old computer in the room in today's world where mobile internet is so advanced.
...
After a moment of this daze, I realized that I didn't need to know where I was at all, as long as I had my phone's GPS...
But do I really want Yang Sisi to come?
Without a doubt, I did think about it... But after I arrived, I would still remember that I was a cripple with an uncertain future, and I would feel awkward in front of her; then she would become suspicious and say that I had feelings for Ye Zhi, and that she was my second choice.
I don't want to be a burden to her, and the fundamental reason for not wanting to be a burden to her is that she has many better options besides me.
If she were also lame or disabled, and we had no other choice, we could pretend nothing had happened and just continue with the original plan.
I've always felt that "unbalanced love" is the most terrifying thing in the world. It might not be so obvious in the next few years, but life is still a long journey of several decades. She is an excellent girl in every way. If she lives every day under the incomprehension of others and sees other people's husbands giving love in every way and without any blind spots, wouldn't she feel unbalanced?
I'm not being overly pessimistic, but I can no longer lift her up at our wedding, help her with housework, drive, or even pick up and drop off the kids...
It's terrifying to even think about, and anyone who still believes in "true love conquers all" at this time is either naive or has watched too many idol dramas. Because this real world is made up of real people, trying to force someone who shines like a star onto your own broken boat is undoubtedly the most selfish and vicious act.
...
Based on these complex and real thoughts, I finally replied to Yang Sisi's message: "Let's not meet in person, let's chat on the phone for a while. I also have something I want to ask you... Do you really think that Ye Zhi is the biggest obstacle between us?"
“Yes, I was by your side during the time you lost Ye Zhi. I know better than anyone how much you love her and care about her… I’m not stupid. I can feel that the feelings you give me are empty; these feelings are like something unreal, completely based on your personal preferences, but not from your heart.”
I unscrewed the cap of the mineral water bottle, took a big gulp of the cold water, and then stood there for a while, feeling dejected, before replying to Yang Sisi, "Do you women judge a person entirely based on your sixth sense?"
"Am I wrong?... I don't know if I should blame you. You seem to have gotten used to being the favored one. I'm like you are like you are like Ye Zhi in front of me. You should understand my feelings better than anyone else. It's a feeling of wanting to do something but being powerless... Maybe I'm too persistent. If it were someone else, let alone three years, they probably wouldn't even last a year... You should understand me. I don't have the kind of pressure that most people have, so I'm particularly persistent in relationships... Every time I'm about to give up, I tell myself: Yang Sisi, you've had everything that others want since birth. If love could be obtained so easily, what would be the point of your life?... Just treat Michael as a kind of spiritual practice in your life... But even spiritual practice should have an end, right?... I'm really confused. Every time I'm sad because of you, it feels like I've died once, and after being reborn, I'm torn to pieces again by you... Living in the eighteenth level of hell, this is probably the punishment?"
"You've really upset me!"
"You don't need to be sad. I've never really blamed you. Like today, I hated you to the core, but before long, I started thinking about you again... I despise myself. You've almost become my nightmare!"
As I was secretly heartbroken, Yang Sisi sent me another message: "Do you know what I'm holding right now?"
"I don't know, what did you take?"
“I stole the household registration book from home… Let’s get married… We’ll register tomorrow, and I’ll give birth to your child the day after… I have to be tough on you because I don’t know when I’ll suddenly break down.”
Yang Sisi wasn't lying to me. After sending that message, she sent me a photo of her household registration booklet. She added, "I met you in the best years of my life, but you think I'm immature... Next year is my birth year in the Chinese zodiac. Am I old enough to be your wife?... Hehe, if you still don't want me, then in a few more years, I'll become an old maid... Time really flies. In the blink of an eye, several years have passed. The only thing that hasn't changed is that I've never regretted meeting you... Because for better or worse, you've given this kid the most vivid lesson in life!"
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