Listening to her classmates talking about their marriage lives, Lan Dujuan was deeply touched and couldn't help but want to talk about her own marriage status.
"Haitang, Jasmine, I really didn't expect that your marriages, which started as childhood sweethearts, wouldn't be strong. Unlike me, I had no emotional foundation before marriage, which led to so many conflicts after marriage. I'm in the same situation as you now. I'm exhausted from arguing and on the verge of divorce."
Lan Dujuan's heart aches when she talks about her bumpy love life. She was so proud and ambitious when she was young, but her beautiful ideals were destroyed by cruel reality. Each relationship became more and more difficult. She often lamented to her friends: "The tears I shed in marriage are the water that enters my brain when I'm in love."
When she was in love with her ex-boyfriend, at his instigation, she was blinded by love and placed her hopes of survival on him. She resolutely abandoned everything in Nanzhong City and followed him to his hometown, humbly trying to please his whole family. Sadly, she was kicked out by her ex-boyfriend in less than a year, and eventually returned to Nanzhong City to work in loneliness.
Her current husband was introduced to her by someone else. They had no feelings for each other and were just getting together because of their age. However, not long after their son was born, her husband openly cheated on her, and their already fragile relationship reached its lowest point.
Listening to her sad story, her classmates all sympathized with her situation, but it was hard to tell who was right and who was wrong in matters of the heart, as everything was God's will. What was puzzling was that she had a kind and gentle personality, so why did every relationship of hers go wrong?
As an outstanding psychological counselor, Zhao Haitang has come across many cases of broken marriages and is good at analyzing problems in marriages.
She looked at Lan Dujuan sympathetically and asked, "Dujuan, what's wrong with you? You don't want a divorce, do you? Divorce is no joke. Don't divorce unless it's absolutely necessary. Life after a divorce isn't as carefree as you might imagine. I've come across too many similar cases. Few couples have perfect relationships. Every unhappy marriage has its own misfortunes. Every family has its own grime at the bottom of the pot. Men and women need to tolerate and understand each other. Even after a divorce, life won't necessarily be easier. I'm a lesson learned."
Lan Dujuan shook her head with a sad look on her face and said, "I'm not afraid of you laughing at me. After breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, I developed a phobia of love because I was hit so hard. Once bitten by a snake, you'll be afraid of the rope for ten years. I was afraid of meeting a cold and heartless man again. I was 30 years old at the time and I couldn't bear any harm anymore, but my parents were always urging me to get married. In rural areas, if a 30-year-old daughter doesn't get married, her parents would feel ashamed. In desperation, I had to accept the boyfriend someone introduced to me. We established a relationship after only meeting once and got a marriage certificate three months later. Ours was a typical flash marriage without any emotional foundation. After giving birth to a son, our relationship returned to the starting point and we became strangers living under the same roof. We often remained speechless. He's incredibly critical of me, and no matter how hard I try to please him and his family, I never get his approval. Over time, I've grown tired of his selfishness and domineering nature, and arguments have become a regular occurrence in our family. Not long ago, I discovered he was having an affair with a female subordinate. No woman would tolerate such humiliation. For the sake of the children, I want to be humble and patient, trying to get by. But he's often not home, and when he does, it's only to see the children. He treats me like a complete stranger. How can I endure this dull marriage? I simply can't go on with him, but I'm almost 40. If I divorce him, what will I do? I can't move forward or backward; this marriage is making life worse than death.
Lan Dujuan's tearful narration resonated with several old classmates. The marriage life of middle-aged women is mostly a mess. They have to be careful to please their husbands, worry that he will have other affairs outside, educate their children carefully, and at the same time make time to make money. Otherwise, it will be difficult to survive, let alone have the capital to capture their husbands' hearts.
Now Lan Dujuan is once again at a crossroads in her relationship. She doesn’t know how to maintain this broken marriage?
If she didn't divorce, she couldn't endure her husband's open betrayal and the cold violence in the marriage. But she didn't dare to divorce easily. She was already 38 years old. Where would she go after the divorce? She couldn't imagine how she would survive life alone with her son.
Looking at Lan Dujuan with a sad expression, Wang Mudan comforted her, "You had no emotional foundation before marriage, so it's understandable that there are gaps between the two sides after marriage. But now that you have a son, you must take on the responsibility of the family, accommodate each other, and tolerate each other. Marriage needs to be adjusted and needs to be managed slowly. Don't divorce just because of a little conflict. Divorce is not a joke. No matter which man you are with, there will be conflicts. It is not ruled out that there are many men with good personalities and good tempers. This requires fate and luck. No one's marriage is perfect. Since you are married, live well. Marriage is not easy for people in middle age, so just think positively."
Lan Dujuan sighed and said, "Happy marriages are all very similar, but unhappy marriages are all unhappy in their own way. Why do I have more misfortunes than others? To be honest, I'm not a bad person. I've invested a lot of energy and effort in every relationship, but none of them have been as I wished. I'm really tired!"
Zhao Haitang took over the conversation and said, "Du Juan, I understand your feelings. Among the divorced couples I have come into contact with, some women have suffered much worse than you. Those men not only cheated, but also gambled, committed domestic violence, and even more terrible behaviors. If you get a man like that, it's really worse than death. As for your husband's cheating, if you can't accept it from your heart, I support your divorce, but what about life after divorce? Are you mentally prepared? Marriage is marriage, life is life. You can't stand his cheating and cold violence, but after leaving him, where will you take your children? To be honest, a 38-year-old divorced woman with a child wants to find a good man to remarry, and it's not as good as imagined. The conflicts between remarried couples are even more terrible than those of the original couple. Besides financial issues, the most obvious concern is the children of both parties. Everyone has their own selfish desires, and who wouldn't protect their own children? Conflicts inevitably arise. At this age, relationships are far less important than life itself. The divorce rate among remarried couples is even higher than that of first marriages, mainly due to children and financial issues. Taking a step back, you can choose not to remarry after a divorce, but people will eventually age, right? You're still young and can earn money on your own without getting married. But what will you do in your later years? You can't go back to your ex-husband's family, and going back to your parents' family is even more impossible. Have you considered this issue? Of course, if your parents can help raise your son, divorce won't have much of an impact on your life. Here's my advice for your reference."
Lan Dujuan shook her head helplessly and said, "If I get divorced, I can't go back to my parents' home. I have a younger brother and sister-in-law there. As a divorced woman, my parents' home has long lost my place. It is because of this reality that I haven't made up my mind to divorce. Don't worry about you laughing at me. The situation I face now is that I am homeless. I really don't know what to do."
Lin Moli said disapprovingly, "Oh, Du Juan, don't overthink it. If you can tolerate his cheating and the pain of his cold violence against you, then just turn a blind eye. As long as you refuse to divorce, how can he possibly eat you? If you can't live together, then divorce. There's always a way out. Who can't live without him? If no one helps you take care of the child, then give it to them. You can go back to see him when you have time. Life is short, so don't treat yourself too hard. You only have a few decades left, so enjoy it. It's no big deal."
Lin Moli has a very strong personality. Her philosophy is that life is about pursuing enjoyment. She is a sophisticated egoist. When her marriage with Li Danong could no longer be maintained, she chose to divorce without hesitation. Although the divorce procedure was complicated, she believed that as long as she had money, there was no difficulty that could not be overcome. Therefore, during the marriage, she firmly grasped the financial power of the family and was quite mean to Li Danong. This was also the main reason why he was dissatisfied with Lin Moli and even wanted to divorce.
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