Chapter 64: Sobriety and despair, madness and determination
Li Lianhua leaned against the window, his gaze fixed on the outside. The aroma of medicinal herbs filled the air, but it couldn't overcome the suffocating dullness. He felt like a bird in an exquisite cage, each breath carrying an invisible weight. Di Feisheng's meticulous protection felt more like a cocoon, tightly wrapped around him, suffocating him.
For the past few days, he'd watched Di Feisheng's murderous aura grow stronger. Each time he hurried back, his eyes were etched with an indelible weariness and a near-paranoia. Those vague rumors of the bloody underworld, the fragments of Di Feisheng's absurd engagement with Jiao Liqiao, pierced his heart like a poisonous sting. He wasn't completely ignorant, but he was trapped in this tiny place, powerless to change, and filled only with a heavy burden of guilt and despair.
"Ahem..." A gentle cough rippled through his lungs, drawing immediate attention. Di Feisheng appeared almost instantly beside the couch, his palms warm with internal energy, gently transferring it to his back, attempting to alleviate the nonexistent discomfort.
Li Lianhua leaned slightly to the side, gently avoiding the palm that continued to channel his internal energy. He raised his eyes and looked at Di Feisheng's tense jawline. His voice was hoarse, but with an unusual calmness: "A Fei... This room is too stuffy... I want to go out... Get some fresh air."
Di Feisheng paused, looked at him with a serious look, and said without hesitation: "I'll accompany you." His tone was unquestionable and firm.
"No need..." Li Lianhua lowered her eyelashes, avoiding the oppressive gaze. Although her voice was soft, it revealed a subtle stubbornness. "...I just want to...take a walk around...be alone...for a while."
"No." Di Feisheng refused flatly, his tone leaving no room for negotiation. "You can't stand the wind. It's not safe outside." He reached out to pull her back. "Wherever you want to go, I'll go with you."
Li Lianhua, however, rarely shrank back, avoiding his touch. This subtle resistance, like a spark, suddenly splashed into Di Feisheng's highly tense and anxious nerves that had been on edge for days.
"Li Lianhua!" Di Feisheng's voice suddenly rose, and his eyes instantly surged with long-suppressed violence and panic. He suddenly grabbed Li Lianhua's slender wrist with such force that it almost broke the fragile bones. "Why do you always push me away?! I've done so much for you! I've put so much thought into it! I... I even..." His voice stopped abruptly, as if he had forced himself to swallow some extremely unbearable words. His chest heaved violently, and his eyes were filled with terrifying bloodshot. "I just want you to live! Is that wrong?!"
Li Lianhua's grip stung, yet she didn't struggle. She simply raised her eyes, gazing at him calmly with a bottomless sadness. "...Live? At what price?" His voice was soft, but each word was clear, like knocking on ice. "...Will it be by stepping on the heads of Shan Gudao? Will it be by stepping on the mountains of corpses and seas of blood from all the martial arts sects? Or...by relying on that deal you made with Jiao Liqiao?!"
With every word he spoke, Di Feisheng's face became darker, and the coldness emanating from his body could almost freeze the air.
"A Fei..." Li Lianhua's eyes were filled with immense pain, her voice trembling but firm, "...If the price of my survival...is to pile up a mountain of corpses and a sea of blood...then I, Li Lianhua...would rather not live."
"Li Lianhua!" Di Feisheng violently pulled him closer, his eyes bloodshot as he practically roared to interrupt him, his voice distorted by extreme anger and fear. "Other people's lives and deaths! What does it have to do with me?! People in the world live and die! Why should I care?! I just want you to live! As long as you live!"
He stared at Li Lianhua's pale face, each word seemingly ground out from the deepest recesses of his chest, laced with bloody paranoia and a madness that wanted to destroy everything: "If you dare to die! If you dare to abandon me again... I will let this entire world, everything you care about, be buried with you! I mean what I say!"
This is no longer a love talk, but the most naked and insane curse and threat.
Li Lianhua's pupils suddenly constricted, and the blood in his body seemed to freeze instantly. He knew Di Feisheng too well. This man was paranoid and would always keep his word. When he said he would bury the whole world with him, it was no empty threat.
Li Lianhua looked at the all-consuming paranoid flames in Di Feisheng's eyes and felt a chill rising from the depths of his heart, instantly freezing his limbs. His voice trembled as he questioned with a tone of near despair:
"Di Feisheng...you are really...crazy..."
Upon hearing this, Di Feisheng, far from being angry, laughed softly. His laughter was hoarse and broken, carrying with it an endless desolation and a kind of liberated madness:
"Crazy? I've been crazy for a long time!" He grabbed Li Lianhua's cold wrist fiercely, the force so strong that it almost broke the fragile bones, and his red eyes locked on him. "From the moment you fell into the sea and disappeared in the battle of the East China Sea! From the ten years when I thought you were dead! From the moment I found you, only to discover that you were poisoned by the green tea and your life was exhausted! I've been crazy! From the moment you took the poison to yourself in order to detoxify me, I've been crazy!"
His breathing was heavy, and every word seemed to be torn out from the depths of his chest: "Nothing in this world can keep me awake! Unless you are alive!"
Li Lianhua was burned by the undisguised, destructive madness in his eyes, and his heart was in a convulsive pain. He closed his eyes, then opened them again, trying to use the last bit of his sanity to wake him up, and to wake himself up:
"Well... even if you get the Rama Cauldron... what if... what if that cauldron doesn't have the miraculous power to bring the dead back to life or regenerate dead trees?" His voice was as light as a sigh, yet it carried a tremendous force as he smashed it between the two of them. "In this world... how can there be such an easy way to reverse life and death, to mend an imperfection? If... if it can't save me at all... then what will you do? Everything you've done... is nothing?"
This question was extremely sharp, pointing directly to the most fragile and vulnerable core of the crazy plan, and also revealing the greatest fear and despair in Li Lianhua's heart.
However, Di Feisheng's answer was without hesitation or wavering, and even more stubborn and resolute, with a kind of determination that was like falling into the abyss:
"No ifs!" He roared resolutely, as if defying the laws of heaven and earth. "As long as there's even a sliver of possibility! As long as there's even a tiny bit of record in legend! I'll never give up!"
He leaned down and approached Li Lianhua, their breaths meeting each other, and in those bottomless eyes there surged a heart-pounding dark tide:
"So what if the Rama Cauldron is ineffective? Even if I have to search through all the Nan Yin secret techniques, dig up all the ancient tombs in the world, and pray to all the ghosts, gods, and demons... I will find a way to save you!"
"Li Lianhua, listen carefully—" His voice suddenly lowered, but with an even more eerie calmness. Every word was clear, like a curse, and like an oath. "As long as there is a glimmer of hope, I will never let go. You, too, are not allowed to give up."
"If Heaven wants to take you..." He paused, a trace of extreme madness and cruelty flashing in his eyes, "I will fight with Heaven!"
As soon as the words fell, the room fell into dead silence.
Li Lianhua stared at him blankly, all the words of advice stuck in his throat, unable to utter a single word. What he saw in Di Feisheng's eyes was not blind confidence, but an absolute obsession that had long transcended life and death, regardless of right or wrong, and regardless of consequences.
This love is as heavy as the mountains and seas, but also... as terrifying as the abyss.
He knew that if Di Feisheng said it, he would do it. If he really died, the person before him would probably stop at nothing to turn the world upside down and make all creatures mourn.
The immense heartache and feeling of powerlessness came like a tide, drowning out all struggles and words.
He slowly lowered his eyelashes, no longer looking at him, and no longer speaking. However, the hand that was tightly grasped by Di Feisheng, with its fingertips cold and slightly trembling, revealed the owner's inner turmoil and despair.
Outside the window, the night was as dark as ink, as if it had swallowed up all the light and hope.
Yes... this was Di Feisheng's love. Heavy, violent, undeniable, and even... willing to drag the entire world down with it.
He waded through blood and seas, shouldered the sins, made a deal with the devil, and forced himself into this situation... This love is as heavy as a mountain and as deep as the sea, but it is also... so desperate that it is suffocating.
Li Lianhua slowly closed her eyes, her thick eyelashes trembling violently, but she couldn't stop the scalding tears from silently falling, soaking her clothes. He said nothing more. All her struggles, arguments, and even pleas seemed so pale and powerless in the face of Di Feisheng's devastating declaration.
He lost.
A complete defeat.
Not only was he unable to stop the sound of the flute, but even... he had completely deprived himself of the right to die because of this terrifyingly heavy love.
Di Feisheng watched his tears of despair, his heart aching as if being tortured by slow slicing. His sense of devastating violence was instantly replaced by immense panic. He suddenly clamped her tightly into his arms, gripping her so hard he threatened to crush her into his own flesh and blood. His voice was hoarse and broken, trembling slightly. "...Don't cry... Lianhua... Don't do this... I can't take it..."
He spoke incoherently and just kept repeating the actions of hugging and wiping away tears, as if this was the only way to confirm the existence of the person in his arms.
Li Lianhua let him hold her, her body cold and stiff, like a shell without a soul. Outside the window, the sky darkened, and dusk descended, engulfing the two people embracing in a thick shadow.
A man who becomes a demon for love and is willing to dye the rivers with blood.
One is disheartened and feels cold to the bone.
How far could this life, barely sustained with countless blood and threats, go? Between the two, there seemed only boundless despair, spreading silently in the silence.
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