Chapter 108 The holiday after the college entrance examination...
The holiday after the college entrance examination should be the most relaxing and brightest time of one's life.
But for Ye Yuying, life was like a silkworm cocoon wrapped in layers of cloth, and she was a dead insect inside, her world completely sealed off.
The day after the college entrance examination, she went to Qingzhou with Cheng Mingdu to sweep the tombs.
She later learned that her aunt had left in a hurry and had not made any arrangements for her funeral except for a pre-prepared portrait.
My aunt was married once when she was young, but the marriage lasted for three years before she divorced. She had no children and lived a simple and poor life. Her face was covered with wrinkles because she didn't take good care of herself, especially when she smiled.
When she was little, Ye Yuying always stared at her crow's feet, and felt that crow's feet were a real thing in her mind for the first time.
She may have thought that she would be cremated after her death, but in the end, it was Cheng Mingdu who bought the burial plot for her and handled her funeral arrangements in Qingzhou.
Cheng Mingdu... This person's relationship with his aunt was not even a casual acquaintance, and it could only be considered a perfunctory act of humanitarianism, but he still did it anyway.
Standing in front of the tombstone, Ye Yuying remained silent for a long time.
The portrait on the tombstone captures my aunt's gentlest smile; it's a photo of her when she was young, though the colors are somewhat distorted.
However, Ye Yuying believed it; her aunt was indeed a great beauty more than ten years ago.
She looked up and around, only to find that the cemetery was not as desolate and quiet as she had imagined.
The cemetery has good feng shui; the wind carries the scent of mountain forests and plants. The stone steps underfoot are neat and orderly, and the river to the east of the city is clearly visible in the distance. At night, one can probably see the lights of thousands of homes reflected in the neon lights.
Such cemeteries, like houses in good locations, are naturally quite valuable.
My aunt never experienced wealth or luxury in her entire life, yet she was able to rest peacefully in such a place with excellent feng shui, finding a dignified final resting place.
Ye Yuying's mind was in turmoil. Cheng Mingdu's kindness was tinged with a coldness, yet it felt heavy and profound.
The wind at the grave made her tears fall drop by drop.
She bit her lower lip, as if trying to suppress all the bitterness. At that moment, she knew clearly once again that, in some ways, she had no family left...
*
After visiting the graves, we returned to Chengdu that evening, driven by a driver.
Ye Yuying and Cheng Mingdu sat at opposite ends of the back seat, with a gap of air between them.
That night, she was in a daze in the quiet carriage, as if her body was taking back all her fatigue, retaliating by reclaiming the health she had prematurely depleted.
She was not conscious for more than a few minutes throughout the entire process; it seemed that her physical exhaustion was overshadowing the sadness in her heart.
When we arrived at Qizhi Xiaozhu, it was already midnight, and cicadas were chirping all over the lake.
She followed Cheng Mingdu in a daze, and the aunt came out of the house to open the door for them in the garden.
The moment she stepped through the door, she suddenly realized that Cheng Mingdu's figure was getting closer and closer to her, and the distance between them was shrinking faster and faster.
By the time she realized what was happening, it was too late; everything was completely shrouded in darkness.
He would most likely fall headfirst to the ground, or his body would simply slump at Cheng Mingdu's feet.
In any case, she fell seriously ill after that, even developing a high fever of 39 degrees Celsius.
After that day, she rarely cried uncontrollably; she mostly drowsily stayed in her room, rarely waking up during the day.
This is probably how the human body fights against certain emotions. She actually spent a whole half month in such a coma, and rarely even went downstairs.
She remembered many things, but it seemed she had forgotten how to shed tears.
At night, she often dreamed of her aunt. In her dream, her aunt was still as gentle as ever, not saying a word to her, just smiling at her, then turning around and disappearing into a gray mist.
The aunt would occasionally push the door open and come in, quietly changing towels and feeding medicine. Cheng Mingdu's figure would occasionally flash by at the door.
She didn't have the strength to speak to him, and could only sense his steady footsteps when she was half-conscious, occasionally pausing by her bedside.
That sense of presence felt like family, yet not quite family.
For half a month, her world was compressed to the size of a room, and time was blurred between the smell of medicine and sleep.
One morning, she woke up to a gust of cold wind. The curtains were half-drawn, the lake surface shimmered with the light of dawn, and the white gauze curtains by the window swayed gently in the breeze.
She then realized that she hadn't left her room for fifteen days.
Despite feeling weak and her legs aching, she still managed to sit up by supporting herself on the edge of the bed.
She sat by the bed for a long time until there was a soft knock at the door.
Cheng Mingdu pushed open the door and entered, carrying a bowl of steaming porridge.
He saw her finally sit up, pause almost imperceptibly, then place the bowl on the bedside table and say in a low voice, "Eat something light first."
Ye Yuying looked up at the lake through the gauze curtain, her voice so hoarse it was almost inaudible: "...I don't want to sleep anymore."
Cheng Mingdu lowered his eyes, paused for a moment, and said softly, "Then get up."
This sentence, like a rope that saves a cat, slowly pulls her out of her more than half a month of despair.
Lin Manyin returned from her hometown and, together with Zhou Yi, went out with Ye Yuying to relax. They talked about the future in a cold drink shop, discussing which city would have lower admission scores and which major would offer more stable employment.
Amidst the lively laughter, she listened silently, biting her straw.
The results of the college entrance examination and Lin Manyin's good news arrived at the same time.
This talented friend was admitted to the oil painting department of Beicheng Academy of Fine Arts with the highest score in his major.
Ye Yuying also achieved the highest score in history, ranking among the top in the province. As soon as the score was released, universities called to inquire about her application preferences.
Everyone around her was happy for her. Lin Manyin exclaimed, "Yuying, you are a miracle of this year! The highest score ever achieved by a special talent student entering the school. Any top university would be eager to take you, and you could even consider studying abroad."
Zhou Yi laughed and chimed in, "From now on, we'll have to rely on your connections."
She suddenly remembered her aunt's last words: "After you finish your exams, go and pursue what you love most."
Those grades, phone calls, and future opportunities, which others see as glory and hope, are like leaf shadows floating on water to her. The moment they arrive, she feels even more lost.
She knew she should strive for freedom and higher places, but with so many paths to take, which one should she choose?
Go north to study, or attend Jiaotong University nearby...
However, the time allotted for filling out college applications was so tight that she didn't even have time to think it over.
She ultimately chose the best university for science and engineering, accepting any possible placement, thinking it was like rolling dice—whichever landed first, she would go.
Her years of schooling were too rushed, so much so that she was forced to make a life-altering choice before she even knew where her career should lie.
She didn't know the meaning behind it.
This summer saw many people celebrate their coming-of-age ceremonies. Lin Manyin's ceremony took place at the tail end of summer, and Lin Zhiyan sent her a video blessing from overseas.
On the public screen, Ye Yuying looked up at that familiar face, whose temperament had changed dramatically in just two years.
...Lin Zhiyan has become better, not physically more handsome, but with a light in his eyes and a composed expression.
That evening, after cutting the cake, Lin Manyin solemnly announced to everyone, her eyes shining with excitement: "I've decided, I'll study in Hong Kong for a few years first, and then go to Italy for graduate school! I want to paint in Florence and go to Venice to see the Biennale."
When she spoke of the future, her tone was high-spirited, unafraid of the harsh realities, as if she were bathed in light.
Ye Yuying looked up at her, a desolate envy rising in her heart.
Both were eighteen years old in the summer. Her friends could talk about art and distant places, but she was pushed onto a vast plain, with roads in all directions, and flags waving on every road.
Having too many choices makes it seem like none of them truly belong to her.
It was past midnight when the party ended, and Cheng Mingdu came to pick her up in his car.
She saw the tall, slender figure in front of the car from afar, and the half-exposed fair wrist revealed by the unbuttoned cuff of his shirt. She quickly turned her gaze away.
She was about to call him "brother" when she found it inexplicably difficult to utter the term.
Once we got in the car, everything became quiet.
He glanced at him and asked, "You haven't been drinking?"
Ye Yuying answered truthfully: "Everyone who is over eighteen has drunk it, I... am still a few days short."
The night was silent. Cheng Mingdu smiled and started the car.
The carriage was so quiet that you could hear her increasingly heavy breathing.
Ye Yuying lowered her head and stroked the hem of her skirt, her fingers twisting the fabric as if she were stirring up the tightly knotted thoughts in her heart.
She finally mustered her courage, and her voice floated out softly, somewhat stiffly, as she began: "...Brother, after I grow up, should I leave everyone and live on my own?"
As soon as she finished speaking, even she was startled.
His kindness used to be everywhere, but now, upon closer reflection, it was indeed not his obligation. At that time, minors often had a layer of willful protection, which made her temporarily not think about who was actually paying for her life.
They are not related by blood, but how many years can a chance encounter without any blood relation ignite?
Cheng Mingdu's hands rested on the steering wheel, his knuckles slightly clenched, half his face was shrouded in the night, and he did not answer immediately.
Ye Yuying thought he hadn't heard her clearly, so she added softly, "I feel like... I always feel that I can't rely on others forever. Grandma is gone, Aunt is gone, there aren't so many things in this world that can be taken for granted, right? If I stay by your side, will I become a burden? Should I learn to... live alone?"
As she finished speaking, her voice became almost inaudible, as if she were afraid of actually summoning some kind of reality.
Cheng Mingdu slowly exhaled, his thin lips pressed into a line. Only after the car headlights swept across a straight road did he speak in a very soft and low voice: "Do you have an income? Can you support yourself?"
Ye Yuying was speechless for a moment, shook her head, and said hesitantly, "...But, in fact, you've been supporting me all these years."
Cheng Mingdu drove normally, his tone casual and unhurried.
He asked softly, "Do you have any extravagant spending habits?"
She said, "No."
He asked, "Can you afford to eat more than four figures every meal?"
She shook her head, after all, she really didn't eat much.
"So... can this be considered a burden? I don't need another pair of chopsticks from you, do I?"
That long-lost bittersweet feeling welled up again. After a long period of mental preparation, she slowly said, "...But you can decide whether I stay or leave, and...I can't give you anything in return for the time being."
If one day Cheng Mingdu asked her to go out and start her own business, she would not feel any resentment.
Those who control resources are like this: they can give everything, and they can also take everything away at any time.
As soon as she finished speaking, the carriage fell silent. After a long while, she felt a pang of regret, wondering if she had said something wrong.
After a long silence, he said in a low voice, "I've developed this habit over the years, let's just keep it going for now."
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