Chapter 28 Wasteland But, is there any hope for me?
Cheng Mingdu did not respond immediately.
He simply looked down at her, his expression unchanging, as cold and aloof as a white sculpture amidst the sound of rain.
The silence was like ink splashing into clear water, spreading little by little in the dampness, its diffusion irregular and somewhat alluring, making her feel a deep unease in her heart as she stood in that atmosphere.
His voice pierced her bones, waking her from her dream:
“You didn’t give up to be with your grandma; you felt you couldn’t take it anymore, right?”
Ye Yuying gritted her teeth, her eyes suddenly darting away.
He continued, his voice calm as if he were judging something, dissecting her thoughts like a sharp scalpel:
"You don't want to go back to Qingcheng, you want to retreat to the safe zone. You're afraid of failing, afraid of being laughed at, afraid that one day all your efforts will be in vain."
“You don’t understand my predicament…” she whispered, as if the last layer of protection had been torn away, her voice hoarse like shredded sheet of paper.
She didn't finish her sentence, feeling empty and weak inside. She could only bite her lower lip hard, her shoulders trembling slightly.
Cheng Mingdu stood still, his gaze softening inch by inch, like a windowpane frosted after rain, still letting in the light, but with an added layer of quiet pity.
"You think this is your life?" he finally asked.
Ye Yuying looked puzzled, not understanding why he used that tone.
This is clearly a settled matter, so why is he still asking questions?
"It's not just my opinion." She forced a smile, her dry lips resembling withered leaves, her young face somewhat haggard, and her eyes vacant. "It's how everyone on our side lives."
"I went out to work at sixteen, entered a factory at seventeen, and got married at eighteen." Her voice carried a dull numbness, and a sense of destiny that had already been decided.
"I'm lucky to have made it to junior high school." She paused, then said in an optimistic tone, "I'm almost done."
These words were spoken so lightly, as lightly as a floating leaf, without a name or surname, drifting towards unknown seas, where no one knows when they will be swallowed by the waves.
Cheng Mingdu frowned. His usually calm and composed face revealed an uncontrollable emotion for the first time after hearing these words.
He seemed about to say something, but then suddenly stopped.
"You're planning to follow this path to the end?" His voice pressed down on my ear, making me feel an inexplicable heaviness in the air.
Ye Yuying didn't respond. She couldn't quite put her finger on it either, because her life had already rotted away. Rather than waiting to die, she decided to withdraw and return to what she considered a safe territory.
She kept her head down, her eyelashes casting thin shadows in the rainy night light, and her shoulder moved slightly, whether from cold or stubbornness, it was hard to tell.
“It’s not impossible.” She spoke after a long pause, her voice so soft it seemed to be blown away by the wind. “Not everyone in this world needs lofty ideals.”
"It's not shameful that I can't leave Qingcheng. So many people live ordinary lives in small cities for generations..."
“You’re absolutely right,” Cheng Mingdu said slowly, his brows furrowing slightly. “Not everyone has to go out into the world.”
He paused for a moment, his voice growing deeper.
"Do you think that not studying just means missing out on a diploma? No, Ye Yuying, the real meaning is that when you stand in the face of the most difficult choice in your life, you will at least have the right to say 'no'."
He called her name slowly and deliberately, his tone so cold it was as if he wanted to dismiss all her excuses.
He took a step forward, his eyes sweeping over her like a cold wind: "Ye Yuying, you said you can live a life in a small city, that's true. But do you know how most uneducated girls live?"
“She will lose control of her life, lose her dignity, be unable to argue, reason, or even understand legal provisions. Even if she is betrayed, bullied, or belittled, she will be unable to stand up and fight back.”
"You think this is a peaceful life? This is slow suicide."
"You think you're very calm right now, but actually you haven't seen clearly what you're giving away."
“What you’re giving up isn’t grades or further education, but whether you can have choices in the future—whether you can say to yourself, ‘I don’t want to get married,’ ‘I don’t want to have children,’ ‘I don’t want to accept this salary,’ ‘I don’t want you to decide my life.’”
"Once you lose the right to choose, you'll find that you can't choose your job, your marriage, or whether or not to have children. You'll be trapped in a messy life, getting up at four in the morning every day to cook breakfast for someone who doesn't love you, and getting caught up in endless housework and arguments..."
“Back then, you had no education, no income, and no social support. In marriage and life, you were always at the bottom of the negotiating table, without even the right to resist.”
The side room was as quiet as if it had fallen into the deep sea—dull, suffocating, weightless…
The rain continued to fall, like an invisible hand, turning the prayer wheel with a tinkling sound, as if performing some sacred ritual.
Cheng Mingdu sighed, finally softening his tone, and added softly:
"You don't have to take this path, but you have to know that every step you take now is laying the foundation for your future self."
"You don't need to be number one in exams, you don't need to be anyone's pride, but you must at least maintain a bottom line—the ability to resist and the ability to choose."
"Reading is the only right you can win for yourself and hold onto without relying on anyone else."
At that moment, Ye Yuying stood still, her fingers unconsciously gripping the hem of her clothes, her young face partially obscured by her silver hair, and her lips trembling slightly.
She was horrified by the chilling and realistic descriptions.
But in her eyes, a glimmer of light seemed to quietly emerge from the stagnant, stifling water.
A glimmer of light, a flicker of resentment, a light that has been shattered.
Cheng Mingdu's gaze fell for the last time, calm and almost devoid of warmth, yet more deafening than any loud voice.
"The world never intended to teach you how to be a free girl."
"So you have to learn it yourself."
The moment the words were spoken, it was as if the air had been stripped of its oxygen, leaving only a chilling silence all around.
She stood there, as if she had been experiencing tinnitus for a long time.
Ye Yuying finally raised her head, her eyes still wet, but the numb coldness and stubbornness were slowly peeled away from her eyes inch by inch.
She didn't say anything.
But in her eyes, it was as if a spark of fire had broken through the stagnant water for the first time.
A glimmer of light, tinged with confusion and hesitation.
In that instant, she looked up and heard her own voice, distinctly tinged with loneliness and a subtle hope:
"But is there any hope for me?"
She turned her head blankly and looked at her unrecognizable self through the glass of the window, as if she were seeing a tattered rag riddled with holes. Could such a life really be repaired?
Cheng Mingdu looked at her.
It was a very deep gaze, as if it wanted to penetrate her whole being, using its eyes to bring out, little by little, the bitterness and hatred that were suppressed in her heart and expose them to the light.
After a long silence, he slowly spoke, his voice low and steady, like a divine intervention on the blue tiles:
Do you know why you wanted to ask, 'Is there any hope?'
"Because deep down, you still want to be saved one more time."
For a moment, she even forgot how to cry. She just stood there, her eyes slowly welling up with tears, like a drowning person who had struggled for too long finally seeing a bit of shore.
Cheng Mingdu took half a step forward, his voice low but firm:
"I'll only pull you up once now. Whether you can get ashore or not is up to you."
The rain is still falling.
Ye Yuying stood there, her breath trembling slightly, like a wild grass about to fall, whose back was briefly supported by a hand that stretched out in the wind.
"I'll try one last time."
Even if it's just once, it's worth it.
The fire in her eyes finally began to brighten little by little, and now, looking back through that light, she witnessed the wasteland in her heart.
*
When Ye Yuying went to school early in the morning, she looked at her hair in the mirror and felt a little regretful. It was as if if she went to school with such an unsightly appearance, no one would know whether she had really "turned over a new leaf".
She didn't know how Cheng Mingdu would help her, but for some reason, she firmly believed in that statement.
She passed the first two classes in the morning unharmed. While doing morning exercises on the playground, she saw Cheng Mingdu and the homeroom teacher walk out of the office.
She slowed down her exercise movements a bit.
The sunlight wasn't bright; a hazy mist enveloped the entire playground, making even breathing feel oppressive. She instinctively lowered her head further, her school uniform collar obscuring most of her face, but unable to hide the rapid beating of her heart.
She never imagined that Cheng Mingdu would come to the school in person.
That well-tailored and crisp trench coat stood out conspicuously next to the homeroom teacher, even from a great distance.
He walked unhurriedly down the corridor, listening to his homeroom teacher talking beside him, nodding politely from time to time, his back as straight as a tree.
The homeroom teacher, who usually had an unpleasant face, looking as gloomy as if he had just swallowed half a cup of vinegar, was surprisingly beaming with joy next to Cheng Mingdu today.
Ye Yuying stood at the back of the line, her eyes peering through the teaching building at the familiar yet distant figure in front of her. She did her exercises absentmindedly, her movements somewhat distorted.
—She could almost guess how the homeroom teacher would complain about her to Cheng Mingdu.
Someone who had nothing to do with her was now invited to the school because of her.
She instinctively felt that this would be a trial for her.
Just as she was lost in thought, Cheng Mingdu suddenly turned his head and looked in her direction from a distance of several dozen meters.
Their eyes met.
She was at a loss for what to do.
His gaze remained calm, without the disappointment, coldness, or anger she had imagined.
It was just as bland as water, with a touch of seriousness.
Ye Yuying couldn't guess what Cheng Mingdu had heard from that look, but seeing no resentment in his eyes, her tense nerves relaxed and her breathing slowed down.
The background music for the broadcast gymnastics continued to play, and everyone continued to mechanically raise their hands and step forward.
She stopped and stood still, as if frozen in time.
The next second, she suddenly broke through the crowd and ran towards the classroom office.
The homeroom teacher's voice was especially clear at the corner of the corridor.
"...Our school has always emphasized appearance and demeanor. Her hair is really not up to standard, her attitude towards learning is not correct, her grades have always been at the bottom, which greatly affects the college entrance rate, and she also has many disciplinary problems. We are not targeting her personally, but this time, parents really should cooperate in handling the matter."
Cheng Mingdu didn't speak immediately.
He glanced briefly at Ye Yuying, who stood at the corner, panting and looking anxious, before turning to the homeroom teacher and speaking in a calm yet clear voice:
“If students deviate from the rules, they need to be managed. I will pay more attention to this in the future.”
He spoke little, neither servile nor arrogant, and then sincerely said:
"She is willing to change, and I believe in her. Please, teacher, give her another chance."
Ye Yuying stood to the side, listening, her heart feeling as if something was slowly filling her up.
Someone helped her get back on her feet when she was at her lowest point.
She lowered her head, her eyes welling up with tears.
She felt a pang of unease, as if she could easily guess that this was perhaps one of the few times in Cheng Mingdu's life he had bowed his head to someone, and that it wasn't even for his own sake.
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Author's Note: 50 red envelopes [Cat emoji]
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