Chapter 33 Awkwardness: He is him, you are you.
After returning to school from the Qingming Festival holiday, Ye Yuying submitted a beautiful assignment for every subject.
Despite still making many mistakes, her transformation was evident to all. She almost instantly became a different person, shedding her previous bad pretense. Only her overly short hair made her still look like a tomboy.
Ge Jie and her group of friends relentlessly mocked and ridiculed her, spreading rumors that she cheated on her exams and that her mother was a mistress. She thought she could laugh it off, but every night when she was alone and facing her inner self in her diary, she still felt a deep pain in her heart.
Language is like a tiny blade in the wind; it never quite delivers a fatal blow. These wounds are so small they are almost invisible in the light, but when you wash your hands, you find that your whole body is burning with pain.
That was a crucial period of transition from childhood to adolescence. The girls were experiencing their first menstruation one after another. They would blush and talk to each other during breaks about the pain of menstrual cramps and the psychological discomfort caused by their physical characteristics.
Boys, on the other hand, face different symptoms during puberty, and sometimes they stumble when they open their mouths because their voices are too hoarse.
The relationship between boys and girls became particularly delicate after the Qingming Festival holiday. They seemed much more distant from each other than before, and their unrestrained speech became more restrained.
In biology class, the teacher responsibly explained the basics of reproduction, and everyone listened with blushing faces, not daring to even turn to the page with the colorful illustrations in class.
However, since the event of menarche was extremely shameful, it gradually became a tool for Ge Jie to bully others.
Ge Jie has always had a sharp tongue, especially since she knows what can embarrass someone the most. She won't say it directly in front of everyone—that would be too crude and inappropriate.
She was better at casually dropping words between desks or in the corners of the corridor, like throwing a piece of candy on the roadside, and seeing who steps on it becomes a "laughing stock".
That day, a girl in the class was on her period and accidentally left a faint stain on the chair.
Just as the break time signal was given, someone "casually" exclaimed from Ge Jie's side: "Oh dear, who's sitting here? The chair's dirty. It looks like... uh, something like that?"
Her gaze inadvertently swept over the girl, then over Ye Yuying.
The sound wasn't loud, but it felt like needles piercing into one's ears. The surrounding classmates remained silent on the surface, but secretly exchanged glances.
Ye Yuying felt a chill run down her spine upon hearing this.
Some girls in the class had the audacity to befriend Ye Yuying despite Ge Jie's threats, but they all encountered various difficulties.
Ge Jie is clever in this regard. She won't rush up to bully people like before because she is still somewhat wary of Ye Yuying's ruthlessness. However, she is very good at mocking people, without naming names, using the kind of sarcasm that most people are not comfortable with.
So that day, the air seemed to smell of blood, and everyone was on edge.
The girls secretly checked their skirts, while the boys began to whisper among themselves. One of them chuckled, "Can this even be wiped clean?"
The voice wasn't loud, but it was enough to ignite a fire in the already tense atmosphere.
Ye Yuying didn't move, but stared straight out the window, her gaze fixed on a distant rock, trying to think of a solution, but she came up empty-handed.
She could feel the sweat slowly seeping out from behind her ears; it was a feeling of extreme suppression, a feeling of her entire body skin tightening up.
In that instant, she understood Ge Jie's intention.
Anyone who tried to get close to her was considered "disobedient." In that moment when no one named her, she endured ridicule and shame without being able to resist, which made the junior high school classroom suffocating with silence again, making it extremely oppressive.
The girl hadn't actually dirtied the chair, but she didn't look up for the entire class and didn't dare say another word to Ye Yuying.
It seemed that anyone who got close to Ye Yuying would face misfortune in this class.
Some classmates were whispering that Ge Jie's recent behavior had become increasingly strange, largely because she hadn't won over Lin Zhiyan and had been thoroughly rejected.
Moreover, there's a "big brother" in society who's been pursuing her lately. He's in the same circle as Ninth Sister, which means Ge Jie has one more person backing her up, allowing her to act so recklessly...
On the day school ended, thick clouds gathered on the horizon, like a gray-white curtain pressing down.
Ye Yuying carried her schoolbag and didn't say a word the whole way. She didn't even glance at the playground that she usually avoided. Her silver hair and haphazard clothes were gone, and she had lost much of her sharpness. When she looked up at the sky, her eyes were clear and unobstructed.
She didn't know how she ended up at the entrance of Lincheng No.1 High School.
In her blank mind, unreal images would often appear. She knew this was the prelude to danger, but the more she tried to suppress it, the more rampant the monster in her heart became.
She tried to minimize her chance encounters with Cheng Mingdu, sometimes even taking a detour if she saw him from afar.
Logically speaking, Cheng Mingdu treated her well. Although he was a bit cold, he still solved many problems for her. She should have gotten along well with him.
But she could always sense a hidden danger in her heart, an indescribable danger that made her instinctively want to stay away from this feeling of panic, and the sensation of her heart bleeding when she was being stared at by his deep gaze...
The gate of a high school in Lincheng is right in front of us. The gray teaching building stands solemnly behind the high wall. On both sides of the gate are two tall metasequoia trees. When the spring breeze blows, the branches sway gently and make a soothing whispering sound.
She walked around to the side door, gripped the railing with one hand, and looked inside.
In reality, you can't see the specifics; you can only see desks piled high with books from a distance through the gaps in the corridor, and high school students in uniform entering and leaving the school gate.
Ye Yuying narrowed her eyes, imagining searching for a figure in the crowd that might never even appear.
I heard that the school gate and school uniform of Lincheng No.1 High School have not changed in ten years. It's hard to imagine what it was like when Cheng Mingdu wore the school uniform to enter and leave the school gate.
Did the students at Lincheng No. 1 High School at that time believe that this top student named Cheng Mingdu would have a brilliant and outstanding future...?
Ye Yuying leaned against the railing for a while, and her shoulders suddenly started to ache.
She took a deep breath, trying to suppress the increasingly heavy thoughts in her mind all at once.
But that overwhelming feeling, like the rising tide, spread to her throat, like terrifying black water about to gush out, carrying her most secret thoughts.
People come and go at the school gate, but no one notices her, a junior high school student whose clothes don't match the crowd. No one knows that in some corner of this city, a girl is trying her best to pull herself out of a chaotic quagmire.
"What are you doing here? Are you being sent to deliver something again?" A male voice unexpectedly rang out from not far away, with a slightly joking tone, but maintaining a proper distance.
Ye Yuying recognized who it was, slowly withdrew her gaze, her eyes not showing much surprise, and turned her head to look at Lin Zhiyan, who was holding a basketball.
"I heard you rejected Ge Jie completely?" Ye Yuying didn't answer that question directly, but instead raised a new one.
It was as if she had only fought with Ninth Sister for a few weeks during this chaotic period, and then missed out on these gratifying good things.
"Not really, I was just being a bit blunt. But I'm not good at leaving people with illusions or hopes. Just stop bothering me, that's better than anything else."
Lin Zhiyan switched the basketball to his other hand and stood in front of Ye Yuying, his eyes carrying a hint of teasing, yet strangely not off-putting.
Ye Yuying smiled slightly, the annoyance in her eyes seemed to be somewhat relieved by this sudden conversation. She said, "It's good, very satisfying, but... it has also made her even more ruthless lately."
Lin Zhiyan's ears twitched slightly as he keenly caught the key information: "She's up to her old tricks again? Wait, what happened to your hair? It looks like a dog chewed it."
Ye Yuying raised her hand and brushed her short hair aside. At this moment, in front of Lin Zhiyan, she had clearly experienced many exciting and dangerous scenes, but to Lin Zhiyan, these were all fleeting moments.
She shrugged and said casually, "It's nothing, I cut it myself, and I messed it up."
“She has been acting strangely lately.” Ye Yuying hesitated for a moment before finally speaking, her voice low. “It’s not just me; the few girls in the class who dare to talk to me have also started to avoid me. She acts like I’m some kind of plague, and anyone who gets close to me gets mocked.”
Lin Zhiyan's eyes froze, his gaze falling on the stray hairs on her forehead. A hint of speculation appeared in his eyes, and the temperature of his gaze dropped. "This kind of person, if you don't let her stumble, she'll always think she has the right to step on other people's heads."
“Hmm…” Ye Yuying responded in a deep voice.
Because she is indeed putting this into practice.
"Since you're not here to deliver anything, are you perhaps here to find someone?" Lin Zhiyan asked.
Well, you could say that. This is Cheng Mingdu's alma mater, a place where he spent a long time.
"No, I just came to absorb some of the academic aura of top students, hoping it might help me do better on the next exam."
Ye Yuying spoke insincerely, pretending to be relaxed.
“Rongcheng No. 1 High School isn’t that amazing. The whole world is a makeshift operation, and this place is no exception.” He chuckled as he spoke, his voice a little soft, as if he was unintentionally protecting her self-esteem.
After saying that, he added, "If you have any questions about your studies, you can also come to me."
Ye Yuying nodded and said nothing more. She took one last look at the iron gate, intending to end the conversation there, but her mouth acted before her mind.
"You mentioned last time who your idol in studies is, didn't you?" she asked, concealing her obvious question.
Lin Zhiyan didn't see through her, and answered without hesitation, "Cheng Mingdu?"
Ye Yuying nodded. "Have you studied his learning methods? Is he... very different from ordinary people?"
A sliver of sunlight peeked through the clouds, falling on Lin Zhiyan's hair and mingling with his thoughtful gaze as it met Ye Yuying's expectant and curious eyes.
"He is indeed quite different. But even if Cheng Shen's learning methods were made public, they wouldn't be of much reference value to ordinary people. His talent is too high, the kind that... might only appear once every thirty years in Chengdu. Coupled with the right methods, it's basically impossible to replicate."
He spoke calmly, but his tone revealed a hint of admiration, as if he were talking about a distant benchmark that he could neither reach nor feel any envy.
As Ye Yuying listened, her thoughts gradually calmed down, and she asked in confusion, "What else is special about him?"
She tried her best not to let her curiosity get too out of control, because from Lin Zhiyan's perspective, Cheng Mingdu was someone who only existed in other people's conversations.
"Special? Does being exceptionally handsome count as special? It's a pity I don't have any photos..." Lin Zhiyan seemed to be guessing the reason for her hesitation, and suddenly tilted his head to look at her.
“It’s okay, I’m not curious about what he looks like.” She said softly, “I’m not Cheng Mingdu, and I can never become him.”
“You don’t need to become him.” Lin Zhiyan looked directly at her. “He is him, and you are you. If you really want to imitate someone, you can only imitate a part of them, but your life won’t be written according to someone else’s script. You just need to be better than your past self, and that’s great.”
Ye Yuying looked up at him.
Lin Zhiyan seemed to sense the change in her eyes, and his tone suddenly softened, as if afraid of breaking this rare connection.
"Besides, you're fine the way you are now."
"What?" she raised an eyebrow.
"He can listen to people now, and he doesn't act like everyone owes him money anymore." He smiled. "Although his hair is a bit ugly, it saves time on washing, which is good for studying."
Ye Yuying merely curled the corners of her mouth without retaliating; she could discern the good or evil in a person's tone of voice.
A glint in her eyes caught a familiar figure passing by the alley entrance, seemingly having been watching them from afar for a long time.
She recognized the departing figure as a member of the "sisterhood," and a sense of foreboding flashed through her mind.
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Author's Note: 50 red envelopes [Cat emoji]
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