Chapter 77 Embracing You: I've Missed You So Much for Eight Years
Upon hearing her words, Cheng Mingdu's already taut jawline seemed to freeze into a perfect sculpture on his face.
Uncontrollably, a fleeting thought flashed through his mind: that night, downstairs at her apartment building, the words that had lit up on her phone screen.
—【Echo】：Aying, you must be tired after a long day…
He also remembered her casual, distant lie.
"Everyone has their own plans for the Chinese New Year."
The reason she was so eager to push him back into the safe position of "brother" was...
Is it because, over the past few years, someone else has quietly entered her heart?
Out of moral constraints, he could only be the older brother.
This realization, like the most vicious, invisible worm, burrowed into the cracks of his heart, and then, slowly and steadily, began to gnaw at the place where only her image remained.
Why is Ye Yuying, who provoked him years ago, now rejecting him?
He wanted to refuse.
Every single cell in his body, still clamoring with possessiveness, was screaming wildly, rejecting her.
He wanted to ask her, who is that person named "Echo"? Who is that person who can call her "Aying"? What gives him the right to have his own plans so easily when you need someone by your side the most?
But he couldn't.
He looked at her, at her expectant eyes that awaited his answer. In those eyes, there was pleading, vulnerability, and also a resolute determination that if he didn't agree, she would immediately and completely disappear from his sight.
He knew that this was the last and only condition she could give for staying by his side.
He had never lost before, but now he was utterly defeated.
From the moment she left without saying goodbye eight years ago, the name Ye Yuying had already caused him to lose himself in the only gamble of his life.
After a long while, he finally managed to squeeze out a single, incredibly hoarse word from his throat, as if it were a stone that would scatter in the wind.
"……good."
"If you think this will make you feel better."
From that New Year's Eve, defined by both fireworks and farewell, before their broken relationship could be mended, they truly returned to being "brother and sister."
“It’s late,” he said, turning away from her without looking at her again, his voice unusually calm and weary. “Go downstairs.”
That day, Cheng Mingdu helped her back as usual. They were silent the whole way. The frost was heavy in the middle of the night, and she was afraid of the cold, so her teeth chattered.
Cheng Mingdu helped her wrap her coat tighter, and she suddenly realized that since they had returned to the sibling relationship, she no longer seemed to feel that strong sense of shame and rejection towards their interactions.
Back in the white house, they said goodnight to each other.
Ye Yuying wanted to get used to being called "brother," so she added "brother" after "goodnight."
Cheng Mingdu was slightly taken aback, then nodded, his lips curving upwards slightly, but his emotions were not enthusiastic.
She looked at Cheng Mingdu, at his tall, forlorn back.
Finally, I repeated it to myself one last time.
"...Goodnight, brother."
*
The next day, the first day of the Lunar New Year, Cheng Yiling and Ye Yuying made dumplings together in the traditional Chinese kitchen of the old house, a place filled with the warmth of everyday life.
Ye Yuying wrapped it very well. She would naturally look at him with a deep, now somewhat uniquely serious expression, even as her hands were covered in flour:
"Brother, do you think my wrapping is pretty good?"
Whenever this happened, Cheng Mingdu seemed to take a while to come to his senses, his brows furrowing slightly.
But he wouldn't show it on his face. He would simply nod and answer her in the calmest tone, "Yes, it's fine."
It's as if they really are siblings, but they're still getting used to each other.
In the afternoon, they sat together in the living room, keeping the old man company as he watched a rebroadcast of the Spring Festival Gala.
Cheng Yiling inadvertently mentioned Cheng Jianian, who spent the Lunar New Year with Jiang Xinxue at the rehabilitation center this year.
The old man stared calmly at the television screen, his face expressionless, and continued speaking in a completely emotionless manner:
“I’ve said it before, Jianian will never amount to anything in his life. He may seem shrewd, but he’s too soft-hearted at heart.”
Sooner or later, I'll fall for love.
Upon hearing this, Cheng Mingdu's hand, which was resting on his side, paused almost imperceptibly.
Ye Yuying was even more so, she forgot to breathe.
Seeing Ye Yuying's shocked and bewildered expression, Cheng Yiling couldn't bear it any longer. She walked to Ye Yuying's side and, in a very soft and comforting voice, offered the gentlest explanation for her father's harsh words.
"Yuying, don't take it to heart. Grandpa... he just feels sorry for your Uncle Cheng."
Ye Yuying understood and nodded without any hint of sarcasm.
Four years ago, Jiang Xinxue's mother's condition worsened significantly.
Cheng Jianian resigned from all his positions on the board of directors, dismissed all his secretaries and assistants, and moved into a private sanatorium alone with Jiang Xinxue.
She had always believed that her mother, Jiang Xinxue, after marrying into the Cheng family, had simply moved to another, more luxurious cage. She had also always believed that Cheng Jianian, her nominal stepfather, was just as cold and pragmatic as everyone else in the Cheng family.
But she never knew.
It turns out that the man actually gave up the entire Cheng family empire for his mother, who had long since gone mad and was even filled with instinctive disgust for her own child.
What a profound... and what a crazy love this is!
She subconsciously looked up at the profile of the person sitting silently in the distance.
Will he end up like his father...?
If that's the case, then her sin is grave.
On the television, there were lively song and dance performances, and a dazzling stage.
But Ye Yuying seemed somewhat distracted while watching.
She found that the skits that used to make her laugh out loud had now become utterly boring.
Those stages that she once found incredibly dazzling are now nothing but empty, superficial noise.
Now Cheng Mingdu is sitting right next to her, seemingly within reach, but she feels as if all that's left in her heart is ashes.
When that forbidden, bittersweet love was forcibly replaced by safe and bright familial affection, everything seemed to lose its original magic.
However, she no longer felt any worry; instead, she was better able to face the fact that she was disabled...
After watching for a short while, the old man got tired and left first, while Cheng Yiling had already gone out.
The only sounds in the living room were the television and the two of them, who remained silent.
"What's so different about being an elder brother?"
Before she knew it, Cheng Mingdu had already sat down beside her. Looking at her somewhat lost profile, he asked in a very soft voice, as if afraid of disturbing her.
Ye Yuying stared at the prosperous red glow on the television screen, remained silent for a long time, and then slowly answered:
“Brother,” she said, her voice as soft as a sigh, “makes me feel very safe right now.”
"This identity allows me to seek a little bit of insignificant comfort from you with a clear conscience."
The unspoken second half of her sentence was—
The identity of "lover" only made her too afraid of losing him to show even a trace of weakness.
As Cheng Mingdu listened to her words, the bitterness that had long existed in his heart deepened even further.
He wondered if, in her heart, his existence was now reduced to nothing more than comfort and reliance.
He is truly no different from his elder brother.
She gave all her love to the person in this world who still had the privilege of calling her "Aying".
But she reserved the safest and most stable place, belonging to family, for him.
That evening, the two of them returned to Qizhi Xiaozhu, as if they felt more at ease there.
This place, which once held all their taboos and joys, has now become somewhat awkward and oppressive because of their new "brother-sister" relationship.
That night, they stayed at Qizhi Xiaozhu and found some old DVDs, which they played on a projector.
They all appeared to be quietly and attentively watching the movie, but Ye Yuying's mind was in turmoil, filled with some alluring images.
She secretly glanced at Cheng Mingdu to see if he was equally focused.
Seeing that he was completely focused, she figured he must be concentrating.
She glanced at him briefly, and then drowsiness washed over her in an overwhelming sense of warmth and security.
She clearly reminded herself to stay awake before falling asleep, so as not to drool in her sleep and be seen by others. But when she regained consciousness, she found herself wrapped in a cashmere blanket by Cheng Mingdu, who leaned slightly forward as if he wanted to carry her back to the room.
Half-asleep, she naturally reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck. The movement was loose and without any complicated meaning, but she still felt Cheng Mingdu pause for a moment.
He carried her back to the room, but her hands did not loosen their grip on his neck.
“…Ye Yuying.” Cheng Mingdu couldn’t straighten up, so he could only maintain this somewhat intimate position, being half-embraced by her, and whispered a reminder, his breath brushing against her neck.
That warm breath, like the softest feather, ignited her already hazy, half-awake consciousness.
Perhaps it was drowsiness that numbed her senses, but her feelings of loss and sadness suddenly welled up inside her.
She didn't let go.
On the contrary, her thin arms, which were wrapped around his neck, tightened even more unconsciously.
This is an almost instinctive, childlike gesture of seeking warmth and shelter.
Cheng Mingdu's body froze completely.
She nestled in the crook of his neck, softly calling his name in a muffled, nasal murmur.
"……elder brother."
In her dream, she was finally free from the cold, heartbreaking rules she herself had set for herself.
She simply buried her face even deeper into the vetiver-scented crevice of her neck, just as she had done countless times in the dead of night at Qizhi Xiaozhu.
Then, in a voice almost pleading, somewhat humble, and tinged with tears, she whispered:
"...Hug me."
"...No one has hugged me in eight years."
"I...miss you so much..." These last words brought her to tears, filled with unspeakable regret.
Cheng Mingdu felt that his heart, which had already been tormented and riddled with holes by her, was completely shattered the moment he heard those words.
He thought to himself, "I'm really going crazy."
Only then would he agree to her ridiculous "brother-sister" agreement.
During the day, she used her clearest sense of reason to keep her distance from him.
In the dead of night, in her vulnerable half-awake state, she asked him for a hug that she should never have had.
Ye Yuying, what exactly do you want me to do?
At this moment, the strings of reason in his heart were finally stretched and broken little by little.
He should have pushed her away.
It seems inappropriate from both a personal and rational perspective, even though they are still siblings and have never been this intimate.
Now, the question remains: who set the rules of the game?
He examined his own heart and couldn't help but feel a deep sense of disgust.
He was clear-headed, clear-headed, and diligent in his actions... but he didn't do even half of it.
Then, he raised his arms, which had been trembling from suppressing his emotions, and finally, slowly, placed them on her back.
He pulled her into a tight embrace again.
This embrace was devoid of any lust or intimacy.
It is simply filled with endless, heartbreaking sadness and unspeakable tenderness.
Like two lonely birds, separated for too long and wounded in a storm, finally found each other on a cold, dark night. Then, with their last bit of strength, they clumsily snuggled together, drawing each other's meager warmth.
He held her in his arms for a long, long time.
Until, the small, frail body in her arms, the muscles that had been slightly tense with anxiety, finally, completely relaxed. Her breathing became steady and long.
In his embrace, which was eight years overdue, she finally fell asleep peacefully.
Cheng Mingdu slowly lowered her hand from his neck, got up, and covered her with the blanket.
He sat on the edge of the bed, quietly watching her pale sleeping face, her brows still tightly furrowed, in the dim light of the distant New Year's lights outside the window.
Then, he turned and left.
*
On the first day after the Spring Festival, the sky over Chengdu cleared up completely.
Ye Yuying stood alone under the veranda of Qizhi Xiaozhu. She looked at the distant lake, whose surface, after being frozen for a whole winter, was finally rippling with waves from the spring breeze.
She thought, "Winter is finally over."
Spring has arrived.
She finally got her wish and kept him by her side.
Use the safest, longest-lasting, and most... regrettable way.
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Author's Note: 50
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