Chapter 104. After Zhang Mingdu returned to China, Rong...
After Cheng Mingdu returned to China, the autumn of that year in Chengdu seemed to be the most beautiful autumn in Ye Yuying's memory. Mist swirled on the river surface, which was emitting a chill, like a thin veil or a spider web, making the whole city of Chengdu feel cool and damp, hanging layer by layer on the horizon.
The lights in the Cheng family's backyard were always turned on very early, and his schedule was also arranged very strictly by the family: he would go to the company for shift work during the day, and return to his study to review materials at night. Occasionally, he would walk to the end of the corridor and look through the long window at the attic light that was still on.
He no longer messages her as frequently as before, and occasionally he only sends a greeting.
She would occasionally go to the kitchen to get something to eat in the middle of the night, but after Cheng Mingdu adjusted to the time difference, he would also seem to go to get something to drink. However, most of the time they could not meet, because Cheng Mingdu would always be busy in the study until late at night.
It wasn't until later, after his idea was put into practice, that Ye Yuying learned that Cheng Mingdu had been planning his entrepreneurial project since his school days, building his own team, developing his own technology and algorithms, and doing path planning.
As Ye Yuying grew older, she sometimes felt a little guilty when looking at Cheng Mingdu. As those inexplicable feelings deepened, she dared to look at him openly from an angle where he couldn't see her.
She began to develop the habit of writing a diary, locking away her richer and more dangerous emotions in another place.
After finishing writing, she felt redeemed.
The diary looked like an ordinary notebook, but she had written two words on the cover: "Tea Solitude".
I hope to find spiritual liberation through Zen.
*
In the second half of the first semester of senior year, rumors suddenly started circulating at school.
"These past two days, someone was ambushed and beaten in the woods. They said it was someone from another class, but the school doesn't allow this to be spread."
"Isn't No. 1 High School supposed to have the best student quality? When did this rabble of a bunch of idiots get mixed in?"
"I heard it was a woman who did it."
Who is it?
"I don't know, this kind of scandal must have been suppressed."
"Who is most likely?"
Just then, Ye Yuying, who had just come out of the teachers' building to answer questions with her back straight, happened to pass by everyone's line of sight.
She felt the gazes from those around her, but was somewhat uncertain. When she turned around, she found everything was normal.
But the hairy feeling on her back made her very uncomfortable.
As the story continued to circulate, Ye Yuying didn't know the specifics and didn't care about gossip, but the gazes fixed on her became more and more intense.
During free time in PE class, everyone was having a lively discussion when Ye Yuying went over to ask what had happened.
When everyone turned around and saw her approaching, they scurried away as if avoiding a plague.
A girl who wasn't familiar with Ye Yuying mustered up her courage and asked, "Yuying, I heard you used to be the leader of Laishan Middle School?"
Upon hearing this, everyone tensed up. The person next to her tugged at her sleeve and whispered a reminder. The others looked at this brave woman who had taken the initiative to ask the question with admiration, while also feeling a chill for her for standing up for herself.
Ye Yuying paused, her gaze lingering on the other person's face for a moment. At that instant, the air seemed to be cut off, the surrounding laughter and noise suddenly contracted, leaving behind a strange, sticky feeling.
Just as she was about to speak, memories of those three years flooded her mind, and she didn't know where to begin.
Lin Manyin walked over quickly, took her arm, and said casually, "Don't talk nonsense. What boss or not, you've been watching too many TV dramas."
Lin Manyin walked over quickly, took her arm, and said casually, "Don't talk nonsense. What boss or not, you've been watching too many TV dramas."
Zhou Yi slammed the basketball against the wall and lowered his voice: "They're spreading rumors outside, ignore them. Anyone with guts would have called the police already."
The questioner raised his voice without backing down: "Whether I'm making this up or not, you can ask her yourself and you'll know."
The room fell silent for a moment, broken only by a few dry laughs. But even after Ye Yuying and Lin Manyin had walked away, whispers still lingered behind them: "See, she doesn't deny it."
"Yes, the way she looks at people is terrifying..."
Ye Yuying heard it clearly, but she didn't stop walking.
She did not explain.
Explanations are most futile at times like these.
There are always so many moments in life when language fails to serve its purpose.
Lin Manyin held her hand: "Don't take the path through the grove on your way home recently. Take a detour. It's not safe there."
Rumors always violate the facts first, and then invade people's hearts.
This time, Ye Yuying wasn't as panicked as before. She studied methodically, maintained stable grades, and even improved her ranking in each monthly exam. She answered classroom questions actively and clearly. After school, she would go to the playground as usual, do some light exercise, and then continue her studies.
But rumors are like the tide, receding for a while only to reappear in another.
At this crucial juncture in her senior year of high school, Ye Yuying didn't want to escalate the incident, even though she eventually proved her innocence in the struggle, she had already wasted her time.
Zhou Yi couldn't stand it anymore and slammed his fist on the table in front of everyone: "If you've really seen them, call the police. If you haven't, shut up."
Lin Manyin also sent a long message in the class group, her tone unusually firm: "Don't take hearsay as clues. It's almost time for the college entrance exam, let people study properly."
Soon, the grade group held a small meeting and announced: the assault incident has been investigated and found to be related to off-campus youths, and has nothing to do with students on campus; the person who spread the rumors will be given a demerit.
However, the comments did not end there. Some people even posted some posts from the old Laishan Middle School forum, including photos of Ge Jie beating someone outside the school and Ye Yuying's blurry figure standing behind the crowd.
Although no photos show her as the bully, it cannot be denied that as a bystander, she was still an accomplice.
After those blurry photos were posted, they became known to almost everyone in the entire grade within just two days.
Some people whispered behind her back, "Look, she really was a gangster back in the day."
"Standing at the back of the crowd, they must be part of the group too."
"As expected, she doesn't deserve to be called a top science student; she's all bark and no bite."
Rumors were like sharp claws, tearing open the shadows she had carefully buried.
Lin Manyin was so angry that she cried: "Yuying, do you want to go to the teacher and explain things clearly? I didn't see you in junior high, but I know you didn't hurt anyone during high school."
The next morning during self-study, she stood on the podium, backlit by the morning light, and began to speak in a steady tone.
"Sorry to take up everyone's time, but recently someone has been sharing my old junior high school photos in the group."
The classroom fell silent instantly.
“I don’t deny that I was there, and the person standing behind the bully in the photo is indeed me.” She glanced at the crowd, her tone neither humble nor arrogant, “But I stood there not because I was the perpetrator, but because I was also one of those being controlled at that time.”
“I was beaten and bullied because I refused to participate in the bullying. The only way I could protect myself was to be a careful bystander.”
“I rebelled twice. The last time, it left a scar on the corner of my left eye, which is still clearly visible now.”
“Laishan Middle School has a history of school bullies and rampant violence. When I realized that reasoning with them would only worsen my situation, I finally chose to use my fists, because those who don’t understand human language only obey fists.”
“I finally defeated the previous school bully, and in theory I should have been the new school bully, which I did. But I can guarantee that after me, there will be no more bullying at Laishan Middle School, and that is still the case now.”
"That's all I have to say. If you don't believe me, take bus number 11 at the school gate and go to Laishan Middle School to verify it yourself."
This sentence stunned everyone.
Her tone revealed a maturity beyond her years:
"So if you still want to define me based on a few blurry photos, then go ahead. But I won't stop here."
"I've paid too high a price along the way. I can't call myself a hard worker. I relied on a bit of luck, but nothing can stop me from going to university and seeing a wider world. Cherish the educational resources and class advantages that you are so proud of. Don't just follow the crowd. Open your eyes and look at this land under your feet. How many scars have been buried here? How many people have to step on mountains of corpses and seas of blood to reach the starting point that others can easily reach?"
That day after school, the sunlight was so bright that it shook the ginkgo leaves, turning the ground into a golden carpet.
The sky was ablaze with vibrant colors, and the wind finally died down.
After a battle, my cheeks always feel a little sore from the wind.
At night, she suddenly couldn't sleep, so she took out her phone, but didn't want to call and bother her aunt.
She waited until the next morning, figuring out that the nurses would be making their rounds, before finally making the call.
"Aying?" Aunt's voice was soft, but slightly breathless. "What's wrong so early in the morning?"
She paused for a moment, then immediately lowered her voice: "It's nothing, Auntie, I just...missed you."
"How's school?"
"Yes, everything is fine. My grades are steadily improving, and there are still more than six months left. Maybe I can break into the top 20 in the grade. If I'm lucky, maybe... I can really go to a school that I never dared to dream of before."
She actually had a lot to say: about the sound of the wind in the grove, about her daily life being stared at, and about the dark history from junior high school that she could never wash away.
But her aunt had some difficulty speaking, so she changed her approach, swallowed her words, opened WeChat, and sent one message after another.
"The sun is shining brightly today."
"I've memorized the template for my German essay, but my tutor said that relying solely on the template won't get me a more satisfactory score, so I need to work harder."
"I tend to rush when doing problems, and sometimes I make mistakes out of nowhere."
“I didn’t cause any trouble. Although there are arrogant people here, their malice towards me is limited and won’t cause any real harm.”
She typed out the words, and her aunt would reply to her when she had time.
Sometimes, Auntie would reply, "Aying, I see the crabapple blossoms on the balcony."
The replies weren't always timely; sometimes it took an hour, sometimes an entire night, but every single one of them managed to calm her down from her emotional turmoil.
Gradually, those messages, long and short, became the thin ropes that carried her through the storms and the sea of exam questions. As long as she held on, she wouldn't fall.
Once, her aunt sent her a photo of a newly sprouted branch outside the window, covered in tender green leaves.
Auntie said, "Look, Aying, the magnolia flowers are blooming all over the windowsill..."
Ye Yuying clicked on the photo, zoomed in, and looked at it for a long time. She felt that the air was dry and cold, and it was not yet the season for magnolias. How could magnolias bloom on the branches?
She lowered her head and typed: "Yes, it's really beautiful."
She knew she was feeling a pang of sadness that she shouldn't reveal to a patient. Right now, she felt she had already hidden her feelings to the limit. She tried her best to avoid being in the same room with Cheng Mingdu, because she knew that if she wasn't careful, she wouldn't be able to hide them anymore.
My heart is heavy with unresolved sorrow, and I can only occasionally write something down late at night—those thoughts that I can't tell anyone but the moon.
The winter of my senior year of high school was particularly tough.
*
After the rumors were clarified, she ranked among the top in the entire grade in the monthly exam for science subjects, and also got a near-perfect score on her German essay.
The homeroom teacher mentioned her name during the review class, but didn't praise her much, only saying, "Have a stable performance, there's still time."
In the second month of the second semester of senior year, the spring breeze made the backyard shine. Someone came to repair the attic, the fresh scent of sawdust mingling with the crisp sound of nails being hammered into the beams. Jiang Xinxue passed by and went upstairs to lend a hand—Old Mrs. Cheng had said last time that she was cold to people, and she remembered that; she had to change.
Ye Yuying's door was opened. These workers were all professional and would not take or rummage through anything in the room.
However, a notebook titled "Tea Silence" came into Jiang Xinxue's view. She thought the notebook was nothing special and didn't know what "Tea Silence" meant. She just thought the name was strangely quiet.
I should have just thrown it back, but I was bored while watching.
She opened it as if possessed...
The paper made a very faint rustling sound, like a thin layer of ice breaking on a thin line.
Her fingers tightened and then loosened, a fleeting shadow crossed her eyes, and her lips slowly tightened.
She didn't take the notebook away, and sneered inwardly.
If this page falls into someone's hands, at best it will be considered "poor upbringing," at worst...
Jiang Xinxue stood at the door, glanced back at the book "Tea Silence," a faint shadow flickering in her eyes, before turning away and composed herself.
The spring light was so bright that it illuminated every speck of dust in the attic. Everything was in its place, quiet, respectable, and upright.
However, Ye Yuying felt that the atmosphere was extremely heavy today, pressing down on her head and making it hard to breathe.
At 10:30 p.m., she took a picture of her vocabulary flashcards for the day and sent it to her aunt.
Before going to bed, she turned to a blank page in "Tea Solitude" as usual.
After hesitating for a long time, and making sure that these words wouldn't be discovered, I wrote them down:
Finally, you're one step closer to growing up, but you've already been grown up for many years...
She closed the notebook and pressed it to the bottom of the pile of books.
The wind outside the window pushed aside a piece of cloud, and the moon was like a quiet mirror.
She turned off the light, and in the darkness, her phone lit up again.
Aunt: "Goodnight."
She replied, "Good night."
With a gentle tap of my finger, the screen went out, and the surroundings were so quiet I could hear my own heartbeat. That heartbeat was like a small drum, beating and beating, into the long, bright night of my senior year of high school.
The lights in the hallway outside were on, and the night inside the house was as quiet as ever. But Ye Yuying felt that the air tonight was strangely heavy, as if someone had gently touched her world and left an undercurrent in a corner she was unaware of.
-----------------------
The author's note: The good news is that I've finished my exams. The bad news is that I have another one next week, and I have to memorize over a thousand pages of PPT slides... I'll let you know if I don't make it in time. But this is the last exam of my master's program. Once I get through September, everything will be fine!
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