Chapter 18 Snow Kiss
Those two lines of dialogue left on the public message board were like a layer of sugar coating, carefully covering the silence between the two.
They continued working and talking as usual, even paying more attention to the boundaries of "normal interaction" than ever before, for fear that the slightest transgression would disrupt this delicate balance.
However, the more one tries to avoid it, the clearer that undercurrent of attraction becomes. A casual glance, a hand that touches and then quickly separates, is like a pebble thrown into the center of a lake, creating ripples on the surface.
The date of parting is like a countdown hanging over Shi Banxia's head, silently hinting at separation and amplifying the bittersweetness and preciousness of every moment spent together.
That day, as planned, Ji Rendong needed to go to an observation point to collect data and perform equipment maintenance. Shi Banxia naturally followed to take pictures.
Ji Rendong drove the snowmobile, with Shi Banxia sitting in the passenger seat. Outside the window was an endless white world.
The two remained silent throughout the journey.
Shi Banxia secretly glanced at Ji Rendong, thinking that this was the second to last time she went on a mission with her, and her heart felt like it was being blown by the cold wind of the icy plain outside the window.
Ji Rendong could always catch glimpses of Shi Banxia's quiet profile out of the corner of his eye, and the hesitant look in her eyes when she occasionally glanced at him.
The mission went relatively smoothly, but on the return trip, the weather suddenly changed. Light gray clouds pressed down, the wind picked up, whipping up the snow that pelted against the car windows, and visibility rapidly decreased.
"Oh no, we've encountered a blizzard." Ji Rendong frowned and tried to start the vehicle, but the blizzard came on suddenly and fiercely, making driving too risky. "We can't go any further. Let's go to the supply station to take shelter."
The so-called supply station was actually a simple shelter left behind by early scientific expedition members. The space was extremely small, only able to accommodate two or three people, and it stored basic food, water and fuel.
Braving the fierce wind, the two struggled to reach the door of the hut. Ji Rendong forcefully pulled open the door, which was frozen stiff by the ice and snow, and a stale, musty, and metallic smell of air rushed out.
Shi Banxia followed Ji Rendong into the space, which was less than four square meters in size. The door slammed shut behind them, instantly shutting them out of the world, leaving only the howling cold wind buzzing in their ears.
Darkness almost instantly engulfed them.
Ji Rendong groped around and found the emergency light hanging on the wall. He pressed the switch, and a dim yellow light came on, barely illuminating the space.
The walls were made of metal and covered in frost, making the entire space feel oppressive and suffocating.
Ji Rendong immediately checked the communication equipment. The station chief told them that it was a localized small storm, not very strong, but it would last for several hours. He told them to wait patiently and stay in touch.
Shi Banxia subconsciously looked at Ji Rendong. She knew that Ji Rendong had mild claustrophobia, and she was worried that Ji Rendong would feel uncomfortable in this completely enclosed and dark moment.
Shi Banxia noticed that Ji Rendong was sitting in the corner with her head down, her breathing was a little disordered, her face was a little pale, and her fingers were unconsciously clenching the hem of her clothes.
Shi Banxia sat down next to her, hugged her knees, and asked softly, "Sister Rendong, are you alright?"
Ji Rendong turned her head to meet Shi Banxia's eyes, which were full of concern.
In those eyes, Ji Rendong saw his own reflection, and also undisguised worry.
Ji Rendong could feel Shi Banxia's warmth beside her. Strangely, in this environment that should have triggered her anxiety, because Shi Banxia was there, her fear seemed to be restrained by another emotion.
—It was a feeling of wanting to rely on someone, wanting to get closer.
"It's nothing." Ji Rendong rested his head on Shi Banxia's shoulder, a faint smile even appearing on his lips.
Shi Banxia felt Ji Rendong's soft hair brush against her cheek, and her heart skipped a beat. After hesitating for a moment, she reached out and gently took Ji Rendong's hand. Her face flushed slightly. "Hmm, that's good..."
In the cramped space, the two held hands and nestled close together, so close that they could feel each other's body temperature and hear each other's soft breathing.
Ji Rendong recalled what she had written on the message board; it was an impulse, but also the truth. Summer in the Arctic is short, but because of this girl's existence, it became real and tangible.
But summer will eventually pass, and the migratory birds will eventually fly away.
Every unconscious approach and act of care felt like a crack being carved into the wall of her heart, making Ji Rendong crave this warmth while fearing the harsh winter that would follow Shi Banxia's departure.
Shi Banxia's heart was also filled with emotion. She looked down at Ji Rendong's trembling eyelashes and slightly red earlobes. She also recalled the kiss on her forehead, the subtle yet heartwarming response on the message board, and Ji Rendong's silent tenderness when cooking noodles.
A bittersweet feeling welled up in her heart again, making it hard for Shi Banxia to breathe.
Ji Rendong could feel that gaze, so intense that she couldn't ignore it. She dared not look up, afraid that if she met Shi Banxia's eyes, the composure she had painstakingly maintained would crumble again.
She knew Shi Banxia's thoughts and was also aware of her own wavering.
But then what?
After a brief moment of warmth came a longer separation and longing. Ji Rendong was used to being the one in control and protecting others, but she didn't know how to handle her own feelings.
Shi Banxia reached out and gently tucked Ji Rendong's wind-blown hair behind her ear. Her voice was soft and trembling slightly, "Sister Rendong..."
Ji Rendong finally couldn't help but raise his head.
Their eyes met. The dim light cast indistinct shadows on their faces, yet clearly reflected the turbulent emotions surging within them—restraint, longing, hesitation, and a shared reluctance to part.
An impulse, a mixture of love and the sorrow of parting, snapped the string of reason at that moment.
Suddenly, Shi Banxia lowered her head and very lightly and quickly pressed her lips to Ji Rendong's lips.
It wasn't a formal kiss; it was more like a bittersweet, desperate attempt, carrying all of Shi Banxia's reluctance and courage.
The moment their lips touched, they both trembled slightly. Outside the window, a blizzard cut them off from the world; inside, their body temperatures soared and their hearts pounded uncontrollably.
Instantly separate.
The soft touch on the lips is fleeting, like snowflakes falling on the skin, leaving only a burning sensation after the initial coolness.
Shi Banxia abruptly stepped back, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. She couldn't believe she had actually done it.
Shi Banxia's cheeks flushed, her eyes darted around in a panic, and her heart was overwhelmed by immense anxiety and embarrassment.
"I...I'm sorry..." Shi Banxia apologized subconsciously, lowering her head and not daring to look at Ji Rendong again—she was afraid to see surprise or even disgust in Ji Rendong's eyes, and she subconsciously wanted to run away.
Before Shi Banxia could completely back away, Ji Rendong reached out and gently cupped her cheeks instead of pushing her away.
Ji Rendong's fingertips were slightly cool, with a barely perceptible tremor, but her movements carried a firm yet gentle quality, preventing Shi Banxia from escaping.
Shi Banxia looked up in surprise and met Ji Rendong's eyes.
It no longer contained the usual coldness and restraint, but rather surged with waves that stirred Shi Banxia's heart—there was struggle, reluctance, and a tender pain she had never seen before.
"Banxia..." Ji Rendong's voice was low and hoarse, and this soft call made Shi Banxia's heart tremble.
Ji Rendong closed her eyes and gently and tenderly returned the kiss.
This time, it was no longer a hasty trial.
Ji Rendong's lips gently touched Shi Banxia's lips. She didn't go any further, just stayed there, lingering and feeling the softness of each other's lips and the rapidly rising temperature.
Shi Banxia felt Ji Rendong's hand supporting her cheek, his fingertips trembling slightly.
Overwhelmed by a bittersweet mix of emotions, Shi Banxia no longer hesitated, awkwardly and clumsily responding to the tender kiss, savoring this belated and fleeting warmth.
In the cramped space, only the intertwined, ambiguous breathing of the two remained, along with the howling of the wind and snow outside the window.
They could clearly feel each other's heartbeats, one after another, striking heavily in the silence. Between their lips and teeth, there was unspeakable tenderness, and also an indescribable sorrow of parting.
After a long while, Ji Rendong finally opened a small gap. Their eyes were moist, covered with a thin layer of water. Their noses touched gently, and their breaths mingled.
Ren Dong did not immediately let go of Shi Banxia's cheeks; her forehead remained lightly pressed against Shi Banxia's, her eyes closed, as if drawing on the last bit of courage, or as if prolonging this stolen moment of tenderness.
Shi Banxia could feel the slight trembling of Ji Rendong's fingertips, which traveled through her skin and into her heart, stirring up a wave of sorrow.
Ji Rendong gently stroked Shi Banxia's cheek, the gesture filled with unprecedented tenderness, and when she spoke, her voice was gentle:
"Perhaps I'm the one who should apologize..."
Shi Banxia's heart clenched suddenly. She wanted to say something, but Ji Rendong stopped her with a look.
“Banxia,” Ji Rendong continued, each word carefully chosen, “that message…and…just now…I know everything.”
Ji Rendong paused for a moment, then continued, "Summer in the Arctic is very short, as short as a dream. Thank you... for making this summer in the polar night so real."
Her admission was more heartbreaking for Shi Banxia than any other words.
This is not a promise, but a prelude to farewell.
“Sister Rendong…” Shi Banxia’s voice was choked with sobs. She mustered her courage and grasped Ji Rendong’s hand that was resting on her cheek.
"I...I don't want to just pass by..." These words were uttered with almost all her strength, carrying a desperate plea.
“Banxia,” Ji Rendong interrupted her softly, squeezing Shi Banxia’s hand tightly in return, “You have your path, and I have mine. The Arctic is your adventure, but it’s my daily routine…”
"A brief encounter is wonderful, but if we forcibly change course... none of us know where we'll end up, and perhaps all the beauty of this moment will be wasted in the end."
She spoke rationally, even calmly, but Shi Banxia could feel a slight tremor in her palm.
Shi Banxia knew that Ji Rendong was right. Her world was in the warm south, in the bustling city, while Ji Rendong seemed to be rooted in this icy plain.
They are like seasonal migratory and resident birds, meeting during the short summer but unable to migrate together.
"I understand." Shi Banxia lowered her head, tears finally falling and landing on their clasped hands. "I just... can't help but think 'what if'."
“Sister Rendong…” Shi Banxia sniffed, trying to keep her voice from trembling too much, “Let’s just think of it as… a beautiful dream before the end of the journey, okay?”
She looked at Ji Rendong with pleading and resignation in her eyes.
"For these last few days... can we... please not wake up?"
Looking at the girl's tearful face, Ji Rendong felt as if his heart was being tightly gripped by an invisible hand, aching and throbbing with pain.
She reached out and gently wiped away the tear stains on Shi Banxia's face with her fingertips, a gesture so tender it was heartbreaking.
"Mmm." Ji Rendong responded softly, her voice carrying a resigned helplessness and an unspeakable tenderness, "Before the snow stops...before you say goodbye..."
"We... will not wake up for now."
It's like a secret agreement, a lie with a time limit.
They tacitly chose to escape, to escape the inevitable ending, and to cling to the false intimacy of these last few days.
The stationmaster's voice came through the communicator, informing them that the snowstorm was subsiding and they could prepare to return home.
Ji Rendong let go of Shi Banxia's hand first. She straightened Shi Banxia's scarf, took a deep breath, and tried to regain her usual composure: "Alright, we should go back now."
Shi Banxia looked at her, her eyes red-rimmed, but she forced a smile: "Yes, let's go back."
The door was pushed open, and the wind and snow, carrying a chill, rushed in, dispelling the ambiguous and tender atmosphere inside the room.
They walked into the still white world one after the other, as if everything that had just happened was just a dream in an extreme environment.
But the lingering warmth on their lips and the clear bitterness in their hearts reminded them—some things, once they've happened, are gone forever…
They will never forget…
A note from the author:
We kissed, but why does it still hurt...?
Mommy's heart aches so much as she writes this...
The timeline is that Xiaxia has been at the research station for seven weeks now, and she will have to part ways with Dongdong in the eighth week…
P.S.: Hahaha, Xiaxia thought this was her first kiss, but actually, Dongdong stole her first kiss when she was drunk!
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