Chapter 155: A whole lot of emotional buildup, all foreshadowed, was laid out for her. ...
With the arrival of summer, the sun was no longer gentle; its blazing heat was like a relentless simmering fire, slowly roasting and stewing the water, which shimmered and sparkled. After days of intense sun, the deck was so hot it could bake a pancake, and apart from a few boatmen occasionally walking around on it, hardly anyone lingered there.
Aside from avoiding direct sunlight, the cabin wasn't much better; the whole ship felt like a steamer in a sweltering pot, unbearably hot and stuffy.
The people on the passenger ship changed into their thinnest shirts, or loosened their collars, and huddled in their private cabins, their chests and bellies exposed.
Most ordinary people who couldn't afford a single cabin had to huddle together under the cabin roof, sweating profusely and emitting a pungent odor. Occasionally, a breeze would blow across the water, but it was an exceptionally cloying, hot wind.
Everyone grabbed palm-leaf fans, handkerchiefs, and straw hats to fan themselves, but they were still sweating profusely from the heat.
When Bai Yuan woke up, half of his shoulder was numb, from being pressed down by someone.
The cabin was already cramped and narrow, and it was really crowded for two long-armed and long-legged people to sleep on a bamboo mat.
As soon as Bai Yuan's numb shoulders moved, Zhou Yaren took advantage of the situation and pressed herself against her neck and shoulders, murmuring, "Bai Yuan, it's hot."
Bai Yuan: "...So they're using me to cool off in the summer."
Zhou Yaren, with the cool white plaster covering his body, felt the heat within him subside. He couldn't help but raise the corners of his mouth: "Let me use it for a bit."
Bai Yuan: "..."
She felt cold but didn't notice, yet seeing that Zhou Yaren showed no sign of letting go, she asked, "Is it really that hot?"
"Hmm." He tried to summon the wind, but the wind was also hot and humid, and he broke out in a thin sweat. Fortunately, Bai Yuan was with him, trapped in this stuffy and cramped space. "This year is a scorching summer."
The boat wasn't large, so you could hear people on the other side of the wall complaining about the heat and how it was a sweltering summer.
He held Bai Yuan tightly, saying, "Maybe the boat has been rocking on the water the whole time, and I've been feeling a bit out of it these past few days. It's like time has suddenly slowed down. I've been sleeping and waking up, and I've been thinking about so many things."
Bai Yuan asked, "What were you thinking about?"
"Thinking of A Zhaosu, He Yan, Guan Lan... the life and death they went through, and then my own fate. If you hadn't come back then, and I had died at the Three Gates Perilous Pass, would I have been able to live again? In this life I was blind, and in the next life I was reborn, would I still be blind?"
After a brief recollection, Bai Yuan gave a plausible answer: "I see that you were castrated in your previous life, but you haven't been left with any hidden ailments after being reborn."
Zhou Yaren stared at her blankly for a moment before suddenly realizing what kind of lewd words Bai Yuan had said.
"You..." Zhou Yaren suddenly sat up, stammering, "I..."
Seeing his reaction, Bai Yuan couldn't help but laugh.
Zhou Yaren stared at the smile that reached deep into her eyes, which seemed to contain a hint of suspicious mischief: "Are you kidding me?!"
"Hmm." Bai Yuan shook his head and said, "I'm not kidding you, it really happened."
"What did I do?" I was castrated!
“You did nothing,” Bai Yuan said, “you’re just making a false accusation.”
That's good, he suddenly thought: "I haven't had anyone else, have I?"
Bai Yuan hadn't expected him to bring up this issue: "You're asking me?"
"Um."
Bai Yuan said, "Who should I ask?"
"Don't you know?"
Bai Yuan shook her head. She had only seen the tragic scene of his wrongful death, but had never seen anything about his life except for his injustice.
“However,” Bai Yuan said, judging from the fact that no one cared about him even after his death, and that he didn’t seem to care about any woman until his death, “you probably didn’t enjoy any romantic encounters.”
Upon hearing this, Zhou Yaren was at a loss for words, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
"Why are you asking that?" Bai Yuan pinched his chin. "Disappointed?"
"I'm not disappointed. On the contrary, I'm glad that I've never been entangled with anyone. I've never loved anyone except you."
Bai Yuan was stunned, not expecting Zhou Yaren to say such a thing so casually. She subconsciously loosened her grip on Zhou Yaren's chin.
Strictly speaking, they were suspicious of each other from the very beginning. Even after they went through life and death together, they were used to hiding their feelings and avoiding the important issues. They had never been so honest in expressing their feelings to each other. As for love, Bai Yuan found it nauseating and couldn't bring himself to say it.
Sometimes, love is just there, visible and tangible, and doesn't necessarily need to be spoken aloud.
Zhou Yaren leaned over and hugged Bai Yuan. Having survived a near-death experience, he was determined to be open and honest with Bai Yuan: "I have struggled and struggled in the mortal world, and have gone through countless hardships and dangers. Although I have nothing to show for myself, I was innocent and pure when I was with you. Do I deserve you?"
Bai Yuan felt a tightness in his chest upon hearing this, because his words were so heartbreaking: "What do you mean by 'worthy' or 'unworthy'? What kind of question is that?"
Zhou Yaren said, "I am not capable enough and I am blind, so it is understandable that you look down on me."
Bai Yuan: "..." What are you talking about?
Bai Yuan: "When did I say I looked down on you?"
How could I not have mentioned it? She really has a bad memory.
Zhou Yaren continued to adopt a humble attitude, belittling herself as she said, "I know I am nothing special, and I will never overstep your bounds and act on my own in the future."
Bai Yuan: "…………" Why does this sound so familiar?
After laying the groundwork emotionally, I'm waiting for her here.
This blind man may seem humble and subservient, but he is by no means a meek and obedient person. He will seize any opportunity to use his methods against her and then take every chance to stab her in the back.
You think he's being romantic with you, but he's actually playing mind games. He'll first compromise, then get his revenge in full, making sure he doesn't suffer in silence.
"But I still want to know," Zhou Yaren continued, still harboring resentment, "what am I to you?"
Bai Yuanqi laughed: "I say, you're so cunning, aren't you?"
Yes, an embroidery needle.
However, Zhou Yaren remained unmoved, staring intently at her.
Seeing that the other party was taking it seriously, Bai Yuan had no choice but to face it head-on, so he asked in return, "What do you think?"
Zhou Yaren refused to allow anyone to evade the issue: "I want to hear you tell me yourself."
Putting things this way is essentially coercion.
Perhaps Bai Yuan hadn't prepared beforehand, or perhaps she had never thought about it; for a moment, she didn't know how to answer.
During her prolonged silence, Zhou Yaren experienced a long period of anxiety, bitterness, and sadness. Just as she was about to utter the words, "Just to comfort me," Bai Yuan finally spoke.
Even though Bai Yuan lived a long life, she spent most of it "eating and waiting to die" in prison. She never met a devoted lover who would die a peaceful death, so she naturally didn't hear many decent love words. How so? She was ignorant and inexperienced. When it came to the crucial moment when she needed to talk about romance, she was really short of the love words in her heart that could be used.
He thoroughly investigated the injustice done to the innocent, but hesitated several times before speaking, fearing that his words might not resonate with the people and could cause discord.
"I was just saying that out of anger, can't you tell?"
You could tell, but he still had an unspeakable sadness, a lingering resentment that he couldn't let go of.
Bai Yuan said, "I thought some things didn't have to be said. If you insist on hearing them, then it means that I have no one else by my side but you."
On her way to the perilous Sanmen Pass, the thought of not being able to save the people in time made her heart sink as if she couldn't live, as if she were about to fall into the yellow earth, preferably buried with those bones, so that everyone could be happy.
Bai Yuan asked, "Who do you think you are?"
Zhou Yaren suddenly froze: "Does that mean whatever I say goes?"
Bai Yuan laughed and readily agreed, "It's up to you."
Zhou Yaren was speechless for a moment because of this treatment.
Bai Yuan was truly helpless: "In the future, can you just say what you want to say directly? Don't beat around the bush and deliberately try to put me down by belittling yourself."
Xiao Xinzi had been holding onto the grievances he suffered because of the perilous Sanmen Pass. He would occasionally bring them up and gnaw on them. Because he was in the wrong, he didn't dare to argue with Bai Yuan with a straight face. So he could only keep his anger inside and suffer in silence for countless times. Now, he finally found an outlet.
“I have never loved anyone else, and I can’t handle my own emotions.” He believes he wasn’t so narrow-minded before, but he changed after being wronged. “Back then, you wouldn’t even look at me twice.”
He even went so far as to argue with Bai Yuan over a mere glance.
Bai Yuan: "..."
She was stunned for a moment, then remembered: "Back then... I was just seeing you upset."
"Did I upset you?"
"Tell me what kind of mess you've made by keeping quiet..." Bai Yuan saw his appearance, with an unhealed wound on his cheek, but it didn't affect his good looks at all. So she swallowed the words "Who wouldn't be angry if they had this problem?" She wasn't going to argue with this blind man, but he just had to come and provoke her. "Fine."
It's not like looking at him a few more times will give you more flesh, so Bai Yuan simply turned that face towards him: "Can I make it up to you now?"
"What...?" Zhou Yaren was caught off guard by her stare and turned her face away uncomfortably.
Bai Yuan said, "You don't want to show it to me anymore?"
No way, how could that be?!
Bai Yuan chuckled at his awkward and uncomfortable demeanor, but his face was so pleasing to the eye that a few more glances were enough to soothe his anger. It was just that Zhou Yaren's personality was too delicate and sensitive; he kept everything to himself.
Even though he knew that Bai Yuan was just saying things in anger, he still couldn't help feeling stifled and uncomfortable.
Bai Yuan turned that face back to face, touched the corner of his chapped mouth with his fingertips, and said in a gentle tone that sounded somewhat like a coaxing man: "Your lips are dry, do you want some water?"
Zhou Yaren raised her eyelids, and indeed felt a dry mouth: "Drink."
Bai Yuan turned around to pick up the teapot on the table and poured a full cup.
The relentless heat baked the cabin relentlessly. Zhou Yaren said, "Let's drink something cold."
Bai Yuan raised the corners of his mouth, and the tea handed to him quickly frosted over: "It's cold."
Zhou Yaren tilted his head back and drank it all in one gulp. The chilled tea was refreshing. He put down the empty cup, which was now completely empty, and leaned over Bai Yuan...
He's not so magnanimous as to be wronged; now he wants to get his revenge in another way.
Her black hair was tangled on the bed, and Bai Yuan made room for him to meet her lips as he pressed against hers.
She raised her hand to wipe away a drop of sweat from Zhou Yaren's temple, releasing a cool breeze that slowly replaced the stifling heat inside the cabin.
The passenger ship was crowded and noisy, not a quiet place. Because of these considerations, Zhou Yaren suppressed wave after wave of restless thoughts. But now, as he held the moist lips and tongue in his mouth, the fire in his body could no longer be suppressed.
"Innocent," having tasted the sweetness of love for the first time, Zhou Yaren was inevitably consumed by longing. She had suffered greatly, and the composure she had maintained for days crumbled in an instant. "I want to do it."
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