Chapter 72: Being a Human Being “Pianpian, but I still want to be a human being. …
The newly planted flowers and plants in the courtyard had already sprouted green leaves by late spring. Two years later, in the depths of winter, the courtyard was blanketed in snow, and the chill wind snuffed out the autumn flowers. Though the vegetation was sparse, the courtyard felt less desolate, for other flowers broke through the snow. In one corner of the courtyard, plum blossoms and phalaenopsis orchids competed for beauty. The fallen snow piled thicker and thicker on the plum branches, and as the branches trembled, the snow flakes drifted into the air like silver flakes.
Zhu Hao opened the closet and calculated his outfit for today. She glanced around and saw the snow-blue robe he had worn before in the corner. The expression on Zhu Hao's face froze obviously. When her fingertips touched the surface of the robe, a chill ran through her heart.
In a blink of an eye, it had been five years since he left home. The falling snow outside weighed heavily on her heart. Zhu Hao searched her mind for every little detail related to him, and suddenly realized that the corners of his eyes and eyebrows had been gradually blurred by the passing of five years. Zhu Hao laughed to herself, but she was still alive. Her existence meant that Song Xieqing was still safe. As long as the two of them were safe, even if they could not see each other...
Zhu Haomu stood in front of the closet, and only picked up her scattered souls one by one when Miaoli knocked on the door and urged her.
She let out a short sigh. Although she could still live her life without him by her side, every time Zhu Hao saw something related to him, she would lose her mind. It was time to find some free time to put Song Xieqing's things back in place one by one.
Zhu Hao picked up a plain cloak at random. She was no longer trapped by old things, but walked to the dressing table to tie her hair into a bun. Except for a wooden hairpin, there was no other decoration on her bun.
She pushed open the door, greeted Xiaoxue, and boarded the carriage with Miaoli, heading for the Shi family.
When the two arrived, the mourning at the Shi family had already ended. Because Shi Yu was a teacher in a local academy and had countless students, the Shi family's house was already crowded with mourners. Shi Chunsheng, wearing only a thin mourning dress, stood at the door to greet the guests. His lips were cracked and slightly open. Finally, he just smiled indifferently at Zhu Hao. Zhu Hao knew that he was busy, so he said no more and only advised him not to torture himself. After all, it was cold and he should put on more clothes. Then he and Miaoli went into the Shi family to pay tribute to Shi Yu.
Once you get older, the most difficult thing for you is the biting cold wind of mid-winter, and Shi Yu is no exception.
…
After the funeral banquet, piles of footprints were left on the thick snow in the outer courtyard of the Shi family's house. Outside the window, the wind and snow started again, covering most of the snow.
Shi Chunsheng was still wearing the same thin clothes, his earlobes and lips were bruised and purple. Zhu Haoren knew that although he looked submissive, he was actually very stubborn. She stopped trying to persuade him, but picked up a piece of broken wood and fanned the fire between them.
The two sat opposite each other in silence. Through the window, they could see a few mourners still lingering in the outer courtyard of the Shi family's home. Most of them were Shi Yu's former students. Zhu Hao withdrew his gaze and his eyes fell on Shi Chunsheng. He saw that he was looking at the ground with his head down, motionless. Zhu Hao didn't know how to comfort him for a moment.
After a long while, there was a crackle of sparks. Zhu Hao handed him a cup of hot tea and asked him, "When will you return to Beijing?"
Shi Chunsheng finally looked up, his eyes blank, and he said dully, "The end of the month."
Zhu Hao nodded. Seeing that he was stunned and motionless, his energy and spirit drained by Shi Yu's departure, she pushed the cup of hot tea towards him again and again, "If Mr. Shi were here, he wouldn't be able to bear to see you like this."
"Pianpian, I really don't understand." Shi Chunsheng's eyes were bloodshot. "He was clearly seriously ill, but he kept hiding it from me. If I hadn't accidentally learned from my cousin two years ago that he was ill, I would have thought it was ridiculous when I heard the news of his death a few days ago."
"Ten days ago, I learned that his old illness had worsened. When I rushed back, I couldn't even see him for the last time. Just like two years ago, when he was bedridden, I, as his son and grandson, couldn't fulfill my filial duty by his bedside. I only learned of Fang Lian's serious illness from others." He said in a low voice, "If he had told me earlier this time, I wouldn't have to see him for the last time..."
"Chunsheng." Zhu Hao stood up, half bent over, and patted his thin shoulder. "Two years ago... the teacher didn't mean to hide it from you. He was just worried that you would miss the exam. Originally, I thought, we can talk about it after the exam."
Two years ago, Shi Chunsheng was a second-class Jinshi, just one step away from the first-class. He still remembered that two years ago, he rushed home day and night, and when he opened the familiar door, Shi Yu was lying on the sickbed and scolding his cousin beside him.
"If my cousin hadn't told me, I don't know how long he would have kept it a secret from me." Shi Chunsheng clenched his fists. Thinking of the barrage of questions Shi Yu would give him when he returned home, his chest felt like it was being pressed by a piece of ice, a sharp pain. "He blamed me for being useless and not making any progress. I clearly did what he wanted and took the exam as scheduled, but he blamed my failure to get the first place on my cousin telling me about his illness..."
The three people in the first class are all talented and learned people. He feels inferior to them. Why does his grandfather always force him like this?
"Chunsheng, if it were you on the sickbed, would you be willing to cause your teacher to worry?" Zhu Hao sighed softly, his expression complicated. "Before Elder Shi passed away, he was still in good spirits. I think... he felt a lot of resentment towards you and your cousin because of what happened two years ago. Who could have known that this critical illness would come so suddenly that even your teacher was not prepared."
"You probably don't know that a few years ago, Mr. Shi's illness improved a little. He went out with a cane and praised his grandson's success in the imperial examination to everyone he met. Even the big yellow dog lying at the village entrance was caught by him and nagged." The white banners outside the window swirled in the wind and snow. Zhu Hao said solemnly, "Chunsheng, you have always been the teacher's pride."
Due to a hidden illness inherited from his family in his childhood, he had long since given up on any ambitions for fame and fortune. After all, he would eventually return to earth, so why dwell on it? But when he returned to his studies, the light of his youth had long since faded.
Since he was young, he has been indifferent to what will happen after his death. He has neglected his studies and also missed the opportunity to talk about love with the young lady he likes. Some things have been buried in his heart for too long. But when Shi Chunsheng picked up the volume and reread it, he would always miss the wild spirit when he was a child and was called supernatural. When he saw her, the emotions deep in his heart trembled like the branches of flowers.
Shi Chunsheng had made up his mind that he would never express his love for her in his lifetime.
But that person had been gone for five years. Because he failed in the test, he realized that opportunities are fleeting.
Shi Chunsheng stared at the young lady sitting opposite him. His lips moved, but he couldn't utter a word. Even if that person was not there, how could he be worthy and how could he dare?
Zhu Hao took in his hesitation. After a moment's thought, she said gently, "The waterway is probably frozen solid. Do we have to travel overland this time? We're passing by Zhu's house. If you have time, you might as well stay at my place. Miaoli made a lot of fruit the other day, and we're worried we won't be able to finish it all. You'd be hard on the road, so you might as well bring some to warm your stomach."
He nodded slowly and said "OK". Shi Chunsheng opened his mouth to speak, but saw Zhu Hao stretching his neck to look out. He stood up and looked in the direction he was looking. Under the gradually darkening sky, the students who came to the Shi family to pay their respects dispersed towards the gate one by one. At the foot of the doorstep, a green figure stopped. The man had an upright posture, and his back was as straight as a pine tree on a cliff. Only half of his angular jaw was exposed. At first glance, he looked like an old acquaintance.
Suddenly, the hot tea rolled to the side. It turned out that Zhu Hao got up too hastily and accidentally swept the cup down with her skirt. She had no time to pick it up, and she threw the cloak on the clothes rack behind her, and just followed the green shadow.
Shi Chunsheng squatted down to pick up the teacup, and his fingertips trembled violently when they touched the warm tea.
When Zhu Hao was about to return to Zhu's house, she just turned the street and saw Shi Chunsheng standing in front of her house. There was a thin layer of snow between his eyebrows and temples. He held her white cloak tightly in his arms, but he was still in thin mourning clothes. Zhu Hao trotted forward. Shi Chunsheng heard the sound and looked over. He took a few steps to her and saw that Zhu Hao's half-loose hair was condensed with ice crystals, her cheeks were red from the cold, and her body swayed in the wind. He knew how the chase ended.
Since he was going home alone, he probably recognized the wrong person.
When they saw each other in a mess, they smiled.
Shi Chunsheng shook off the snowflakes on his cloak and was about to drape it over Zhu Hao's shoulders when he paused and simply handed it back to her. Shi Chunsheng chuckled at the sight of her chasing after the green shadow. "Pianpian, when I left the city, even the Golden Crow was napping in the mountain crevices. I'd rather not come to your house and stay for a while, so as not to disturb you."
"Would you like to go inside and have a bowl of hot soup to warm yourself up?" Zhu Hao raised her eyes and saw that he smiled but did not answer. She suddenly understood. She thanked him and asked why he had come all the way to deliver clothes. Finally, she said, "Since you are busy, let's do it another day. There is still a lot of time to come."
…
The snow in Huaicheng has stopped, and the snow on the long street has long been swept away, leaving only a thin layer of ice on the bluestone slabs.
On this day, the whole city was draped in mourning clothes, and mourning banners hung down along the streets, stretching as far as the eye could see. When the wind blew, the trailing mourning banners were torn apart like the howling of ghosts.
One hundred years ago today, the Dara cavalry broke into the city. Their boiling blood melted the ice on the ground, and wherever the cavalry stepped, blood-soaked ice splattered everywhere.
The people of Huai would mourn together on this day, but what they hated was not the small tribal country that broke into the city a hundred years ago, nor was it Wen Minyu who colluded with them. They didn't even know the truth about the massacre of the people of Huai, but they had a common enemy - Song Lang.
Whenever that happened, Zhu Hao would prepare his voice a few days in advance. Whenever he saw a group of people gathered together, he would go to join in the fun. If he heard people scolding Song Xieqing or making false accusations against him, Zhu Hao would roll up his sleeves and argue with them.
On the bank of the Huai River Pavilion, Huai people gathered in groups of three or four. Zhu Hao, wearing a fang-toothed and green-faced man, blended in with them.
Aunt Zhang slapped her thigh and said angrily, "Oh! Have you heard about what happened to Brother Wang's family on West Street? I just passed by his door and saw him crying so hard! Every word was heartbreaking! It's said that when Song Lang massacred the city, your ancestor wielded an axe to meet the Qing army and Song Lang's personal soldiers, chopping down more than a dozen people! He protected his entire family! And alas! He collapsed in a pool of blood and couldn't get up! Now the news has spread all over the place! Everyone says Uncle Wang is a descendant of loyalty and bravery! Some rich people are even giving him money and plaques!"
Before the crowd could sigh, Zhu Hao, wearing a fanged, green mask, clapped his hands. She exclaimed in amazement, "Oh my god? What? His ancestor, armed with nothing but a blunt axe for chopping wood, was able to take down over ten armored soldiers?! This...this is not even human!"
"It's absolutely true! It was just him! He killed someone with just an axe..." The words stopped abruptly. The worshipful expressions of the Huai people watching turned into suspicion. Aunt Zhang came to her senses and pointed at Zhu Hao, stamping her feet and saying, "How can you talk like that, little girl? Can such a loyal and heroic story be faked? Oh, I get it..."
She looked Zhu Hao up and down. "You are Miss Zhu, right? What kind of magic potion did that fallen immortal give you? Is it worth it for you to repeatedly offend everyone? Do you think that just because the fallen immortal accepted your bouquet once, you really think you are the immortal's bride?"
Everyone burst into laughter upon hearing this. Zhu Hao, realizing his identity had been exposed, simply removed his fangs and said casually, "Ah, that's wrong. Didn't you all call me 'the star of disaster' all those years ago? What happened in the end? Am I a star of disaster?"
Everyone was speechless. Because of the "disaster star" incident, Zhu Hao had been ignored and bullied many times in the past. For a moment, they were too embarrassed to say anything back. Zhu Hao saw the opportunity and said, "Look, a few years ago, people could still confuse right and wrong, let alone a case that went on for a hundred years and still remains unsolved?"
At this time, an old man intervened and said, "Come on! Shopkeeper Zhu and the others are going to bring out that excuse again, saying that it wasn't the Qing army or Song Lang who massacred the Huai people, but someone you've never heard of... Dara? That's all nonsense!"
Someone in the crowd immediately echoed, "Yes! If it's really as you say, then weren't our ancestors spreading rumors?! Humph, just the fact that Song Lang murdered his brother and slaughtered the people proves he's inhumane! He's not even worthy of being an animal!"
Zhu Hao suppressed his anger and responded with a smile, "Yes, Song Lang is not worthy of being a human being, so he became a god."
Everyone was silenced once again. Seeing this, Zhu Hao's anger disappeared. She put on her fang-shaped mask and planned to move to another place. However, after she had walked through three streets, she could still hear the sound of footsteps behind her.
Zhu Hao paused, and he also stopped. The wind chimes on the eaves hummed softly in the wind. She heard the man say, "Pian Pian, but I still want to be humane."
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