21 "She once also wished in a mean way that she would never leave"
Anxiety and uneasiness mixed with the cold wind took turns attacking Tao Wanjia.
She was as cautious as a thief, paying close attention to her surroundings with every step she took on the way back.
This long-awaited emotional upheaval brought her back to reporting on the mining disaster in Xijiang two years ago. Back then, she and Pei Qiang were working undercover separately, one as a worker and the other helping out in the cafeteria. With little free time, interviews were almost impossible. She could only try every possible means to elicit information, exercising extreme caution, but her identity was still exposed.
Invited to the office, the boss, wearing a brown leather jacket and carrying a bulging handbag, entered the room, smoking a cigarette while looking her over. Finally, he pulled out a few gold bars wrapped in newspaper from his bag. A bright glint of light in the dimness.
"Shall we talk?"
The man smiled at her in the smoke and threatened: "If you are willing to help, I will give it to you. If not, it will hit you on the head. Think about it carefully."
When doing research, you're bound to encounter all sorts of monsters and demons. Old Pei initially thought she wasn't a girl who could persevere for so long, but over time, he came to admire her. On the train before leaving Xijiang, he praised her, "How come you're so fearless, girl?"
She laughed and said she was the reincarnation of Sun Wukong, but in fact, she was also afraid sometimes.
In the past, she was able to charge into battle because there was no one behind her. No one knew her background and no one could threaten her.
But now, Tao Wanjia regretted it more than ever. She shouldn't have come back.
After thinking all night, Tao Wanjia booked his ticket and started packing his luggage early the next morning.
She didn't have many clothes, and after packing all the odds and ends there was still some room left in the suitcase. These young people were used to packing up and leaving at a moment's notice, but just as she was about to close the suitcase she heard a slight noise outside the door.
Through the peephole, she saw Huang Zheng and Mai Xiang standing at the door. She lowered the handle to open it. Mai Xiang smiled and said Happy New Year to her, "Xiao Tao, your friend looks just like you. I could tell they were from outside the complex at a glance, isn't that amazing?"
Huang Zheng was still immersed in the happiness of having reconciled with Tao Wanjia, and did not notice in time that her expression was completely different from yesterday.
Tao Wanjia responded to Mai Xiang briefly and closed the door. She didn't ask Huang Zheng why she knew the address. She knew in her heart that it must be He Yu.
But there was no time to think about these things now, so he turned around and went into the house, taking out a bank card from his wallet.
"Here is 500,000, the password is 010129"
Huang Zheng was surprised and didn't understand what she meant for a moment. She subconsciously asked, "Where did you get so much money?"
“I saved it.”
Her salary, royalties, bonuses, and other miscellaneous income were all added together. Her salary wasn't what it used to be, and if she hadn't often had to pay out of pocket as an undercover agent, she could have saved a bit. Tao Wanjia had low material desires, didn't spend much, and didn't enjoy dressing up; money was more like a number to her.
She handed it forward. "You haven't paid off your mortgage yet, have you? Use it to pay off the loan, or leave it to Shengsheng."
Huang Zheng sensed something was wrong from her words, and then, out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of the suitcase spread out on the bedroom floor.
The overlapping memories of the past flooded out of her mind like a flood. She was swallowed by sadness and her heart sank to the bottom.
"Are you leaving again?"
Huang Zheng smiled wanly, "Every time you give me money, you're leaving."
It was a painful feeling, as if everything between them could be settled with just money, and as if Tao Wanjia had never considered her a family member all these years. Huang Zheng couldn't dwell on it; the more she thought about it, the sadder she felt. She even began to regret why she had always been against her when they were little, why she hadn't been a little nicer to her.
"Take the money first, and I'll explain it to you later."
Tao Wanji calmly raised her hand to look at her watch. Her car was due at one o'clock in the afternoon, so there was still enough time for the two of them to go to the cemetery to pay their respects.
Time was precious. She didn't notice the mist gradually rising in Huang Zheng's eyes. Seeing that she was hesitant to move, she directly pressed the card into her hand and said, "I'll change my clothes. Let's go quickly and come back."
Before Keren turned around, Huang Zheng pushed her away with force.
Along with the thin card, it fell to the floor with a crisp sound.
"I don't want your money!"
Huang Zheng was stunned, her eyes filled with a hint of stubbornness and unwillingness, "Tell me, how many years will you be gone this time? Will you never come back?"
It had been nine years since she left Rongcheng, and in those nine years, Huang Zheng hadn't forgotten her for a single moment. Hatred was the growth of love. At first, she'd thought she hated her, but later realized it wasn't. The more she tried to forget, the deeper it became. Tao Wanjia burrowed deeper into her memory like a vine.
"I thought, I thought you would stay here this time..."
Huang Zheng's voice gradually trembled, and her nasal tone became more and more intense. "I was quite happy that we were finally reunited after so many years of separation. Now it seems that I still don't know you well enough."
"Tao Wanjia, tell me, have you ever considered me your sister for even a second? Do you still hate me like you did when we were little?"
The emotions that have been suppressed for many years become more turbulent the more they are restrained, and once this hole is torn, they will be completely out of control.
Huang Zheng didn't want to care about anything anymore. She was cautious before because she was afraid that mentioning the past would make her stressed, but now she just wanted an answer, even if it meant that the two of them would break down again and could never go back to the past.
"Speak up! Are you—"
"say what?"
Tao Wanji met her flickering gaze coldly, "You were the one who told me to get out back then, and you're the one who wants to keep me now."
She scoffed, her face full of sarcasm.
"Sister, do you think this is fun?"
Knowing each other so well that he knew what would hurt the most, Tao Wanjia used the same tactics he had used on He Yu to deal with Huang Zheng. They seized upon the wounds that hurt the most and tore them apart without leaving any room for compromise.
"Have you forgotten how you chased me away? Do you want me to help you recall it?"
Huang Zheng was completely panicked, tears streaming down her face.
She lost her mind and yelled, "That's because I saw the acceptance letter you hid!"
The strong smell of burning smoke seemed to still linger in her memories, covering her heart and tone, almost suffocating her.
"Back then I knew you wouldn't leave easily, but I didn't want you to sacrifice the rest of your life for me."
Huang Zheng bit her lower lip tightly. "If you don't go to college, do you have to stay in Rongcheng and sell clothes with me for the rest of your life?"
During that time, the two of them depended on each other and quarreled endlessly. The death of her parents was always a thorn in Huang Zheng's heart. She was powerless to resist the sudden changes in fate. The only thing she could hold on to was Tao Wanjia. She used her hatred for her to prove that she was still alive. The words that outsiders said about her became her reason and guilt to suppress Tao Wanjia and make her stay.
"It's all your fault! It's all your fault!"
"If it weren't for you, the two of them would still be eating birthday cake with me."
"You are a star of misfortune. Anyone who gets close to you will die."
…
Tears fell silently.
Huang Zheng regretted that the words she had said became sharp blades that stabbed her many years later.
But even so, Tao Wanji never thought of abandoning her. When she was in a daze, it was Tao Wanji who took her back to the store and distracted her with busyness. When she gave up on herself and jumped into the river, it was Tao Wanji who risked everything to save her life.
Huang Zheng was pulled ashore by her. In despair, she cried and said that she had no home. She didn't dare and couldn't face the dark and unknown future alone. Tao Wanjia held her cold hand tightly and told her that she was still there. Wherever she was, that was her home.
Huang Zheng also despicably hoped that Tao Wanjia would stay with her forever, but she not only had He Yu who wanted to take her away, but also the admission letter that the postman delivered from thousands of miles away.
Huang Zheng didn't understand, but she knew this future was infinitely better than staying in Rongcheng. She couldn't help her, but she didn't want to be the one to drag her down either.
She should have her own life instead of sacrificing herself for her.
Tao Wanjia supported her when she was in pain, so she could also support hers.
After realizing this, Huang Zheng became more aggressive and used all means to drive her away, and in the end she got what she wanted.
But Tao Wanjia didn't know that she had secretly gone to South City to look for her. The green train took three days and two nights to arrive slowly. Huang Zheng followed her memory to find the school, but couldn't get in or see her. She squatted in the flower bed at the entrance, staring at the majestic gate, laughing and laughing, and finally, without realizing it, she burst into tears.
This is their fate.
Many times she hoped that Tao Wanjia would be the one who held her tightly when the world collapsed, but only at this moment did she realize that perhaps only by completely leaving each other could they become better versions of themselves.
Huang Zheng didn't hesitate or feel unwilling during the reunion, she just wanted to hear her say that she had missed her as much as she did.
But now it seems that the two of them always have ways to make the other side retreat step by step, pushing each other further and further away.
"Go ahead and take your money with you. I lived well even without the money you left me, and I will live well in the future."
Huang Zheng saved her dignity, wiped her face, and turned to leave this space that did not belong to her.
The door was closed and silence returned to the living room.
Tao Wanjia stood there for a long time, then felt a stinging pain on his face. He raised his hand to touch it, and found that it was tears streaming down his face.
Outside, a light snow was falling, and the ground was covered with a thin layer of white flakes. Tao Wanjia went to the paper-making shop to pick up some things and then rushed to the cemetery. The snow was still fine and dense, with only a little white on the top of the mountain.
Walking up on the snow, I saw Huang Zheng standing in front of the tombs of Tao Liqing and Wan Shuzhi. Her back stood tall and straight in the wind and snow, and her black clothes stood out sharply against the white snow.
"Sister, I won't say anything anymore, wait for me?"
Tao Wanjia wanted to ease the atmosphere, so he walked forward and patted Huang Zheng's shoulder.
Huang Zheng turned around, her face full of fear, "Hurry... hurry up..."
Tao Wanjia followed her line of sight and saw the ropes binding her hands.
“I can’t leave!”
A sharp voice suddenly sounded behind me.
She turned around and met a ferocious face.
"It's really not easy to find you."
The man smiled sinisterly and walked closer. "If I had known you had a family, I wouldn't have had to go through so much trouble."
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