Chapter 468 After completing the mission of Spring and Autumn
"Xu'er..."
A call so faint that it was almost inaudible instantly broke the suffocating silence in the Cining Palace.
Yan Shixu's body shook violently.
He slowly raised his head and looked at the Empress Dowager on the bed with bloodshot eyes.
On the phoenix couch, the Empress Dowager's eyes, which had been closed, now opened slightly and were looking at him quietly.
Although his eyes were weak, they still revealed a hint of clarity.
And... the kindness that belonged to the Empress Dowager, whom he was most familiar with.
"Royal Grandmother."
Yan Shixu's voice was dry and hoarse, and his words were incoherent.
He leaned over hurriedly, wanting to get closer, but he was afraid that his heavy breath would disturb this fragile life that seemed like it would disappear at any time.
The Empress Dowager's fingers moved extremely slowly, and her skinny and cold hand held his hand, which was trembling slightly with excitement.
The cold touch of the fingertips made Yan Shixu feel a chill in his heart.
"Silly child..." Every word uttered by the Grand Empress Dowager seemed to be squeezed out from the depths of her heart, yet was extremely clear.
"Why are you like this?"
Yan Shixu's throat rolled violently, and a huge sourness suddenly rushed to his eyes.
Self-blame and guilt filled his chest, making it almost impossible for him to breathe.
"Grandson... Grandson..."
He opened his mouth, but didn't know where to start.
The Empress Dowager looked at his guilty and self-blaming expression, and the kindness in her eyes turned into a relieved smile that came from someone who had experienced many vicissitudes of life and seen through the world.
She squeezed his hand with great difficulty and continued, "As a ruler... one should act... decisively... without delay."
She panted slightly and praised him: "Xu'er...you did the right thing."
Her gaze seemed to penetrate the gorgeous palace curtains, gazing towards a distant and warm place, and her voice became soft and ethereal:
"I... am going to see... the late Emperor Zhaoqi..."
When this name was mentioned, a gentle glow miraculously appeared on her haggard face.
The glow diluted her sickly look and gave her a lively warmth.
"Your royal grandfather... was a good emperor... and also a... good husband..."
Her thoughts seemed to begin to drift, and her words became intermittent and fragmented, like the mumbling of someone half asleep and half awake:
"It's just... he didn't live long... he left too early..."
"He always said... the burden of power was too heavy... it was suffocating him... "
"But... he has never... let go of the responsibility..."
"He said... he was most worried about... me..."
"He told me... not to work too hard... saying... my children and grandchildren will have their own blessings..."
"This old guy... is... lazy..."
"He passed away at such a young age..."
"At that time... I wanted to go with him... but in the end I couldn't let go... of the children..."
"Over the years... the children have grown up... and there are many great-grandchildren... I should... go down and accompany him..."
Having said that, the Empress Dowager turned her gaze to Yan Shixu again.
"Xu'er... don't be sad. I'm old... I'll be gone sooner or later..."
She talked on and on, memories and reality intertwined, and the timeline was in chaos.
Sometimes it was the high-spirited Emperor Zhaoqi ascending the throne, sometimes it was the gentle whispers between husband and wife, and sometimes it was the details of Yan Shixu's childhood when he was just learning to walk and babbling.
Then there is King Wu, the son she misses the most and feels the most guilty about.
She spoke intermittently for a long time, as if she wanted to pour out all her life memories at this moment.
Until finally, her voice was as low as a sigh, and her eyelids drooped heavily:
"I'm tired... I want to sleep a little longer..."
"Xu'er, live a good life with Li'er..."
"She's a good child... I feel relieved to have her by your side..."
After saying this, the Empress Dowager's hand, which was tightly holding Yan Shixu's, finally slowly loosened its grip and gently fell onto the soft brocade quilt.
Yan Shixu still maintained that leaning posture, motionless.
He stared for a long time at the peaceful face of the Empress Dowager as she fell back into sleep. The gentle glow on her face had faded, leaving only fatigue.
It was unknown how long it took before he stood up very slowly.
The autumn wind outside the window was whimpering, rolling up a pile of withered yellow leaves.
Yan Shixu turned around, the tears on his face had dried.
In those deep eyes, fragility has been buried deep, leaving only the calmness and decisiveness of an emperor.
“Squeak—”
The heavy palace door opened silently in front of him and closed silently after he stepped out.
It blocked out the tranquility of the inner hall filled with the smell of medicine and candlelight, and also completely blocked out the vulnerability he had just revealed.
Outside the palace, inside the courtyard.
Under the moonlight, the Queen Mother stood in the courtyard, beneath the pomegranate tree that had been planted by King Wu, looking up at the abundant fruits on the tree.
The fruits are swelling and will be ripe in another month.
It seems that after completing its mission of blooming in spring and bearing fruit in autumn, this tree is left with only silent waiting.
Just like her aunt.
Suddenly, a strong sense of sadness surged into her heart, and the empress dowager's eyes became redder.
The evening breeze blew her hair without any hairpins or rings, making her look even more desolate.
She has lived a very confused life.
When I was young, I wasted my life for a man, wasted my time, and turned myself into a walking corpse.
She didn't care about anything and was just immersed in her own sadness.
She failed to take good care of her aunt who treated her as her own daughter, nor did she fulfill her responsibility to educate her daughter.
If she hadn't been a failed example, how could Shu'er be so obsessed and desperate about love, and how could she have developed such inappropriate thoughts about Xie, and step by step walk towards the abyss of no return?
She is neither a qualified mother nor a qualified daughter.
Her aunt took care of her all her life, but had she ever really given anything in return?
Regret, self-blame, self-loathing... tightly wrapped around her heart, making it almost impossible for her to breathe.
His body swayed uncontrollably and he fell to the side with unsteady steps.
The palace maid who had been standing quietly in the corridor with bated breath was quick to step forward and hold her steady, but she did not dare to make a sound, and only silently supported her shaky body.
Yan Shixu walked to the Queen Mother, looked at her pale face, and said softly:
"Mother, please return to Fengxiang Palace and rest. The Empress Dowager just woke up, talked for a while, and then went back to sleep. If you become ill, wouldn't the Empress Dowager be even more worried when she wakes up tomorrow and sees you?"
Upon hearing this, the Queen Mother cast her gaze towards the tightly closed bedroom door and remained silent for a moment, her voice carrying a hint of stubborn fatigue.
"I will add a bed inside to keep your grandmother company. Xu'er, don't worry. You have heavy state affairs to attend to, so taking care of your health is the most important thing."
Yan Shixu stopped trying to persuade him, nodded, and instructed Yongtai behind him:
"Tell someone to bring a bed to the hall. Move very gently and don't disturb the Empress Dowager."
Yongtai immediately took the order and went down to make arrangements.
Yan Shixu asked the palace servants to take good care of it, then turned around, feeling tired and heavy, and walked back to the Zichen Palace under the moonlight.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
