Today, we resumed updating notifications and apologies.
First of all, I would like to express my deepest apologies and gratitude to the readers who are still waiting for my updates. Thank you for your trust and waiting during this period of time. Thank you very much, and I am very sorry.
The original purpose of this single chapter was a notification: this book will resume updating in the future, but I have broken my promise many times before, so I don’t expect everyone to believe and approve of it from the beginning. Please continue to urge me.
However, this book has not been updated for nearly two months now, and the author has not made any statement. This is actually a very puzzling and even annoying situation. It seems impossible to pretend that nothing happened and start updating now. So I think it is necessary to post a single chapter to explain what happened before I start updating.
I have mentioned the cause of the incident before. It was a spinal problem. Because of the waist injury, I was restless for nearly a month. I couldn't sit down and write properly. I also spent a considerable part of the time receiving physical therapy in the hospital. During that time, I really couldn't update.
Of course, this is just the cause.
The reason was that I hadn’t written anything for a month, and my thoughts and state were a bit out of date, which led to me falling into a situation where I didn’t know how to continue. Under such circumstances, my workplace had to rush to complete work and work overtime. My already poor physical condition caused me to make repeated mistakes at work, and I was even criticized by my unit leaders. My mental state became relatively low, and I felt that the words I wrote had become unrecognizable. I could no longer return to the creative state and level I wanted.
In fact, as of today, I have rewritten the next forty-eight chapters at least seven or eight times. Although the plot I want to express is written in the outline, I can't put myself back into the world I imagined. I even began to feel unfamiliar with the characters I wrote. I can't figure out what they are thinking in my mind, and I can't write an interesting performance in a harmonious and reasonable way.
I actually have a very flawed personality. My way of dealing with difficult problems has always been to avoid them. When faced with something that is difficult or difficult to do, I choose to bury my head and not look at it.
So, it is true that I have been busy with work during this period, but it is also an excuse. In fact, “I chose to be busy with work.”
Updating is so difficult and hard. I can’t write it. What should I do? The company is not very busy and you have to work overtime, so just give it your all.
If writing novels was a spiritual haven for me to escape from my busy work, then these two months have been a time when I have returned to work to escape the mental exhaustion of writing novels.
At this point, some readers may ask: Why not say it out loud? Yeah, why not say it? Perhaps this is also related to my own creative philosophy, because I hope to remove the existence of "author" from novel creation. I personally don't like to see authors write separate chapters every day to talk about family matters and their heartfelt confessions when reading novels. This will reduce my sense of substitution, so I actually hope that readers will not be aware of the existence of me when reading the book.
In addition, when the updates were unstable and leave notes were frequent, I was also told "If you don't update, don't post chapters. No one wants to read leave notes." This point of view made me enter a very neurotic self-tug-of-war.
I got into a state of mind where I felt like, "I don't want to come out again unless I write an update."
Instead of bringing a disappointing news with a leave notice, it is better to update a big chapter and proudly announce "I have written it".
That’s what I thought at the time.
But the truth is that I’m so useless that I still can’t write.
I've wasted so many drafts, to the point where I've come to a point where I'm starting to feel like the plot I'm currently writing is boring and my passion for writing is waning, and I still haven't been able to write anything good enough.
And I began to think in my heart: I have not updated for such a long time, and publishing a new chapter with a poor writing may disappoint everyone even more, so I kept holding back, revising, and deleting.
And this is where things get to the worst point: everyone is out of place.
Readers are still looking forward to my updates, the book club managers are stuck in the middle, and the editors are still waiting for me to get back on track. What about me? I'm still stuck in a vicious circle.
During this period, many readers actually sent me private messages to curse me. I felt that they were right to curse me, but because I was holding my breath, I pretended not to see anything. So this was another misalignment: I even missed the private messages that encouraged me.
This was a terrible handling.
To be honest, even though I announced today that I would resume updating, I still don’t feel that my condition has recovered. However, repeated delays will only make readers more uncertain. I must stand up, come back here with the manuscript that I am not satisfied with, and keep going.
This notice is an apology and commitment to my readers, and also an ultimatum to myself. I can no longer stay in this vicious circle and waste my energy. No matter what the situation is, I have to send out the update.
Speaking of which, the origin of this single chapter actually originated from the lines of a character in a new animation of the season. That line may be just a trivial statement in the animation, but it gave me a great shock at that moment.
“Why do important things remain unsaid?”
Yes, why can’t important things be said? Perhaps this is a kind of distrust and alienation, and because of the fear of not getting the desired response after speaking out, we dare not say it out loud.
Because they are afraid that the truth will be despised or questioned, they only use jokes or silence to disguise and cover it up.
At all times, writers should be filled with a passionate desire to share their fantasy world with those who believe in this story.
I have not yet become such a person. My limited level and fluctuating mentality often make the fantasy world in my heart close its doors to me. I stand outside the closed door, feeling uneasy and helpless about the world without light.
But no matter what, the original intention will not change.
I have to tell everyone who has read this story that the world behind the door is beautiful.
Maybe I should say the important things, the things that come from my heart. No matter how ridiculous or immature the reason is, I should not keep it secret, as it will only cause more suspicion and dissatisfaction.
So, I use this single chapter to express my apology and determination. Today's update should be posted in the evening after I get home from get off work and make some final adjustments to the old manuscript.
Please wait a moment and we will start again later.
(End of this chapter)
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