Chapter 61: Were those old love letters all just an act?
Zhou Yu did not enter the private room, but went to the lobby on the first floor and asked the front desk for a pack of tissues for Tan Bei.
So much time has passed that Zhou Yu could hardly remember how she felt when she and Tan Bei returned to the private room. She only remembered the 19th birthday surprise that everyone had prepared for her, which moved her deeply.
But before she could recover from her emotional state, something happened that caught her off guard.
Chen Jingchi is a very decisive person. Once he decides to do something, he will immediately put it into action and will not give up until he achieves his goal. Zhou Yu has seen this in him many times.
For example, when preparing for his second album, in order to collect the sounds of nature, he braved danger and climbed Xiaojing Mountain alone, arriving at the summit late at night and spending the night there.
For example, when he was learning the dance version of the music video for "Migratory Birds," he twisted his ankle because he was too eager to learn the dance, but he didn't want to waste any time until she persuaded him to take a break.
And he said he would win her over.
After the dinner party, back in the hotel room, he gave her a birthday present and then hugged her, whispering that he wanted to be her boyfriend.
She wasn't given any time to process it.
The first time, she rejected him with all her might.
In her heart, Chen Jingchi was more than just a partner from the very beginning. When she submitted her lyrics to his email, she wanted their names to appear side by side, she wanted the words she wrote for him to have the best home, she wanted him to draw strength from her lyrics, and she wanted to help him climb up step by step and get out of the quagmire he had once been trapped in.
He is special, an irreplaceable existence.
A long time ago, during a late-night chat in the dormitory, Fan Xin asked her, "If someone like Chen Jingchi pursued you, would you date him?"
Zhou wanted to answer her that he had never thought about it.
It's not that I haven't thought about it, but that I dare not think about it.
Since high school, he has been the brightest star on stage, while she is just one of the many spectators below the stage, neither special nor outstanding. She is like a mouse hiding in a dark corner, watching his every move, and even the way she gets his attention is not very dignified.
The song "Prisoner of the Wolf," which he posted on KTV for only two minutes before quickly making it private, was seen by Zhou Yu immediately. She recorded the song and, while suffering from insomnia late at night, wrote a song with lyrics that perfectly echoed it, naming it "Invitation to the Night."
He wrote that he was a lone wolf trapped in an iron cage, subject to the mockery and amusement of onlookers.
She wrote that she was one of the guests who witnessed his pain and struggle.
He asked whether it was joy or sorrow, liberation or demonic possession, redemption or depravity.
Her answer was a yearning for freedom, a tenacious will to live, a youthful and reckless stubbornness and confusion, and a growth against the wind as naivety fades.
In his acceptance speech at the Golden Melody Awards, Chen Jingchi said that she was his soulmate, able to see through his unspoken meanings and understand the emotions he never expressed.
He thought too highly of her, too idealistically.
There's no such thing as a true soulmate in this world; she doesn't have mind-reading abilities. Others only see his most glamorous side, but only she has witnessed all the hardships he's endured, his struggles and struggles, and his despair when his pride was broken.
Even if it weren't her, anyone else could have been the one who "understood" him the most.
Through these despicable means, she stood out from the poetry contest and earned his trust and appreciation.
His pursuit was driven by ulterior motives, and by comparison, she was not so upright either.
Zhou Yu could refuse him once, but she couldn't refuse him a second time. From his voice to his person, she had liked him for so long; she couldn't deceive him, nor could she deceive herself.
She was well aware of the true nature of this relationship and the gap between them. Zhou Yu had the ability to pull him out of the abyss, but he couldn't find any way to save himself.
You could hear a pin drop in the living room.
Chen Jingchi was so smart that he almost immediately realized where her words came from.
She overheard their conversation in the private room.
His expression softened almost imperceptibly. Since being with him, Zhou Yu had been smiling more often than before, but this time it was so glaring.
“I…” His throat tightened, and he couldn’t even utter a coherent sentence.
Why did he pursue Zhou Yu?
Yes, I like it.
She was like a gift from heaven, unexpectedly entering his world when he needed help the most. Her lyrics deeply touched him; her gentle yet powerful strokes moved him and many listeners alike.
At the same time, he couldn't deny that after Du Heng asked that question, he inevitably felt a sense of crisis. No one can live without anyone else forever; friends are just temporary companions. He wanted a deeper bond, a closer connection, to tie them together.
This thought and his feelings for her were like two ropes twisted together, one thick and one thin, intertwined and inseparable, until they became indistinguishable. As his love for her deepened, the premise became the consequence.
I didn't love her just to keep her from leaving.
It's because I love her that I don't want her to leave.
But at this moment, he had no right to tell her not to leave.
Zhou Yu hadn't seen such an expression on his face in a long time, and she didn't want to face it, so she started to want to leave.
“You don’t need to feel embarrassed.” Her speech quickened without her realizing it. “So many people like you, and I’m the only one who’s dating you. I’m very lucky.”
You don't owe me anything.
Chen Jingchi could no longer maintain his composure. He reached out and pulled her into his arms, his grip so tight it hurt her.
"Don't talk to me like that." His throat felt like it was being choked, and his voice was hoarse. "We don't talk about this."
He said "I'll win her over" so easily back then, overconfident in himself, always thinking victory was assured. And he did succeed, but he never imagined it would sow such a huge seed of trouble; that one sentence became an unbridgeable rift between them.
He actually chose to run away.
Zhou Yu was almost breathless from his embrace. She tried to tilt her chin up, but the living room lights were so bright that she could only close her eyes.
She heard him soften his stance and compromise: "Go abroad if you want, I'll wait for you to come back."
She was like a robot, executing pre-programmed commands, asking, "What if I never come back?"
"I've been waiting."
Zhou Yu clenched his fist, his nails digging deep into the flesh of his palm.
She knew what it felt like to be in love, and she knew what words could deliver a fatal blow. In his arms, feeling his rapid heartbeat, his disordered breathing, and his hoarse voice, she hesitated to utter those words.
Once they say it, it means that's the end of it for them.
Zhou opened her mouth and gasped for breath silently. She used to hope that this day would come later, but now that it had actually arrived, she suddenly wanted it to end quickly.
Perhaps the pain will disappear sooner.
The stinging pain in her palm brought her back to her senses. Zhou Yu leaned close to his ear and waited a long time before finally speaking: "What if I fall in love with someone else?"
The person holding her seemed to have all their strength drained away instantly, their arms loosening their grip so they weren't so close anymore.
Chen Jingchi looked up. Her face was expressionless, her eyes calm and still. For the first time, he realized how unfamiliar she was to him.
His eyes had lost their former sharpness, and he asked in a low voice, "Who are the others?"
She avoided his gaze and answered softly, "Everyone else but you."
"Zhou Yu".
"Perhaps the reasons I pursued you back then weren't so pure." He looked at her, revealing his final hand to her, "But I've always loved you."
“If you’re willing to give me a chance, I’ll prove it to you.” His tone was almost pleading. “Give me a little more time.”
Zhou Yu had reached her limit; the last shred of reason she had left told her that she couldn't stay here any longer.
The sharp pain in her heart made her frown. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to speak: "I have nothing left to give you."
She gave me the words.
She gave love as well.
His songs helped her out of the shadows and get through the most difficult time. He taught her about love and shared a long and sweet dream with her.
So she gave him all the love that had sprouted from the nutrient-scarce soil. Now she was nothing but an empty shell.
They can't even give you a chance anymore.
Her words signaled the end of everything.
All the instructions had been executed. She stood up abruptly, wanting to escape as quickly as possible. She was afraid that if she hesitated even a second longer, she would give herself away and be easily exposed.
Zhou Yu turned around and hadn't taken more than a few steps when he heard his hoarse voice behind him.
Why did you agree to be with me?
She stopped, her back to him, her mind filled with many prepared answers. But at that moment, she suddenly abandoned those perfect answers and called out his name: "Chen Jingchi."
"I've said it before, I hope you can always be yourself."
"Anything you want to do, if it's within my power, I'm willing to help you achieve it."
"Pursuing me is one of them."
She raised her hand and took off the necklace she always wore around her neck. The necklace and pendant still carried her body heat, and she placed it on the entryway cabinet.
Then he left his house without looking back.
The moment the elevator doors closed, Zhou Yu was utterly defeated. She slumped against the elevator wall, lowered her head, closed her eyes, and let the tears stream down her face, wetting the hair around her ears.
She didn't make a sound. When the elevator reached the first floor, Zhou Yu raised her arm and used the cuff of her coat to wipe away the tear stains on her face, but she still couldn't stop the tears from flowing out.
She left the apartment complex, and as she walked down the quiet, deserted street, she could no longer maintain her composure. She squatted down by the roadside, buried her face in her arms, and let out a suppressed sob.
During the nearly two years of dating him, she often forced herself to forget why Chen Jingchi was with her, pretending not to know, so that she wouldn't have so much psychological burden when she loved him.
Gradually, however, she sensed his sincerity and dedication, and saw that he was planning their future. His words about loving her deeply and wanting a reciprocal relationship seemed to be confirmed at certain moments.
She was almost convinced.
Until she clearly realized the insurmountable chasm between them, she had no choice but to wake up from the dream prematurely.
She was clearly not good at lying, yet she used all her lies on Chen Jingchi.
*
A long time had passed since the door closed.
Chen Jingchi saw the necklace she had placed on the cabinet, but still couldn't accept the fact that she was gone.
Just hours earlier, they had been huddled together, signing their names on T-shirts, with him drawing a heart on them. He and his friends were dreaming about their second world tour after graduation, and he looked forward to moving into their newly renovated house together after the concert.
His mind began to flash through countless moments they had spent together, and he tried to find evidence of her love for him from those past fragments.
They never argued. In and out of bed, she was always willing to accommodate his every request; no one understood his preferences better than her. The media called them the most compatible partners and the most perfect lovers, and he proved to countless people that she was his one and only.
He thought of the tenderness of each kiss, the passion of intimacy, and the eyes that held only him when she looked at him.
Was it all just acting?
He didn't believe her acting was that good.
Time ticked by, and the pride in his bones was utterly crushed.
He sadly discovered that, over such a long period of time, whether he was happy, moved, sad, or infatuated with passion, he had been experiencing all of these emotions.
Zhou Yu never once told him that she liked him.
Not even once.
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Author's Note: Thank you so much for the landmines and nutrient solutions, everyone!!! [Purple Heart][Pink Heart]
Leilei threw a landmine
Yvonne :) threw a landmine
Reader "Yvonne :)" irrigated with nutrient solution +10
Reader "Yvonne :)" irrigated with nutrient solution +10
Reader "Xia Luo Yi De" irrigated with 10 nutrient solution.
Reader "...", irrigate with nutrient solution +10
Reader "Lily" watered the plants with nutrient solution +3
Reader "Wisteria" watered the plant with nutrient solution +2
Reader "keyee" added 1 unit of nutrient solution to the water.
Reader "Qiqiqiqi" added 1 unit of nutrient solution to the water.
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