The thought of this made her want to cry. She longed to go back and didn't want to stay in this godforsaken place, but she was afraid that if she died, she would not only be unable to go back, but also lose her life in vain.
And she's afraid of pain.
Seeing her suddenly look downcast, Yu Nanqing assumed she was still angry.
After hesitating for a long time, I finally uttered two words: "Thank you."
The voice was as soft as a mosquito's buzz, yet it steadily reached Su Wanyan's ears.
Su Wanyan's eyes brightened, and seeing that his lips were pursed and he dared not meet her gaze, she smiled and said, "No need."
Yu Nanqing seemed a little tired, his breath weak: "...You don't actually need to worry about me."
Just once, just once.
If Su Wanyan agreed to his request even once, or if she backed down even once, he could give up any lingering thoughts in his heart.
He didn't want to have any expectations of anyone or anything, but...
Perhaps because he had been in the dark for too long, his basic guard had been downplayed. After only a few days with Su Wanyan, he had developed a sense of anticipation.
Even just one retreat would be enough to make him lose hope. Without hope, there would be no disappointment, and when betrayed, there would be no heart-wrenching pain.
"Do you think I want to help you? I'm just desperate."
She sighed, "I am Princess Gong now, even though I was forced into it. I don't have any of the rights that a princess should have. If I go back to the Marquis's mansion, I was adopted as the legitimate daughter, but I don't get the treatment of a legitimate daughter. Going back will only lead to my death."
"Let's put it another way. Even if we divorce, the Marquis's mansion won't pursue the matter, and the Emperor will show mercy. But you are the God of War of the Great Jin. Even if you are paralyzed, if I am unwilling to take care of you, the people of the capital will definitely say that I started this relationship and then abandoned it. Marrying you is already a great favor from the heavens. If I were to complain about this and that, they would drown me with their spittle. I would be cursed wherever I go."
Yu Nanqing clenched his fists in his sleeves, opened his mouth as if to say something, but before he could speak, Su Wanyan continued, "To be honest, I'm not afraid of rumors, but people's words can be terrifying. Rumors can become more and more terrible and outrageous as they spread. When they reach a certain point, they will turn into personal attacks. Who can protect me then?"
Moreover, she has no understanding of the people and relationships of this era. Given the choice, her rash departure would be entirely detrimental.
"So, Yu Nanqing, stop telling me to leave all the time."
Yu Nanqing's heart trembled slightly: "That's not what I meant..."
"Oh, that's good. I thought you were trying to get rid of me by yelling at me earlier."
Oh, and there was that spoonful that I shoved into his mouth earlier.
“…” Yu Nanqing remained silent.
He always felt that the Prince's mansion was more dangerous than the outside world. He needed a reason to die, but Su Wanyan's death was entirely up to that person's whim.
The Prince's mansion was far more dangerous than the outside world. In his mind, as long as he could live, it was better than staying in the mansion and not knowing when he would die.
He didn't want Su Wanyan to be in danger, but now that he had received her confirmation again, he was tempted. If he didn't leave now, could he... stay with her until he died?
Yu Nanqing pursed her lips, closed her eyes, and ultimately couldn't bring herself to say the words that were on the tip of her tongue.
When the time is right, she will leave eventually. He's a useless man, why should she suffer with him?
However, he didn't intend to continue speaking, but Su Wanyan got excited. She leaned close to Yu Nanqing, smiled, and asked, "Hey, tell me honestly, when I scolded you like that just now, did you think there was some truth to it? And when I didn't abandon you when you chased me away, were you a little happy?"
Yu Nanqing felt a tightness in his chest and suddenly coughed violently.
Su Wanyan was startled and quickly patted his back: "You... why are you coughing again? You really can't be amused at all."
"You!" Yu Nanqing's face flushed red. "If you want to leave, I will not stop you!"
Happy?
Why should he be happy?
How could he be happy over such a trivial matter!
Since becoming paralyzed, he has always endured it all alone. He had long been accustomed to waiting to die, so how could he possibly change his mind because of Su Wanyan...
Let alone one, even if there were ten Su Wanyans... ten of them...
Yu Nanqing gritted her teeth and breathed heavily, her eyes bloodshot as she glared at Su Wanyan, her fists clenched so tightly that her knuckles turned white...
If his emotions hadn't been touched, why would he have become so angry?
He knows the truth best in his heart, doesn't he?
Yes, he admitted, his tiny bit of pride was acting up again!
"Look at you, here you go again, so unpredictable. You've already calmed down. If you're unhappy, just say so. I was just saying it, and you act like you're going to eat me alive." Yu Nanqing looked terrifying, but Su Wanyan wasn't scared at all.
She admitted, "Actually, I wanted you to be happy, which would mean that everything I did wasn't in vain."
Yu Nanqing was taken aback upon hearing this.
Faced with Su Wanyan's sincerity, he was utterly defeated.
"Alright, you should get some rest. I'm not going to talk to you anymore."
"..."
The room was dimly lit by candlelight, and Su Wanyan no longer looked at Yu Nanqing's expression.
She had taken a nap today and wasn't sleepy yet. She bent down and started rummaging through her bundle, finding several medical books she had bought that day.
There were books for learning acupuncture and books for identifying herbs. She flipped through the medical book about acupuncture by candlelight, and then grabbed a bun from another package and took a bite.
Su Wanyan's words had left Yu Nanqing in a state of confusion, and he was no longer sleepy.
Are you happy?
He dared not admit it, fearing that once he did, things would spiral out of control.
Seeing that she was carefully looking at the medical book in her hand by candlelight and really had no intention of paying attention to him anymore, he felt a sense of emptiness.
Su Wanyan watched intently, munching on the buns with her little mouth, finishing one and then reaching for another.
Yu Nanqing then realized that she even read books while sitting on the floor, with her back against the edge of the bed.
The main courtyard had been abandoned for a long time, and all the furnishings inside were covered in dust. Even Su Wanyan was wearing a maid's uniform.
Yu Nanqing suddenly felt a tightness in his chest. He stared at her silently for a long time, lost in thought.
Perhaps she was tired, because Yu Nanqing fell asleep while watching.
The next day, just as dawn broke, a series of urgent knocks on the door startled Su Wanyan awake.
"Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Open the door quickly! Something terrible has happened!" Xu Si pounded on the door, his urgent voice filled with fear.
This commotion not only woke up Su Wanyan, but also Yu Nanqing.
The two had just opened their eyes and hadn't even realized what was happening when they suddenly heard footsteps outside.
Then came a shrill voice: "Guards, seize this arrogant lackey and send him to feed the dogs, so he'll know what happens when someone outwardly obeys but inwardly defies you."
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