Chapter 28 A man who doesn't love his mother is better off not having him
After dinner, Su Hong rarely went to dance square dance, but stayed at home with her daughter.
She carefully washed and cut the fruit that Si Yan had sent her in the morning, and when she brought it over on a glass plate, Su Nian was flipping through a magazine on the sofa.
"Niannian, how are you and Si Yan doing lately?" Su Hong pushed the fruit plate towards her daughter and handed her a yellow peach with a fork.
"That's it." Su Nian bit a peach, her voice unclear.
Su Hong gently patted the back of her daughter's hand, her fingertips touching her slightly cool skin. "Mom won't interfere with your decision. I just think Si Yan is a caring person. You might as well try to look around more."
Su Nian put down her fork, a faint red mark left on her lower lip from her teeth. After a long silence, she spoke softly, "He's so devoted to me, could it be... just because of the child?"
"Silly child," Su Hong shook her head helplessly, but her tone was firm, "How could they spend so much time and energy on you just for the child? Besides, my daughter is so outstanding, and he is not blind."
Su Nian raised her eyes, a layer of hesitation in her eyes: "Mom, do you think he is...reliable?"
"Mom can't make decisions for you on this kind of thing." Su Hong put her arm around her daughter's shoulders, the warmth of her palm slowly seeping into her clothes. "But sincerity is hidden in the details. Every time he comes, he brings your favorite fruit, and the breakfast is always different. He even knows the deadline for your design competition..."
Su Nian leaned closer to her mother's arms, her voice softening. "Actually, I know he's a very good person, so good that I can't resist him. But I'm just afraid... afraid that he's doing this just out of responsibility. Children should grow up in a loving home, right?"
She paused, her fingertips unconsciously picking at the sofa cover. "Honestly, Mom, I'm especially grateful to you. Although there are only the two of us in this life, the love you give me is much happier than those families whose parents just make do with their lives."
If Si Yan isn't sincere to me and is only with me for the sake of the child, then I can't want him no matter how much I like him. I can make my child live like a little sun, just like you do to me."
Su Hong's eyes suddenly reddened as she listened to her daughter's words. A warm tide of emotion washed over her, softening all the grievances she had buried deep in her heart for years.
She raised her hand and wiped the corners of her eyes: "Mom is always afraid that you will blame me for not being able to give you a complete family."
"That's not surprising. That man probably didn't love you back then, otherwise you wouldn't have chosen to give birth to me alone. A father who doesn't love mom is better off not having one!"
Su Nian put her arms around her mother's waist and rested her chin on her shoulder. "With your love, I've long been content. But I always feel like I've been a burden to you all these years. It hurts me just thinking about it."
"Silly girl," Su Hong patted her daughter's back, looking at her daughter's eyes that looked exactly like "that man," her voice choked with sobs, "Having you in my life is enough for Mom."
She paused, her fingertips gently combing her daughter's long hair. "But in life, you must always have the courage to try," Su Hong stroked her daughter's hair. "If you never dare to open the door, how can you know if happiness is waiting outside?"
"Actually..." Su Nian's voice suddenly dropped to a whisper, her cheeks flushed. "I think I've fallen in love with him. He's so handsome, and he's a professor. Whenever I see him, I blush, my heart races, and I can't help but get nervous. This... maybe it's love, right?"
Su Hong felt a warm feeling in her heart; her daughter had never been so open about her feelings before. She smiled and patted her daughter's face. "Then follow your heart. Don't panic, just go at your own pace."
At this moment, Su Nian's cell phone suddenly rang, and the words "Si Yan" appeared on the screen.
"Mom, it's his call." Su Nian grabbed the phone, "I'll go back to my room and answer it."
Looking at her daughter's back as she walked quickly into the bedroom, Su Hong picked up the fruit plate and sighed softly.
The moonlight from outside the window came in, weaving a silver web on the floor. She looked at the half-open door and prayed quietly in her heart: My daughter, you must have her happiness!
Su Hong tossed and turned in bed. For the first time in all these years, her daughter mentioned "the man who doesn't love her mother", and memories came flooding back.
Su Hong stared at the blurry shadows of the lights on the ceiling, and in a trance she saw the ceiling fan in the southern workshop, turning slowly, stirring up the cotton wool and heat in the air.
When I was in my early twenties, with thick black braids, I could always feel a pair of eyes on my back as my fingers flew on the sewing machine.
That was Chen Ran, a fashion designer in the factory. His white shirt was always ironed neatly, with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms. When his pencil rustled on the drawing paper, his eyelashes cast tiny shadows.
He always gave her the most difficult samples to make, saying, "Su Hong has the most skillful hands and can make the wrinkles on the drawing become real."
One time, they were working late into the night, and they were the only two left in the workshop. Chen Ran suddenly handed them a piece of mung bean shaved ice, the paper wrapper shimmering with water. His fingertips accidentally brushed against hers, and they both recoiled as if burned.
"The samples you made are better than the ones I drew." There was a smile in his voice. The wind from the ceiling fan lifted the corners of his drawing, revealing a small portrait underneath - a girl with braids was lowering her head and working the sewing machine, with curved eyebrows and eyes.
Su Hong's heart beat louder than a sewing machine.
Later, she would always help him sort the fabrics during lunch break, and he would teach her how to read the drawings he had drawn.
Once he brought back a piece of new floral silk fabric from a business trip and secretly gave it to her: "This pattern suits you." She made a dress overnight, and when she wore it to the workshop the next day, Chen Ran smiled all day long.
The day Chen Ran's mother found out about their affair, Su Hong was busy at the overlock machine.
The office door was flung open, and the woman with curly hair pointed at her and cursed, "A country girl dares to try to climb up the social ladder? Our Chen family can't afford to lose this person!"
"Either you get out now, or I'll let the whole factory know you seduced the designer!" The woman's nails almost dug into her face. "Chen Ran is going to France for further studies soon. You're not worthy of him!"
Su Hong clutched the corner of her clothes, her knuckles turning white. She didn't cry, but packed her luggage that evening and, while Chen Ran was at the warehouse taking inventory, quietly left the city of ceiling fans and mung bean shaved ice.
When the train started moving, she saw from the window Chen Ran running along the tracks like crazy, his white shirt blown up by the wind like a bird with broken wings.
Three months after returning home, Su Hong clutched her test results in the clinic. Outside, fallen sycamore leaves covered the ground. She rubbed her belly and suddenly remembered Chen Ran's words, "When I have a daughter, she wants her eyes to look like yours."
However, his daughter Su Nian's eyes don't look like his own at all, but look very similar to Chen Ran's.
Over the years, she had neatly folded up her past, tucked away in the deepest recesses of a box. It wasn't until tonight, when Su Nian mentioned "the man who didn't love his mother," that layer of paper was pierced a little, letting out the damp southern wind.
The phone lit up on the bedside table. It was a message from Su Nian: "Mom, Si Yan said he would take me to see the lotus flowers tomorrow."
Su Hong wiped the moisture from the corners of her eyes and typed a reply: "Well, be careful when you go out to play!"
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