Chapter 96 The Coward and the Brave
The surge of adrenaline can make the brain lose its mind for a moment, and when it recovers, it will cause some hesitation.
Especially since Gao Luo had previously asked about Qu Wen's identity and speculation, and Lin Qingxu recalled whether Kan Zhao had any signs of illness throughout the day, and it seemed that there was none.
"Uncomfortable" seemed like just an excuse to not face her.
Lin Qingxu had already entered the password and entered the house, but paused at the door of Kan Zhao's bedroom. His finger hovered over the doorknob, not letting it fall.
How to say it, how to say it, what to say.
For so many days, Lin Qingxu knew that Kan Zhao was suppressing his feelings, and she was also silent. That day's conversation was more like a temporary reprieve from the conflict, and all the unresolved knots were only temporarily buried, not truly resolved.
And her impulsiveness just now, perhaps knocking on the door at this moment would allow her to break this precarious balance.
But perhaps, as her mother said before, people always need courage.
Lin Qingxu didn't know what to do next, and he also had a bit of a bad mentality, thinking that things would work out when the time came.
The balance in her heart shifted secretly without her realizing it.
*
Lin Qingxu raised his hand and knocked on the door.
"Kan Zhao?" she asked through the door. "Are you okay? Mom said you weren't feeling well."
There was silence inside the door.
The sound of wind could be vaguely heard coming from the balcony. Just as Lin Qingxu was hesitating whether to knock again, the door suddenly opened from the inside.
The door was opened a crack, and half of Kan Zhao's face was hidden in the dim light, and the bedside lamp cast a warm yellow outline behind him.
"It's okay." His voice was very hoarse, but his tone was habitually soft.
Lin Qingxu could see clearly in the light that his face was slightly flushed, and the corners of his eyes were also tinged with red. She subconsciously reached out to touch his forehead, but Kan Zhao slightly tilted his head to avoid her.
Lin Qingxu was stunned.
Kan Zhao's fingers, gripping the doorframe, were pale, their knuckles bluish. Lin Qingxu saw a half-empty glass of water lying on his bedside table. There was no trace of medicine, and it was unclear whether Kan Zhao had a fever, as Gao Yao had claimed.
"Cellphone..." Lin Qingxu handed the phone over. The screen was still stuck on Qiao Yang's incoming call screen.
When Kan Zhao took the phone, his fingertips accidentally brushed against her palm, which was surprisingly hot. He quickly withdrew his hand, his fingertips only unconsciously rubbing the edge of the phone twice.
"Thank you." He lowered his eyes, his eyelashes hiding the emotions in his eyes, and his Adam's apple rolled.
Lin Qingxu suddenly felt a tightness in his chest, but didn't know what to say.
Obviously, they are not like this.
"Fairy wand..." She pursed her lips and looked down at the thin and faint light on the ground. "Are you still playing this year?"
Kan Zhao's hand stopped on the door handle, and his fingers tightened slightly.
"...Do you want to play?" he asked.
“But every year we play…”
Silence stretched between the two.
*
As if sighing, Kan Zhao spoke:
"Lin Xiaoxiao, let me calm down for a while."
Lin Qingxu raised his eyes to look at him.
"I'm sorry." Kan Zhao's voice was hoarse from suppressing himself. "I think I overestimated myself. I thought I could face the possibility of you and others calmly, and maybe even send you a blessing in the future."
He lowered his head with a wry smile, "When I really faced this day, it was as if all the mental defenses I had built up before collapsed."
"Every time I hear your names put together, here..." He pointed to his heart, "it still makes me uncomfortable."
"I can't remain indifferent, and I don't want to cause you any trouble." His voice was barely audible. "Give me some time, okay? Let me process these emotions."
Although some things are known to each other, it is another matter to bring them out into the open.
Lin Qingxu subconsciously took a step forward, his fingertips trembling slightly, as if he wanted to grab something, but they fell in vain.
Kan Zhao looked at her slightly red eyes and smiled, "What's there to be sad about? No matter what, we will always be the best in the world."
The tip of his finger gently wiped away the moisture under Lin Qingxu's eyes, "Don't cry. Otherwise your eyes will hurt again."
"Kan Zhao..."
"Go back." He finally said softly.
He slowly closed the door. Just as the crack in the door was about to disappear, Lin Qingxu heard him add, almost inaudibly, "...it's cold outside."
The door was completely closed.
Locked.
*
When Lin Qingxu returned, the Spring Festival Gala on TV had already jumped to the magic segment.
After being scolded by Fang Yun, Kan Zhenzhong no longer talked about business with Gao Luo, but watched TV obediently.
Jin Yuanbao had never seen such a scene before and stared straight ahead. The kitten didn't understand what a scam was and thought it was some kind of magic.
Hearing the sound of a door opening, it meowed towards the entrance.
Gao Yao also turned around and saw her daughter coming back. She asked with concern, "Qingxu, how is Kan Zhao?"
Lin Qingxu shook his head, "I don't know."
"Mom, I'm going back to my room first."
"Um...oh, go ahead."
Gao Luo responded without asking any more questions. She decided to just let things take their own course and continued watching TV with Fang Yun and the others.
Lin Qingxu closed the bedroom door, lay on the bed, hugged the pillow and slept for a while.
She always does this when she's feeling down. Maybe it's because when she falls asleep she stops thinking about those things.
The lights were off, and only a little moonlight streamed into the room.
Ten minutes later, Ruan Yanyan called. Come over to wish everyone a happy new year.
It was a video call. The camera first focused on her face, then moved away to show Lin Qingxu the fireworks in the sky.
Every year, Ruan Yanyan accompanied her parents to their hometown in the countryside. Her father, a humble man, rose through the ranks, and upon achieving success, he wanted to bring them to live in the city. But Ruan Yanyan's grandparents always refused, feeling uncomfortable. Despite repeated invitations, they finally gave up. They could only offer more money and visit more often during holidays.
There are no regulations strictly prohibiting fireworks and firecrackers in the countryside.
Every household released a lot of Kongming lanterns. Ruan Yanyan pointed them at the night sky, which looked very beautiful with bright stars.
She noticed that Lin Qingxu's room was dim and asked in confusion, "Hey, Qingxu, why is it so dark around you? It's so quiet. Isn't Kan Zhao with you?"
"No."
These two used to be inseparable. Now they weren't even together for Chinese New Year? They weren't even staying up all night to celebrate the New Year?
Didn’t they just make up two days ago?
Ruan Yanyan asked, "Are you having a conflict with Kan Zhao again?"
It seems that they have had more conflicts in the past two months than in the past ten years.
Lin Qingxu said "hmm".
Ruan Yanyan held her forehead, "Could it be because of what happened before?"
Lin Qingxu buried his face in the pillow, his voice sounding a little muffled: "...half and half."
Ruan Yanyan felt tired for Lin Qingxu. She gave the fairy wand in her hand to her cousin next to her to play with, and went into the house alone. She blocked out the noisy fireworks outside and made her voice clearer.
Among these people, Ruan Yanyan has the most emotional experience, so she can also be the military advisor.
She asked, "Qingxu, what do you think? Do you like Kan Zhao?"
No need to be tactful, just ask directly.
She finally realized that for Lin Qingxu, twists and turns were of no use.
If Kan Zhao had just said to Lin Qingxu, "Can you be with me? If you don't agree, I'll die now," Lin Qingxu would have agreed immediately. Although this move was foolish, it was highly effective.
It's useless if you don't push it.
This is how it should be done, taking, robbing, being brutal and unreasonable.
Lin Qingxu's voice was a little low: "...I like it."
Ruan Yanyan had anticipated this, but she didn't quite understand their current situation of "you like me, I like you, but we can't be together." Perhaps it was because she didn't have enough experience.
"Then you two are together?"
Ruan Yanyan tried to ask, although she didn't have much expectation.
Sure enough, Lin Qingxu was silent for a while, then said: "...I don't know."
well.
Ruan Yanyan was also tired.
It can only be said that those involved are confused, while those who are on the sidelines can see clearly. It is useless for others to understand this matter clearly. It still depends on Lin Qingxu himself.
She thought for a long time but couldn't think of anything to persuade Lin Qingxu.
But it's not a good thing to be like this all the time. Three days of minor conflicts, five days of major conflicts, it's tiring to keep doing this.
"Then Qingxu, what do you think?" she asked.
"...I don't know, I feel pretty good now. I don't understand why Kan Zhao must be in a relationship..." Lin Qingxu paused for a moment and asked Ruan Yanyan in a low voice, "Am I a scumbag for thinking this way?"
Ruan Yanyan laughed dryly, "The wind direction is normal."
But it's understandable that Kan Zhao wants a title. He wants more privileges, and his jealousy is more justified. No wonder he's anxious.
Ruan Yanyan sighed, a headache coming on. Still at the early stages of becoming a military strategist, she didn't quite understand what to do.
Having known Lin Qingxu for so many years, Ruan Yanyan also knew what she was hesitating about.
Suddenly, an idea flashed in my mind, and I thought of the things Qiao Yang said on the table at the class reunion dinner after the college entrance examination.
Ruan Yanyan asked hesitantly, "Qing Xu, do you know why Kan Zhao applied to Nanchuan University?"
Lin Qingxu's grip on the pillow unconsciously tightened. Indeed, she was very confused at the beginning.
After all, Nanchuan University's admission score was always high, and Kan Zhao's grades had previously been too low. His sudden, intense study in his second year of high school was completely unnecessary; Kan Zhenzhong and Fang Yun had already arranged a more comfortable path for him.
Until one day when she was in Kan Zhao's room, she accidentally flipped through his calendar, which showed the countdown to the college entrance examination, with Nanchuan University and Lin Xiaoxiao written on it. At that moment, she understood the reason for Kan Zhao's sudden efforts.
"A natural born college tycoon like you doesn't understand the pain of poor students like us."
"Nanchuan University. I used to have better grades than Kan Zhao, but I still couldn't get in. With Kan Zhao's weak foundation, he was able to get such high scores and improve so much in every monthly exam. I seriously wondered how much sleep he got every day."
"If it were me, I really wouldn't have such perseverance and determination."
"He won't rely on this in the future anyway."
"When I heard Qiao Yang say that at the class reunion, it was because of you, and I thought to myself that it was indeed true."
Ruan Yanyan didn't follow any logic when she said this, she basically just said whatever came to her mind.
In the end, after much thought, I still want to say: "Oh. I really think he is a good person."
After all, they have been a couple for a long time, and it’s not like they don’t have chemistry. Ruan Yanyan really wants them to be happy.
Just when I was thinking of another argument to express my point of view, I saw my adolescent cousin sitting on a chair next to me, wearing headphones and playing games in landscape mode, instead of going out with the others to set off fireworks.
Ruan Yanyan thought again:
"By the way, Qingxu, have you played the game Kan Zhao made before, the one he asked us to review?"
Lin Qingxu didn't quite understand why she suddenly mentioned this.
But still answered: “No.”
Ruan Yanyan had played that game several times, but like Qiao Yang, she was blocked by the levels. She tried a few more times but couldn't get any clues, so she simply gave up.
She said, "Hmm... Qingxu, I thought maybe you could try playing that game."
"Maybe you'll find some secrets that only you know."
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The author has something to say: I'm about to hit 400 collections, so I'll just post all three chapters. It doesn't seem good to hold back on the finale [Panda Head]
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