Chapter 3
You have accepted your current situation of being around Crocodile and no longer feel uncomfortable with Crocodile's touch as you did before.
Crocodile also got busy after that day. Before, he was rarely seen during the day, but now he would be away one or two nights a week.
Perhaps it's because the familiar scent and warmth of the blankets are gone, but you don't sleep soundly on nights when he's not there. You worry about whether he's been hurt or encountered some accident, even though you know that someone of average strength couldn't harm him.
On nights without Crocodile's company, you'll find it hard to fall asleep amidst a nameless unease.
But that was a low-probability event; the real torment came when he was summoned to a meeting.
This is the third day since Crocodile left, and you haven't had a good night's sleep for three days straight. You're physically and mentally exhausted, but you still can't fall asleep.
Perhaps due to her poor condition, Robin took a Den Den Mushi into the room on the fourth night and called Crocodile.
The person on the other end of the phone wasn't surprised; instead, they said it with an "I knew it" tone.
"Aren't you asleep?"
The moment the Den Den Mushi made its sound, Robin, who had brought it, was no longer in the room. Noticing this change, you voiced your unease amidst Crocodile's silence.
"I'm so worried about you, I can't sleep."
After listening to your unease and worries, the Den Den Mushi, mimicking Crocodile's expression, remained silent for a long time.
"You're such a coward... I'll be fine."
The person on the other end of the phone laughs at your unfounded worries, but you don't mind, since it's true.
"I can't sleep without you here."
The unexpected conversation was followed by another silence, then Crocodile's flirtatious whisper.
“If you say things like that, you won’t be able to sleep when I get back.”
You should be glad Robin left after giving you the Den Den Mushi, otherwise your embarrassing moment because of Crocodile's words would have been seen.
Perhaps there's a limit to what the body can do, or perhaps Crocodile has changed how he treats you, but lately you're not really resistant to being with him.
"I...don't mind."
Upon hearing this, Crocodile laughed, a very happy laugh.
"Although I would like to say something more to you, I have guests here."
"I'll talk to you about the rest when we get back."
After explaining all this, Crocodile hung up the phone, while Robin, who arrived just in time, took the Den Den Mushi and said goodnight before leaving.
It was probably the sense of security Crocodile provided that finally put you to sleep after having trouble falling asleep for the past few days.
-
Crocodile certainly didn't hold back, even making some demands that you can hardly recount with a low chuckle. You couldn't refuse, and did your best to cater to his preferences.
Although there was still pain, the familiar smells and touches relieved your mental tension.
He was in a good mood, and even though you couldn't fully accept it because of your body shape, he didn't force you to adapt. He just teased you for liking to exaggerate.
You can't tell if it was the unprecedented atmosphere that made you dizzy, or the feeling of intercourse that overwhelmed you, but you feel that the blurry outline of that day has become much clearer.
What was that again...? In a moment of distraction, you were suddenly plunged into a terrifying depth that temporarily rendered you speechless. When you finally recovered from the overwhelming shock, Crocodile was glaring at you in your field of vision.
You don't know what you did to make Crocodile, who was in a good mood, so angry. You try to apologize to him, but the hand gripping your chin prevents you from speaking.
"What's my name?"
Alongside the heavy smell of smoke came Crocodile's tangible rage. Compared to the day he woke up, he now had a much stronger obsession with his name.
Because of the hand on your jaw, you can't say his name smoothly. For a moment, you can't tell whether the pressure on your face is stronger or the pain in your body is more obvious.
"I'm so sorry..."
Crocodile realized he was using too much force when he managed to piece together the words, so he loosened his grip slightly and leaned closer with even more imposing expression.
"What's my name?"
When he asked the question a second time, his tone was more dangerous than the first time, and he also intensified his torment of you.
"Crocodile—"
She suppressed a sob and called out his name, and the grip on her chin loosened.
Unfortunately, he didn't give you a chance to rest. He kept asking you to call his name in your ear, to the point that you couldn't tell whether what made you lose consciousness was his obsession with your name or the physical exhaustion from overexertion.
-
Your relationship with Crocodile has become delicate, the most obvious change being his attitude towards you. The atmosphere, which had just eased not long ago, has now turned sour as his dominance has plummeted to unprecedented levels.
He still insists that you call him by his name, and it happens randomly. It could be when he's holding you and suddenly asks what his name is, when he whispers it in your ear before you fall asleep, or on any other whim.
You know he's very controlling, but when he's so controlling that he constantly needs to confirm things with you, it's hard not to be afraid of him and start to doubt your relationship.
The fact that he's so insistent on making you realize who he is is enough to show that there's an element of pretense in your relationship.
Most importantly, Robin used to let you read the newspaper to keep you informed about what was happening outside, but now there's nothing left in the house that connects you to the outside world. Even if you ask Robin, she'll just smile and not give you an answer.
Clearly, this is also Crocodile's doing. He doesn't torture your body, but rather your mind in a different way.
Already feeling uneasy about the status quo, you're heading in the opposite direction. You resist, even loathe, anything related to Crocodile—jewelry given to you, new clothes bought for you, anything that reminds you of that face and smell—makes you feel suffocated.
If you had the courage to confront Crocodile, you would smash everything in the room to pieces. But you didn't, because everything you have now was given to you by Crocodile.
Realizing this, the anger in your heart was extinguished by cold water, and even the last trace of resistance sank into the lake of your heart.
-
"Your body won't be able to handle just this little bit."
Robin's timely reminder drew your attention to the food you had left on your plate. Apart from a few florets of broccoli, you hadn't touched anything else. The chef's skills were excellent, and the meal was nutritionally balanced.
But once you realize the truth, your appetite is waning. If Robin hadn't eaten with you while Crocodile wasn't around, you probably would have left the food untouched until the server took it away perfectly intact.
Not wanting to put Robin in a difficult position, you thanked her for her concern and then picked up your fork to continue eating the vegetables on top.
It has to be said that Crocodile knows you very well. He knows that you will force yourself to eat more food so as not to cause trouble for Robin and to make yourself look relatively better.
Robin has noticed your changes. Perhaps you've fallen to a certain point, because Robin, who has always kept her distance from you, took away your plate and offered a suggestion that could be considered somewhat friendly.
"If you're feeling down, would you like to go for a walk with me?"
"Won't this interfere with your work?"
Robin smiled upon hearing this: "Taking care of your feelings is also my job."
"Compared to those, this job is much easier and more enjoyable."
Robin's words alleviated your anxiety to some extent, which also shows that your condition has deteriorated to the point where you need Robin's care. As for who gave the order, it can only be Crocodile, who has been missing for a week.
He's probably trying to tame you, but you don't know what standards he's using to formulate this plan. All you can be sure of is that this isn't the standard you'd apply to a normal person.
Perhaps your aversion to Crocodile has reached a certain point, and you are no longer afraid of the outside world, or it may be because Robin is with you when you go out.
The country covered in yellow sand doesn't interest you; the only thing that can bring a smile to your face is Robin, who accompanies you as you stroll through the relatively bustling Yudi.
Robin's tone of voice and mannerisms always give you a strange feeling, as if you're not in a desert, but in a museum steeped in history and culture.
You can't really understand why Robin, with her scholarly air, would serve Crocodile. She should be somewhere better, meeting better colleagues or partners, not here in this desolate wasteland where not even a wildflower can be found.
Perhaps you've been daydreaming for too long, Robin changed the subject.
"Want to go shopping for clothes?"
Robin's suggestion reminds you of the clothes Crocodile buys—all kinds of styles and designs, but you only like to wear those two casual outfits that cover you up completely.
Back to the present, you shook your head and politely declined Robin's offer.
"No need, I'll only wear those two pieces even if I buy them."
Knowing why you refused, Robin nodded knowingly and offered a new suggestion from a different angle.
"Would you like to come with me to see the new styles?"
You don't want to reject Robin because she's been so good to you. Even if it's because of work, you don't want to upset her.
"good."
So you and Robin went to a women's clothing store and, with the store manager's help, bought a lot of clothes. You split the cost of Robin's clothes, and then you went to a bookstore together, ending up with several more books of different types.
Realizing the trip was coming to an end, your barely managed spirits waned with the setting sun. Robin, noticing your reluctance, jokingly suggested extending the outing.
"I heard there's a new snack shop that just opened in Yudi, and it seems to be doing pretty well. Shall we check it out on our way?"
You can hardly believe your ears and ask Robin if what you just heard is true.
"May I?"
Robin smiled upon hearing this: "Of course."
Perhaps due to changes in the environment and your interactions with Robin, the pressure Crocodile has been easing for you recently.
When you return to your room and see Crocodile, whom you haven't seen for a while, your calm breathing becomes rapid, and your hand on the doorknob trembles unconsciously.
You didn't want to move forward, nor did you dare to retreat; you could only stand still under Crocodile's gaze.
A faint sigh was all the more distinct amidst the rapid breathing, signaling the hunter's opportune moment to strike.
"You don't seem to want to see me."
You didn't answer. Crocodile, who was sitting on the sofa with his arms outstretched, got up and walked towards you. Until your breaths touched, his large, hot palms touched the side of your face, and his eyes were filled with undisguised smiles as he looked at you.
"But I want to see you."
His warm breath brushed against your forehead, and Crocodile softened his tone when he received no response.
"Stop throwing a tantrum at me."
I miss you so much.
But you don't miss him.
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