Chapter 87 Awkward
Until they finished their meal and were ready to go down the mountain, Ai Chan's senior brother did not show up again, and Ai Chan had no intention of saying goodbye. He just quietly washed the dishes and put the plain thin porcelain bowls back in their original places one by one.
...It was as if they had really come here for a visit, and out of sheer excitement, they had gone into the temple to have a vegetarian meal.
In summer, the days are long and the nights are short. After such a long delay, the sky is just beginning to get dark. Walking down the mountain road, we can set in sync with the sun in the sky.
After a full meal and regaining his spirits, Qi Xiaopang transformed into a sun-chasing boy, running down towards the setting sun in the glow of the setting sun. His happy look and the coal ball in his arms, whose tail was shaking like a propeller, looked like father and son.
Qing Bai, who was nestled comfortably in Jiu Nian's arms, saw this and felt a little envious. Although he could now be inseparable and in close contact with Jiu Nian, he would occasionally miss his adult human body... At least it was convenient for him to do certain things.
Qing Bai sometimes couldn't help but worry that when he regained his human form, he would forget how to walk on two legs.
Overthinking was pointless. Qing Bai withdrew his gaze and turned to Ai Chan. Using the same tone he'd picked up from Qi Xiaopang, the one he'd used to gossip with his roommates in the dorm, he asked, "You said earlier that your Dao heart had faltered. How did it falter?"
Ai Chan, who was concentrating on walking down the stone steps, paused, smiled bitterly, and sighed, "The mere fact that our Dao Heart has been damaged is a devastating blow to people like us, let alone its disappearance. And you actually asked me that out loud..."
"If you're too heartbroken to accept reality, you don't have to say anything. But..." Qing Bai looked Ai Chan up and down, a strange expression on his face as he spoke softly, "You don't seem troubled at all."
Even having some fun with it.
After hearing Qing Bai's words, the slight hint of bitterness in Ai Chan's smile vanished, and he looked radiant, if not energetic. He even praised him, "Qing Bai is very perceptive."
"So, let's talk about it. I have nothing to do anyway, and there's still a long way to go down the mountain."
Jiunian also nodded in agreement.
Ai Chan thought for a moment and said, "That's fine, but it's not a particularly exciting story. Don't be disappointed after listening to it."
Qing Bai: "You speak first."
Ai Chan organized her words: "...When I first found you in Weiming New Village, didn't I tell you that the more you study religion, the less you believe in it? After four years of undergraduate study and three years of graduate school, it's already a great achievement for me to have held on to my faith until graduation."
"Just because you don't believe it?"
"'Just' because of disbelief..." Ai Chan sighed and shook his head. "Isn't 'faith' really based on that one word 'trust'? It's so fragile, it can't tolerate even the slightest doubt."
"Okay." Qing Bai looked educated and continued to ask, "Then why do you doubt it?"
This time, Ai Chan remained silent and pondered for a while. After a while, he gave an answer that was difficult to distinguish between true and false, but also difficult to refute: "Maybe... after so many years of reading, I still feel that only the core values of socialism can build a harmonious and happy new society."
"..." Qing Baimu's face was wooden. "Master Aichan, all those years of studying have not been in vain."
This wave, this wave is a great victory for socialist higher education.
"Thank you so much! It's all thanks to my excellent teaching!" After a few jokes, Ai Chan's expression turned serious and he suddenly got back to the point. "You should have noticed a long time ago that although the temple on Chu Mountain is a very traditional ancient temple, some of my master's words and actions, including the strange way he addressed me and the so-called magical instruments of his sect, all have a strong Tibetan flavor."
Qing Bai and Jiu Nian looked at each other and nodded in tacit understanding.
They discovered this in the cracks at that time.
"... To be honest, I didn't realize something was amiss with my temple until I started studying religion formally in college. Perhaps it's just that the person in charge is often confused because they are in the thick of things." Ai Chan smiled. "During college, I secretly traveled to Tibet without telling my teacher. I took that skull and went to countless temples and asked many monks and lamas..."
"The most thrilling time was when I was trapped in the dungeon of a particularly remote temple. I was almost made into a precious local religious product by the evil lama... God knows why there is a dungeon in their temple."
"Then what?" Qing Bai was curious, "How did you escape?"
Ai Chan said solemnly: "I am grateful for the construction of national mobile communication base stations, and I am grateful for the police uncle who rushed to the scene and saved my life."
"Although I encountered danger, fortunately I still found the clue."
Qing Bai pretended to listen attentively.
Ai Chan didn't keep her in suspense: "You're from the Faculty of Arts at Peking University, so you must be very good at history. I'm sure you have some understanding of modern Tibetan history... Every major event that has occurred in that vast land is always inseparable from the shadow of religion."
Qing Bai really wanted to say that there was no direct connection between the two, but after thinking about it, he decided not to. He was too lazy to explain professional issues to this fake monk.
Although he did learn history very well.
"Earlier, in the cracks, you mentioned the regulations regarding the reincarnation of Living Buddhas. In reality, it's a two-way compromise between the Tibetan religion and the government." Ai Chan's ever-smiling features were rarely so serious, even revealing a hint of sharpness. "In those days, the lamas in the temples were high and mighty, receiving offerings. After being 'divine messengers' for too long, they couldn't return to being human, nor did they want to. With over a thousand temples and tens of thousands of monks, there were always those unwilling to compromise, and my master was one of them."
"During the ritual of searching for and identifying the reincarnated soul boy over 20 years ago, a major error occurred – the rosary used by the previous Living Buddha disappeared, along with the rosary, and also disappeared a monk in charge of divination at the temple."
At this point, the story seemed clear enough. Qing Bai tried to reconstruct the sequence of events: "Your master believed that the soul boy identified during that search was not the Living Buddha's true reincarnation, so he stole the Living Buddha's rosary and went searching himself. And then... he found you?"
Qing Bai knew the importance of Living Buddhas to Tibetan Buddhism, but he still had reservations about the accuracy of the great lamas' search for reincarnated soul boys. After all, Qing Bai, a student with a good knowledge of history, remembered very clearly that for a long time, the "reincarnation" of Living Buddhas was only "circulated" among the upper class of Tibetan nobility...
The so-called monks are still human beings after all, and as long as they are human beings, if there is profit to be made, what can't be controlled?
There are always more solutions than problems.
Ai Chan nodded. "His actions were tantamount to apostasy, and were unacceptable to Tibetan Buddhism. Pursued by monks from over a thousand temples, he fled from place to place until he finally reached the borders of Chushan, where he hid in a dilapidated temple on the mountain and remained anonymous for decades."
"What about you?" After hearing Ai Chan's words, Qing Bai didn't care about the old monk's thrilling apostasy. He just wanted to know how much of a role Ai Chan played in it. "Did he find you in Tibet and bring you all the way here, or did he find you after he left Tibet?"
Ai Chan asked, "Is there any difference?"
Qing Bai was stunned by Ai Chan's natural question and remained speechless for a long time.
Ai Chan gazed at the setting sun, his gaze long and far-reaching: "In my entire life, ever since I can remember, I have been a monk, preaching to the living and praying for the souls of the dead. In the end, I am the most confused one."
"...Where you came from is no longer important; what matters is the future."
"It was around this time the day I left Tibet. The sun had set and the light was dim. Fortunately, the monks were so devout that all the Buddha statues in the main hall were newly covered with gold leaf. Even a little light made them gleam with golden light. I looked at the overflowing donation box placed before the Buddha statues, and suddenly a question occurred to me: Can the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas sitting on lotus pedestals actually spend the money in the donation box?"
Ai Chan smiled and shook his head: "The moment this question emerged from my mind, my Dao heart was destined to dissipate."
"Because I not only doubt the gods and Buddhas, I also doubt my fellow believers."
After hearing Ai Chan's words, Qing Bai couldn't help but sigh that it was no wonder that religion was classified as philosophy...
Seeing Ai Chan's gaze becoming increasingly distant, Qing Bai interrupted his 'philosophical' thoughts: "You just asked me if it made any difference whether you were from Tibet or somewhere else. I didn't know the answer at first. Now that I think about it, it's not only different, but it's a huge difference."
Ai Chan didn't expect Qing Bai to suddenly change the subject, so she subconsciously asked, "What's the difference?"
Qing Bai placed his two front paws on Jiu Nian's arms, trying to look serious and solemn. "I have reason to suspect your master is a kidnapper."
"???" Ai Chan's calm and detached expression suddenly faltered, "What's the reason?"
Qing Bai wasn't kidding. "Your senior brother is fine, he's disabled, and it's hard to say where he came from... But you were healthy and lovely when you were young. You don't look like a Tibetan child. You must be raised in luxury. So the question is, would a family that raised a child in luxury be willing to let them become monks?"
Ai Chan pursed her lips, understanding Qing Bai's implication, but still said: "Perhaps it is my fate that hinders me. I am doing more harm than good to my father, mother, and family. It is better for me to become a monk and live in peace with both of us."
Qing Bai couldn't help but roll his eyes. "There's no point in deceiving yourself. Is it because the legitimate temples aren't famous enough? Is it really necessary to give your own child to an old monk who's staying in a dilapidated temple? To put it bluntly, this is like throwing meat buns at a dog."
"Since you don't want to be a monk anymore, think about it carefully... Since becoming a monk means abandoning the secular world and entering the Buddhist world, then returning to secular life naturally means 'returning home.'"
"For ordinary people like us, knowing where we came from is crucial. Otherwise, when we look back and see nothing, not only will we be lost, but how will those waiting where we came from feel?"
Ai Chan fell into deep thought.
Jiu Nian took a few quick steps forward to create some distance between them, both to give Ai Chan behind him some space to think and also because he had something he wanted to say to Qing Bai alone.
"…Why did you suddenly think of saying this?"
Qing Bai flicked his tail, squinting his eyes and leaning back, "Don't you think Ai Chan is a bit odd? He never says what he wants to say directly, but always has to go to the trouble of making up a 'reasonable' excuse. He did it the same way when he first came to Weiming New Village to find me, and he did the same thing this time when he tricked us into coming to Chushan."
"After the monkey's matter was satisfactorily resolved, this man claimed that his Daoist heart had faded and he would return to secular life as an ordinary person. But I saw that he was even more 'awkward'. He couldn't let go and was constantly fighting with himself."
"If I hadn't told you, do you believe he could have kept up the good work of a fake monk?" Qing Bai sighed. "He claims to be a monk, but I don't know how many lies he's told. He claims to be an ordinary person, but he keeps chanting Amitabha Buddha all day long."
"For such a dishonest monk, it is our duty to clean up the mess for the Buddha."
Ai Chan was awkward and liked to find excuses by talking about cause and effect, so Qing Bai found a cause and effect excuse for him.
Is 'home' in this world enough?
The ninth child smiled and said, "The Buddha will thank you if he knows."
Qing Bai also smiled: "That's not necessary. He can thank me when he has time. It would be more appropriate for him to take the trouble to clean up his own mess."
Although Ai Chan is awkward, he can be considered a good monk. Once he comes to his senses and returns to secular life, there will be one less good monk in the world. The index of good monks in Buddhism is worrying.
Jiunian nodded in agreement.
There was no conversation along the way. Qing Bai closed his eyes and pretended to doze off. As he closed his eyes for a while, he really felt sleepy. Before he fell into chaos, Qing Bai's thoughts, which were engulfed by sleepiness, suddenly became clear for a moment.
"Where you come from isn't just important to ordinary people... It's the same for everything in the world... What about you, where did you come from in the past nine years..."
“…”
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